Cherish
by Laurenio567
Summary: Maya gets the news and it changes everything. She has to change so many things and begins to realize what's important in her life and what she really needs to make her happy. And her friends' true loving characters shine through in her dark time. Maya/Lucas, a little of Riley/Farkle and Riley/Zay
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Maya's POV:

You know it's funny. I always thought that life was hard. And it is. But I had always thought it was hard because of the drama, the homework, the high school, the sports, remembering locker combinations and finding your new classrooms. Paying for a car when you turn sixteen. Not getting lost on the subway. Having enough money for Starbucks. Getting a hot boyfriend. But one pivotal moment changed all of that forever.

"Miss Hart, your test results came up positive. You have stage two lung cancer."

00000000000000

Riley's POV:

Maya had left early that day for a doctor's appointment. She had gone in for a wellness check up a few weeks ago and they called her back for another appointment today. I hoped it wasn't anything serious. After school, Farkle, Lucas, and I all went out for smoothies at Jamba Juice.

"Too bad Maya couldn't be here." Farkle sighed as we all sat at the little wooden table with our smoothies.

"Yeah. But she hadn't been to the doctors' since she was like three. I was just glad my parents finally paid for her to go." I sipped my blueberry banana blast.

"How did the first one go a few weeks ago?" Lucas asked about Maya's first check-up.

"She said that they had wanted to do some MRI scans and stuff to check the internal stuff. But she had said that they weren't concerned about anything. She told them about her asthma and her cough and they gave her some medicine. And I think it was getting better." I smiled in relief.

"That's good." Lucas nodded. "And in a few days she'll be moving in with you." I smiled and nodded eagerly. Maya's mom had finally given in. My parents officially took custody of Maya this weekend and Maya was moving in while Katy flew out west to accept a job offer in Vegas. Maya begged to stay and finish high school here. I mean we were only sophomores. She still had two years left. So my parents agreed. I was so excited.

0000000000000

Maya's POV:

The first check-up I went to, I had told them about how my asthma was getting worse and how I had a fairly bad cough. But they had given me medicine and I had thought it was getting better.

"Miss Hart?" the doctor startled me out of my thoughts. "Is there anyone you'd like me to call?" I barely managed to shake my head. I couldn't breathe. Maybe it was the cancer that was rapidly feeding on my lungs. I felt like I was gonna pass out.

"So the asthma and cough…" I managed to choke out.

"The cancer." He nodded gravely. "It's a good thing we did the tests we did." No! It's not a good thing! If we hadn't found out, I could've lived in denial!

"Um…I…" I stuttered. "I don't know how I'll…" I had no idea how I'd pay for this.

"Please, Miss Hart. I don't want you to think any more about this. I'd like to talk with your guardians." The doctor's voice was quiet, and serious. How could he sit there and break this sort of news to me? I was dying inside. Literally and figuratively. And he could just sit there and look at me with an unreadable expression.

"Stage two?" I clarified.

"Yes." He seemed relieved to hear me speak. And relieved to talk about a brighter side. "That means you still have a great fighting chance. If we get right on this, you will have high odds of getting through this."

"And my lungs is the only place?"

"That's the first thing on your schedule. More testing. We need to check other organs and such. But as of now, yes, the lungs are the only thing." He stood up now. "Maya, I think it would be best if you called a friend or family member. This isn't the kind of thing to drive home alone with on your mind." He thought I was going to commit suicide. I knew I probably would want to kill myself in a few days when reality hit, but right now I was in shock. I couldn't think. It was like I was up above, watching myself sit in that doctor's room and slowly fade.

"Um, ok." I breathed. I slowly stood up and wobbled a bit.

"You ok?" the doctor asked as he reached for the door handle.

"I'm fine." I whispered. I don't know how I managed to say that. I wasn't fine and he knew it. I was dying! Stop! I hushed the voice in my head. I wouldn't say that. I was still alive wasn't I? That's what I needed to focus on. The door closed behind him and left me alone, standing in the stark white room that smelled like cleaner and sterilized hand soap. The harsh bright lights glared down on me, making my hands look even paler when I rubbed them together. They were as cold as ice. Cancer. Maya Hart. Maya Hart has cancer. "Maya Hart has…." My voice trailed off. No. Not yet. I would most likely start to hear those words enough. I didn't need to say them yet. This all might still be a dream. I could only hope. I saw in the movies that most people when they got news like this would break down. Or go run in front of a car. Or at least go win some sort of huge competition and then die trying. But not me. I felt a sort of numb peacefulness. It was almost scary. I didn't scream or cry or move even. I didn't even think I was breathing. It felt like my soul and mind were just sort of gliding through cotton candy, slow motion, not feeling anything but slowly moving through the thickness. I don't know how long I stood there, but eventually I jumped out of my trance when a nurse opened the door and scared me.

"Oh I'm sorry." She apologized.

"It's fine." My voice was hoarse. "I was just leaving." I bent down and scooped up my purse and the papers the doctor had left for me. As I made my way out into the parking lot, I passed an old lady carrying her oxygen tank in with her. I looked away. That might be me in a few years or months. I mean, I knew I was gonna die eventually, but not this young. Not when I was sixteen or seventeen. I was only sixteen! I couldn't do this. Somehow I managed to find my car keys and let myself into my Honda Civic and toss my purse onto the passenger seat. I sat for a while and just stared out the windshield. The parking lot overlooked a huge section of overpasses and a main freeway. I watched the cars and buses and trucks passing and just stopped thinking.

"Cancer." The doctor's voice rang back through my mind. It was impossible to stop thinking. I jammed my keys into the ignition and started the car and fumbled with my seatbelt mindlessly. I pulled out of the parking lot and instead of driving back to my house or the Matthews' where I normally would go, I turned toward the nearest Starbucks. I don't know what made me do it. But I liked coffee and when I saw the familiar green and white mermaid sign for the coffee house, I felt like a warm blanket had wrapped my heart up. Starbucks was normal. I always sat and drank coffee. Cancer couldn't change that. I walked in and the comforting scent of coffee beans and dark chocolate brushed my nose. Not many people were in, and those who were, were very occupied by their books or computers or newspapers. I bumped into a display rack on my way to the register, but I hardly noticed or felt the bruise that had already started to form.

"What can I get for you, Maya?" a perky voice piped from behind the register. I looked up quickly and pulled my fluffy, blonde hair behind my ears. And I saw Claire. She had art class with me. I probably looked like a total mess. I hadn't cried, thank goodness, but I bet I didn't look too happy.

"What do I normally get?" I mumbled as I tried to read the menu on the huge boards hanging from the ceiling. I couldn't even remember my order.

"Rough day?" Claire gave me a sympathetic smile.

"You have no idea." My voice cracked and I covered it with a cough, which turned into a real cough. "Excuse me." I croaked after I had turned away for a moment to get the cough under control. "I've had a bad cough now for…." Then I remembered, it wasn't a cough. It was the cancer. And I wanted to cry.

"It's fine." Claire spoke up. "I just got over a sore throat myself. Maybe you want some hot tea instead of your iced vanilla latte?"

"Hot tea does sound good." I admitted. "But I think I'll still get the usual." I gave her my best attempt at a laugh. "I love my vanilla latte routine."

"Hey, don't blame you." She smiled and I handed her my Starbucks gold card. She handed me my receipt and I walked over to wait for my drink. After I got my drink and had slipped my wallet and receipt back into my purse and said goodbye to Claire, I made my way outside. No one was sitting at the outdoor tables considering it was early March and still pretty chilly and damp. I could see my breath as I sat down and began to sip my freezing cold drink. Maybe I can freeze my lungs I thought. And then the cancer will die. Instead of me. Then my phone started to ring. I dug it out from my purse and checked to see who it was. I really wasn't in the mood to talk. But it was Mr. Matthews. "Hello?" I answered.

"Maya? Where are you? Topanga called and said you weren't at home yet and weren't answering your phone." Mr. Matthews sounded slightly concerned. He had no idea what was coming.

"Wait where are you? You're not at home too?" I asked.

"I'm working a little late at school. Grading some of your guys' tests." Mr. Matthews had continued to teach his daughter and her friends into high school and they still had him for their history teacher.

"I'm at Starbucks." Maya decided to keep everything put away for a while.

"Oh how did the doctors' visit go? Did they give you anything new for that cough?" and then I felt the tears well up in my eyes.

"It's not a cough." I choked out. And then I started to sob. Me, Maya Hart started to sob out all alone at a metal table in front of Starbucks with a freezing cold drink in her hand.

"Maya, what's wrong?" I could hear Mr. Matthews standing up.

"It wasn't a cough." Was all I could manage to say. "Not a cough. Not a cough."

"Maya, tell me right now, what happened?!" his voice got firm.

"Cancer." I whispered. "It wasn't a cough or asthma. It was cancer. It is cancer."

"Oh my God." I heard Mr. Matthews breathe. And I started to cry all over again. I was taking heaving, huge gasps of air, and hiccupping from lack of air.

"I'm so sorry!" I cried. "So sorry."

"Maya what Starbucks are you at?" he was grabbing his coat and packing up. I could hear it.

"The one by H&M."

"Don't move." And he hung up.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Cory's POV:

As I drove through the city, I recalled the moments that it had almost felt like Maya had been my child. The time she broke her arm and it was me who waited with her while she got the cast and me, the first one to sign it. It was me who was at her kindergarten graduation and me who lit the candles on her birthday cakes since she was eight. I called her and found out she was lost on the subway when she nine and I came to get her. I called her and found out she was alone with some boy when she was eleven and I came to get her. I called her and found out she and Riley had snuck out and gone to a teen club when she was fourteen and I came to get her. And now when she was sixteen I had called and found out that she had cancer. Somehow all the other times paled in comparison now. I grabbed my phone and speed dialed home.

"Hey honey." Topanga answered. "Did you get ahold of Maya?"

"Yeah." I felt like my heart was breaking.

"Cory? What's wrong?" Panic immediately seized her voice.

"Maya needs my help." Was all I had to say and she understood. "Don't tell Riley."

"We just finished dinner." Topanga sounded very calm and collected. "We can talk when you get home."

"Yeah we might be a while longer." My voice was tight and pained as I hung up and pulled into the Starbucks parking lot. And as I stepped out of the car, I saw her. She was the only one outside. She had a thin jacket on, and was sitting alone at a small metal table. I could see her breath when she exhaled and an empty cup sat in front of her on the table. "Maya." I called when I got closer. She looked up and then I knew that she was human. Because in her eyes I saw the pain. She always acted so tough and strong that it was easy to trust that she would figure everything out by herself. But then I saw that she was sinking and that she needed me and Topanga and all her friends more than ever. Because behind those sea green eyes I saw the pain and the tears and the shock. I could just see the shock plainly written all over her face. She stood to meet me. And before I even said anything she walked over to me and looked up.

"Make it not be true!" her lip quivered and then she fell into my arms. I rubbed her back quietly as she finally let someone help her for once. She knew that there was no way she could get through this by herself. And I was proud of her for realizing it.

"Maya, do you want to talk about it?" I guided her back so I could look at her.

"Can we go somewhere else?" she had calmed down now, and almost sounded like herself, as if she had had a rough day at school and was a little grumpy. Only I knew that this was her defense mechanism. To put on an act.

"Sure. Let's take a drive." I helped her throw away her cup and steered her towards my car. "We'll come back for your car sometime." And then we were off, driving anywhere. She was silent for a long time. For the time being, I had put all my feelings aside to be strong for her. It was my duty as her…well her father.

"I can't feel it." Her voice was soft and calm. I looked over at her, sitting in the passenger seat, covered in a huge blanket I kept in the car for Riley and Auggie if they got sick. She looked so small and helpless. But yet, it almost felt like she was more mature than me or anyone. She wasn't screaming or crying like I would be. She was staring straight ahead, showing no emotion.

"Tell me what you want to." I gave her shoulder a light squeeze.

"I'm so sorry." Were the first words that came out.

"Sorry?"

"I've always been such a burden. But this. I'm so sorry. I didn't plan for this to happen. And in a few days you'll have to take me and pay for all the doctors and medicine and take care of me. I don't expect you to keep me after this." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I glanced over and saw a single tear slide down her cheek.

"Maya Hart, I don't care what you have, how healthy you are. You will always be a part of our family and we will stop at nothing to make sure you have your life and you can live it to the fullest." I promised. And I acknowledged the gravity of that promise. But I intended to keep it.

"Thank you." She whispered. And then: nothing. She didn't say anything else. Eventually we ended up at home, parked in our spot for our apartment. But I felt like a completely different person. And as I looked over at Maya again, I think she did too. She looked different, almost as if she could see things she couldn't before. And in a way, she really could.

"Come on." I started to use a voice I hadn't used since Riley was little. "Let's go up and get you a nice warm bowl of soup. Don't think about the day or anything. Look at me." I stopped her from unbuckling and made her look at me. "A lot has just changed. But a lot of things won't. I'm still here and so is Topanga and Riley and you can come up and eat and sit with us and go to bed just like you always have done. You're still living, Maya. And that's a privilege. I know most people encourage you to accept it, but for tonight, don't. Let's go up and for tonight, let's just try to not think, ok? Does that sound good?"

"Mr. Matthews?" she bit her lip for a minute. "That sounds great." She whispered softly and let herself out of the car. Our walk up to the apartment was silent, but it felt like thousands of words and feelings had passed between us as we made the journey.

"Brave face?" I turned to her as we reached the door.

"I can do that." Then she smiled. And it wasn't real, but it wasn't fake. It was an acceptance smile. But it was better than fake.

"I'll wear my brave face if you can wear yours." I gave her a half smile.

"Deal." She wiped frantically at her eyes, fluffed her hair, and took a deep breath. "For Riley's sake." She added as I turned the key in the lock. And I looked back at her and nodded.

"Honey I'm home!" I called to Topanga as I walked through the door.

"Hi honey." She stood up from the couch where she was reading with Auggie and Riley. "Hi Maya." She smiled as Maya walked in behind me. I turned to make sure Maya was ok. She was frozen in the doorway, looking around our living room, smiling.

"What's up weirdos?" she croaked.

"Where were you? You had me so worried!" Riley jumped up and ran over to Maya. I took a deep breath. Maya could handle this. I believed in her.

"Sorry, kiddo." Maya looked like she was struggling to form words. "Got a little tied up after that doctor's visit. Claire at Starbucks wanted to talk for hours."

"At least call next time." Riley pleaded.

"I promise." Maya nodded.

"Topanga, we need to talk." I whispered to her as the two girls were talking.

"I'll send them to Riley's room." She nodded. "Girls, why don't you go up and watch a movie. You both look pretty tired."

"Movie sound good?" Riley turned to Maya.

"Sounds great." Maya nodded and let Riley lead her up to her room. As soon as I heard the bedroom door close, and Auggie had run up to his room, I turned to Topanga.

"Cory what's going on?" she asked firmly.

"Do you consider Maya family?" I asked quickly.

"Of course." She looked a little surprised by the question.

"So she's like a daughter to you?"

"Yes, now what happened this time?" she crossed her arms.

"Our daughter is dying." I whispered and felt hot tears stinging behind my eyes.

"What are you talking about?" Topanga looked scared. "Cory you're scaring me."

"Topanga, Maya has cancer. Lung cancer, stage two." I let the sentence hang there. In the air. Suddenly it felt like the walls were closing in on me.

"Cory that can't be right." I looked up and saw Topanga's eyes were filled with tears. Her voice slipped to a whisper. "Maya is too strong. Too tough. She doesn't have cancer. She can't." I reached down into my bag and handed her the papers that Maya had gotten from the doctor and given to me.

"Topanga, we have to get moving. That little girl with the blonde hair is up in Riley's room right now, dying. If we don't do something, we could lose her for forever." I pulled Topanga in and held her close when I saw the look on her face. She dropped the doctor's papers and wrapped her arms around me.

"Our baby." She whimpered. See. Maya really is like our child.

"How do we handle this?" I asked her as she pulled back and we slowly sat down on the couch together. "This is so hard for me already. That girl is going to go through hell. But she isn't going down without a fight if I have a say in it."

"Cory, we need to talk to Katy. She probably will want to stay in town after she hears this." Topanga reminded me.

"Should we call her right now? How do we even begin to tell her?" I tried not to think about Katy's face when she heard the news.

"I'll call her. There's someone else you should call though." She stood up, then reached for my hand to steady herself. I could tell she was barely handling all of this news.

"Who?" I was clueless.

"Shawn. He loves Maya like his own daughter and maybe he can be here for her more, help her. She's going to need every friend and caring person around to get her through this. Call Shawn right now while I call Katy." Topanga helped me off the couch and then reached for her phone. "This is going to be a long night."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Maya's POV:

I woke up to the sun streaming through Riley's bay windows and beads of a fresh morning dew dripping from the ivy that wrapped its way around the metal of the fire escaped outside her windows. I looked over to see her side of the bed was empty. That was usual. She always woke up earlier than me. She was probably eating breakfast in the kitchen or taking a shower or even went out to run some errands while I slept in. I was under a huge pile of blankets and felt all nice and warm. I didn't want to move. And then, like a dam bursting open, all the water or my thoughts came crashing down and drowned people and buildings and my soul. I had cancer. Stage two lung cancer.

"Riles?" I called, just making sure she wasn't in the room. No response. Then I remembered it was a school day, not the weekend. Why hadn't Riley woken me up? I looked at the clock. It was already eleven o'clock. I was so late. I threw the covers back and sat up. I recalled what Mr. Matthews had said to me last night in the car. For now, pretend like everything is ok. Just cause I've changed, doesn't mean everything else has. Farkle and Lucas and Riley will all still be in school, in Mr. Matthews' class. I can still go and learn and talk and have fun, because I'm not dead yet. I was then filled with an extreme mixture of gloom and joy as I heaved myself out of bed and to the bathroom to clean myself up.

000000000

I entered the kitchen, expecting it to be empty, but I was wrong. Topanga was sitting at the table, sipping a cup of her green herbal tea and flipping through one of her crossword booklets. I paused in the doorway.

"Maya." She caught sight of me standing there and set her book down. "You're up."

"Um yeah." I tucked my curls behind my ear and made my way over to the table. "I'm pretty late."

"That's fine. Cory called in for you. You're excused for the day." She stood up and walked over to the stove where a tea kettle was on one of the burners. "Here." She poured some of the tea into a clean mug and handed it to me. "I know you don't drink tea much, but today I think you need some." I took the tea gratefully.

"Thanks." I slowly sipped it to test the temperature. "Yeah this is good."

"So." She made herself comfortable at the table again.

"Please don't." I stopped her before she could start. "I know I should try to be accepting it. But for at least a few more hours, let me just not think." She looked a little surprised at my sudden willingness to speak. That was the most I had spoken to her in a long time.

"Maya, you're entitled to a few days of shock and confusion." She slid her crossword book across the table to me and placed one of her favorite ink pens on top of it. "Here. Do one of these."

"What?" I looked down at it. "I can never solve these."

"Well try one out. I'm going to go get ready." She stood and stretched.

"For work?" I remembered she had her job.

"No I called in a personal day today." She explained as she took her mug and began to rinse it out. "No I'm gonna go get ready and you and I are going to go get pedicures."

"Pedicures?" I was surprised. "We're gonna go get pedicures? Like at a spa?"

"Something wrong with that?" she looked back over her shoulder at me from the sink.

"Well I guess not."

"Look Maya, I don't want you to sit around the house all day. You still have a life and instead of dwelling on the bad parts, let's go have a nice day, and do something you've wanted to do for a long time. I know you've wanted a pedicure for months now." Topanga walked back over to the table but didn't sit down.

"Yeah I just always thought I'd go with Riley." I explained.

"We don't have to." She offered.

"No no." I decided. "A pedicure sounds nice."

"Good." Topanga nodded. "I need to relax too. I had a long night last night."

"I'll take the blame for that." I sighed.

"I blame you for nothing." She came over and rubbed my shoulders. "I feel very blessed to have you as part of this family, Maya."

0000000000000

Riley's POV:

Maya didn't show up at school at all. My dad had told me to let her sleep in and that she'd come later, but she never did. Maya was never sick. Oh sure she was late and had ditch days, but never at my house. And my dad was never ok with it. But there he was teaching classes and walking around school not concerned at all that Maya hadn't shown up yet.

"Dad, where's Maya." I confronted him just as our history class began.

"Yeah Maya's always here." Farkle looked around.

"Maya is at home." Dad answered me. "Just leave it alone, Riley."

"No!" I stood up and all eyes went to me. "What aren't you telling me? Something is going on that you're not telling me!"

"Riley, if you have something personal you wish to discuss, we can do that after class." Dad shut me down. I was shocked. He had never discouraged me from sharing my problems. Especially when it was something as important as my best friend.

Right after class I stayed behind and walked up to my dad's desk.

"Dad, tell me." I planted my feet firmly on the ground to remind me to stay strong. Without Maya next to me, it was hard to feel strong.

"I'd like to know too, sir." Lucas appeared behind me. "What can we do for Maya?"

"Yeah, Dad. At least tell us what we can do for her. We're her friends. Let us help." I cried.

"Yeah we can help." Farkle appeared too.

"No, you can't." Dad cut us off.

"What?" I whispered.

"You can't do anything for her." He shook his head. "Right now, all she needs is space and time to herself. That's what's best."

"Sir, with all respect, Maya needs us." Lucas stepped in front of me.

"Mr. Friar, Maya needs many things before she needs you right now." Dad whispered to Lucas, but I overheard.

"Oh yeah, and what can be so important that Maya needs that before her best friends?" I challenged.

"She needs life!" Dad exploded. "She needs medicine and chemotherapy and doctors!" everyone got silent. We were confused.

"What are you talking about?" I whispered. "What do you mean?"

"Honey, Maya has cancer." My dad put a hand gently on my shoulder. All of a sudden I was waking up, on the floor, staring at the ceiling.

"Riley, you ok?" Farkle helped me up.

"It was just a dream." I was telling myself.

"Riley." My dad used his warning tone.

"Just a dream!" I yelled. "Just a dream!"

"This isn't a game, Riley! You can't hide from this. Maya has cancer!" my dad yelled back. My dad hardly ever yelled, and when he did, I listened. His voice got calmer and then he just sounded dead tired. "You wanna help? Stop making a big deal."

"Sir?" Lucas choked out.

"Friar." My dad turned to him.

"It's true?" Lucas had pure shock written all over his face.

"Yes." My dad sounded so weak. It scared me. Farkle was just standing there with his mouth hanging wide open. Then my dad's phone rang. "Hello?" he answered. "That's great." A small smile covered his face. "See you at home." Then he hung up.

"Who was it?" I felt sick to my stomach all of a sudden.

"Mom." He answered. "She took Maya to get a pedicure today. They had a good time and Maya apparently had beautiful toes now. They're home and Maya's resting. Maybe you all should go see her."

"I'd like to see her." Lucas spoke up.

"Me too." Farkle sounded lost.

"I don't even know if I'll recognize her." I whimpered.

"Riley." My dad took me aside. "Maya is still the same person. She just has more to her than we thought. When you found out her dad left her, did you stop recognizing her?"

"No."

"Right. Because that was another part of her that you were learning. Well it's harder to learn more about her now because you know her so well. But there's still more to learn. So just pretend she's still a new friend. There's lots to learn, Riley. And I know it would help her a lot if you kept an open mind about this and stayed with her through all of it instead of holding back because you're scared of losing her. I know it will be painful, but she does need us and if we hold back because we don't want to become too attached, then she'll be alone. Now go see her."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Maya's POV:

The living room was quiet. Topanga had gone out to buy groceries and left me to rest on the couch. The curtains were open and the sun was setting, casting a pink and orange glow over the room and warming me through the blanket that I was wrapped in. Auggie was sitting at the end of the couch and reading to me from one of his new chapter books. Normally I wouldn't want him around, finding him annoying, but today I just wanted company. So I asked him to read to me. And for once, I actually felt like he was my little brother too.

"Chapter Twelve." Auggie narrated.

"Auggie?" I stopped him. He looked up from the book and cocked his head to the side a bit.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks." I smiled and then I realized, it was a genuine smile. "You're doing a good job." I pointed to the book. Really I wasn't even listening, just enjoying having him be there. He was only nine, but sometimes it felt like he could see right into my soul.

"Here." He handed the book to me.

"What?" I took the book and looked at him.

"I want you to read now." He pulled his legs up onto the couch and waited, expectantly.

"Me to read?" I chuckled a little. "I'm not a very good reader."

"Start where I left off."

"I'll try my best." I opened the book to chapter twelve. "The night air was cold as Alex made his way through forest, searching for Rex. But the dog was nowhere to be found." I started to read and realized that the book was about some kid that lost his dog and goes on this long quest to find it. Normally I would find it boring and stupid and a waste of time, but today I just didn't care. Anything to keep me occupied.

"I'll get it." Auggied piped up and ran for the door. Someone must have knocked.

"Careful." I cautioned for some odd reason I was feeling protective of him and I turned around the make sure it wasn't someone with a gun. No, it was my friends. But it felt like they had shot me when I saw the look on their faces. They knew. Someone had told.

"Auggie can you give us a minute?" I pointed off to his room. "And I'll finish reading to you later?"

"Sure." He nodded, collected his book from my hands and raced off down the hall. Then we were left in silence.

00000000000000000000000

Lucas' POV:

When Auggie opened the door and I caught a glimpse of Maya, something jumped inside of me. She was on the couch, curly hair pulled up into a bun, holding a children's book and covered in a blanket. Her face was pale and her eyes had dark circles under them. I wondered if it was from the cancer or just her anxiety. Neither Farkle nor Riley made a move towards her, and I realized it was my job as the moral compass to help everyone along.

"Hey Other One." I walked over to the couch and knelt down next to her. "How ya doin?"

"I've had better days, Sundance." Her eyes had a faraway look in them, like she wasn't even really looking at me.

"Well, we brought you the work you missed today, even though you probably won't be doin it." I smiled as Farkle handed her the packet of missed work from that day. She took it with shaking hands. I debated whether or not to help her. She never liked help, but maybe that didn't matter now. Then she set the papers in her lap and turned to look past Farkle and me and her eyes fell on Riley.

"Hey Riles." Her voice was quiet, and calm.

"Maya." Riley had tears in her eyes as she walked over to the couch, past me, and then sat down on the couch with Maya. "You won't have to do this alone." And then Riley held out her hand and took Maya's in hers. "I'm your best friend, your sister. I'm not leaving you for a second."

"That might get old." Maya snickered. And then I realized that Maya hadn't left. She was still here, just a little different.

"Yeah, Maya, we're all here for you." Farkle spoke up. "We're not leaving." Maya didn't say anything, but the grateful look on her face told us all we needed to know. Maya Hart was not going to have to do this all by herself.

000000000000000

Topanga's POV:

When I got home, Maya and Riley and Farkle and Lucas were all gathered around and on the couch and playing the board game of Life. And Maya was laughing. I just stood in the doorway and cherished the moment. This group of friends was so tight. Maya would never be lonely.

"Groceries!" I called and immediately Farkle and Lucas jumped up to help me carry the bags in. Riley and Maya stayed on the couch and just chatted. And Maya was smiling. I didn't want that smile to go away. But I knew that the next coming months could wipe that smile away pretty fast. As I was just carrying in the last bag, Cory walked in.

"Hey honey." He smiled and kissed me on the cheek. Then he saw the group of friends at the couch. And he smiled again. "She looks happy."

"She's a strong one." I bit my lip. "She can beat this."

"She can." Cory turned to me and looked me straight in the eyes. "She will." I nodded and handed him the last bag of groceries.

"I need to talk to you." I nudged him in the direction of the kitchen. When we got there, I helped him put the groceries away, then lowered my voice so the kids wouldn't hear. "Katy called me back." I started. Cory froze.

"What did she say?" he sounded worried. He had a right to be.

"She's staying." I began to explain. "But she still wants us to become Maya's guardians."

"Is that just so we'll pay for this, or really because she wants Maya to be with us?" Cory's voice hardened.

"Does that matter?" I gave him a look. "We will pay for Maya anyway. I don't care what Katy does or wants. Maya is partially our responsibility and I'm going to help her any way I can."

"I'm glad I married you." Cory placed a gentle kiss on my head.

"Me too." I smiled back at him. "And I also called the doctor on my way to the store."

"What did he say?" Cory's voice dropped again.

"They want to get Maya in for more testing as soon as possible. Then they want to start treatments while she's still strong." I began to list all of the things the doctor had suggested. "We need to figure out if high school is still a good option for her. It might be better to home school her. She'll miss so much I don't even know if she'll have enough credits to pass sophomore class. I also think we should put her in some sort of therapy group."

"Topanga, slow down. You're stressing yourself out." Cory walked over and wrapped me in a hug. "Shawn will be here by tomorrow."

"How did he take the news?" I asked.

"He swore a lot and threatened me that if I let anything happen to her, he'd kill me." Cory chuckled a little bit. "I think he'll be the strongest one of us all."

"We need to ask Maya if she still wants to live with us through this, and also what she wants to do about school." I reminded Cory. "I think we should tell Farkle and Lucas to go."

"Wait." Cory put a hand on my arm as I turned to kick Farkle and Lucas out. "Look at her." We turned and saw Maya smiling as she moved her car four more spaces and collected one hundred thousand dollars.

"Take that, weirdos!" she smiled triumphantly. "I'm the rich one."

"Yeah but I have the most kids." Farkle held up his car which was filled with pink and blue pegs.

"Kids are a nuisance anyways." Maya waved off Farkle's announcement.

"Let's let her be a teen for a few more minutes." Cory gave me a half smile. "Let's let her be normal."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Maya's POV:

After Farkle and Lucas had left, Topanga and Cory sat down in the living room with Riley and I and I knew denial time was over.

"Maya, we have to talk." Cory declared and the room suddenly seemed darker. Riley gently reached down and took my hand and gave it a small squeeze. It was a nice gesture and in a way, it was reassuring.

"I'm ready." I nodded slowly.

"Ok." Topanga slid the papers that the doctor had given me onto the coffee table. "First of all, we need to get you in for more testing."

"I'm gonna fight it." My voice was steady, straightforward, and emotionless.

"We're gonna fight it." Riley corrected and smiled weakly down at me.

"Your mom has decided to stay in town." Topanga got quieter. My heart stopped. They had told my mom.

"You told her?" I choked. "Without asking me?"

"Maya, she needed to know and you were in no condition to tell her." Topanga tried to explain it to me. "She's staying. She's gonna find work. But she still wants us to take custody of you. Would you still like to live with us?"

"Cause she doesn't want to deal with this." My throat felt like it was closing up.

"Because she knows we can take care of you better." Cory replied gently. "She does love you. She is just in no position to help you through this." I sat there and stared at the wall behind Mr. Matthews. My world was crumbling around me. My mom didn't want anything to do with her sick child. Why was I not surprised? It still hurt though.

"I'd still like to live with you." I decided quickly.

"You can think about it some more." Cory offered.

"No. I don't need to. I'd like to move in with you still." I persisted.

"Ok." Topanga smiled. "We'd like that."

"Now about high school." Topanga moved to another topic. "You're probably going to be missing a lot of classes." Now I hadn't thought about that. "Maybe you'd like to try an online course and work from home?"

"No." I shook my head rapidly. "I'm going to stay in school for as long as possible." I couldn't believe I was willingly begging to stay in school. Maybe I wanted to just because school was normal. I needed normal.

"Maya, it may come to a point where you have to drop out." Topanga whispered.

"I know." I stared her down. "But I'm not at that point yet." I set my jaw firmly. Topanga looked at me for a minute longer then nodded.

"Ok," she stood up, "that's enough for tonight."

"You ok?" Riley asked me.

"No." I sighed. "But I'm alive. I guess I still have that for now."

"Maya?" Topanga called from the kitchen.

"Yeah?" I sat up a little straighter.

"You ready to go in for testing tomorrow?" she asked as she came back into the room. "We need to get right on it." I let out a breath. So this was it. Tomorrow it started. No more denial or normal or having a life.

"Yeah." My voice cracked and a few tears slid absently down my cheek. "I guess I'm ready."

"I'm coming with you." Riley promised. "You won't be alone."

000000000000000000

Riley's POV:

The next day, I got out of school early. I was going with Maya to the doctors. She was in the car with Mom when they picked me up from school. The car ride there was silent. Maya just looked out her window and I looked at her, making sure she wasn't going to pass out or burst into tears. But she did neither. She breathed lightly and never looked once at me. Maybe if she did, she would've started to cry. The waiting room wasn't very full so the wait was very short. We sat in the chairs and while Maya would usually be scrolling through pics on her phone or making fun of the way people dressed, she was quiet, her pale hands sitting limply in her lap.

"You scared?" I broke the silence and my mom looked over at me for a second.

"No." she sighed. "I'm already dying. Anything else will just make it faster." She stated simply. I was so confused. How could she sit there and act so calm and accept it all. I'd be screaming and hiding and denying it. And here she was, shrugging it off.

"Maya Hart." A nurse called.

"See ya, Kiddo." Maya stood up.

"I'm coming in." I stood up too. "We'll be back soon, Mom." I turned to let my mom know I was going in with Maya. The nurse led us down a back hall and into a small room.

"Ok, I need you to get undressed and put this on." The nurse plopped an ugly hospital gown on the chair beside us. I need you to remove hair clips, piercings, anything metal. The machine is like a big magnet. It will pull anything out of you whether or not you want it to." My eyes widened. Machine? This sounded awful. But Maya just started slipping her tiny figure into the gown as the nurse left us alone.

"So this is my life now." Maya was standing in front of a small mirror, hanging on the wall. She was drowning in the gown, her pale face looking back at her sadly in the reflection. "Like a ghost." She almost whispered. Then my phone started to ring. I took it out and saw it was Farkle. He was Facetiming me? What the heck?

"Hey." I answered and saw Farkle and Lucas sitting together at a lunch table.

"Hey Riles!" Farkle called. "Are you at the office?"

"Yeah. Maya and I are here." I looked over at Maya who hadn't even looked over to see who had called. She was just looking at herself blankly.

"Hey Maya!" Farkle called. That got Maya's attention. She turned and looked at the phone in my hands.

"Farkle?" she walked over to me. "What are you two bozos doing?"

"Eating lunch." Farkle replied with a mouth full of potatoes.

"Lovely." I giggled. "Why'd you call? It's almost time for Maya to go through the machine."

"Oo the machine!" Lucas said in a mysterious voice, making Maya actually give a little snort of laughter. "There's that smile." Lucas pointed through the camera at Maya. I looked over at Maya and she immediately stopped smiling.

"Oh quit it, Hop-a-long." She rolled her eyes.

"What have we been missing?" I asked the boys.

"Not much. Pretty boring day so far." Lucas shrugged. "But we called to tell Maya that we're thinking of her." I turned the camera to Maya so she could see the boys. "Maya, we're thinking of you. We just know you're gonna pull through. You're such a strong girl."

"Oh cry me a river." Maya huffed.

"We mean it." Farkle added.

"Well thanks." Maya looked down, uncomfortable with the attention on her.

"What are you wearing?" Lucas scoffed.

"Hospital gown." I answered for her.

"Looks awful." Farkle squinted.

"Don't knock it till you try it." Maya chuckled tiredly. Then we heard the knock on the door.

"The nurse is back." I told the guys.

"Oh, before you go, Maya!" Lucas called. Maya looked back at the phone. "After your appointment, we're gonna pick you guys up from Riley's house and we're all gonna go get icecream, ok?"

"Chocolate fudge?" Maya asked hopefully.

"Whatever you want." Lucas smiled.

"Sounds good." She nodded. "See ya Farkle, see ya Huckleberry." Then I ended the call. "Come in." I called and the nurse stepped in.

"You ready?" she asked Maya. Maya nodded quietly. "Alright, let's get going." She led Maya and I out of the room and down another hallway. Then the nurse scanned her key card and let us in through a thick door. Two rooms were in here, one was just a plain white room with three chairs in it. It was connected to the second room by a row of glass windows. "You can stay here." The nurse motioned to the row of chairs. "You're comin in here." The nurse motioned for Maya to follow her into the glassed off room. Maya turned to look at me and I gave her a reassuring smile and two thumbs up. She smiled a little and let herself be guided into the room.

"Please God." I whispered. "Please." I watched as Maya was laid on the bed, covered in a fabric and her hair was pulled back. And then I watched as the machine lit up and I could hear a faint humming sound. "Please." I choked. I was determined not to cry as I watched the bed start to slide into the cylinder shaped hole.

000000000000000

Maya was out of the machine now, resting on the bed while the nurse filled out some paperwork and asked Maya some questions. My phone buzzed and I saw that Farkle had texted me. School had just gotten out.

"How's Maya?" his text read.

"Just got done with the test." I texted back quickly. He replied almost immediately.

"How'd it go?!" he wondered.

"Hasn't come out yet." I responded. "I'm so scared for her."

"She's Maya. She'll make it." Farkle reassured me. Then I flicked through my pictures and found the one I had secretly snapped of Maya when she had been looking at herself in the mirror and I sent it to Farkle.

0000000000000000

Lucas' POV:

"How'd it go?" I peered over Farkle's shoulder while he texted Riley about Maya.

"Riley says the test is done, but Maya hasn't come out yet." Farkle told me.

"That doesn't sound good." My heart started to beat irregularly.

"Oh no." Farkle murmured.

"What!" I cried and tried to get a closer look at his phone. "What's wrong!?"

"Look." Farkle turned the phone to me. It was a picture message from Riley. It was a picture of Maya. She was in a huge hospital gown, her skin pale and her face solemn. She was looking at herself in the mirror as if she didn't recognize the face. It was a scary picture. "Riley took that before the test." Farkle explained as he turned the phone back towards himself.

"I don't see how this could have happened to one of us." I referred to our group of friends.

"It's what life throws at us." Farkle sighed. "But life doesn't always win. Especially when life is going up against Maya Hart."

"I know." I smiled just thinking about Maya going up against anybody. "She'd beat anybody."

"They're on their way home now." Farkle announced. "Let's go meet them there."

"Did the results come back yet?" I was sincerely worried for Maya.

"They should get the call later tonight." Farkle started walking for the doors of the school. "And I want to be there when she gets the news."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Maya's POV:

I was back on the couch again, sipping a cup of hot chocolate and wearing one of my favorite comfy outfits. I was in my softest pair of stretchy yoga pants with silver beading down the sides and I was wearing a black and white shrug over a plain white T with our school's logo on the back. Riley was sitting over my legs since I had them stretched out and we were playing on our phones, having a Subway Surfers tournament. And so far I was winning. Riley had such slow reflexes.

"Ha! I have more coins than you!" Riley cried as she nearly got flattened by a subway.

"Coins don't matter, points do." I sang.

"Coins help." She reminded. I smiled and just shook my head as she ran into a pole and the cop caught up with her and dragged her away.

"Good game." I paused mine to look over at her score. "But I win again."

"I'm aware." Riley sighed and put her phone down. "Please not another round."

"I can't hear you, ba ba ba ba ba ba da da ba." I sang and put her phone back in her hands. "Let's go again. I might even let you win this time."

"Oh joy." She gave me a 'you're such a weird friend and I love you' look and we started again.

"There's our two favorite girls!" Farkle and Lucas opened the door and startled Riley and I. "We still on for icecream or what?"

"I don't feel like moving." I groaned and snuggled deeper under the fluffy blanket that Mr. Matthews had bought for me the day before.

"Don't you want your chocolate fudge?" Farkle asked. "Cause I know I want my cotton candy."

"I want my peppermint." Riley got a dreamy look in her eyes. "Peppermint. So pink and happy. So fresh and-" I cut her off.

"Ok let's go." I sighed and threw my blanket over my shoulders. "But I'm taking this with me."

"Fine by me." Lucas looked me up and down.

"I wasn't asking your permission, Ranger Rick." I scoffed.

"And I was just giving it, Penelope." He winked and then waved his hands towards the door. "After you."

"Yeah that's right." I held my head high as Riley and I walked out the door. "Respect us boys, cause we the best you gonna find." I mimicked a heavy New York accent.

"Oh we know." Lucas tipped his imaginary hat as he shut the door behind us. "Ma'am."

0000000000000000000

Lucas' POV:

We made it to the icecream parlor with no problems although the subway was a little late. But that was ok. We had all the time in the world when it was just our group, having fun, enjoying the company, laughing at jokes, and being together. I could almost believe that nothing had changed at all. Almost.

"How was it?" I asked Maya from across the booth as she licked the bottom of her icecream dish.

"Like heaven." Her voice was thick with the dairy and her lips had hints of chocolate still lingering on them.

"Here let me get that for you." Farkle was saying as he took a napkin and gently wiped some stray icecream from the corner of Riley's mouth. Then I caught Maya's eye and she gave me a look and then a smile as she nodded towards Farkle and Riley.

"She likes him." She mouthed to me and I was thankful I could read her lips. Riley liked Farkle? That was news. I thought, shouldn't this be bothering me? I mean I had liked Riley way back in middle school, but for some reason this new development didn't seem to upset me at all. I smiled back at Maya.

"They're cute." I mouthed back. She nodded. Then a thought crossed my mind. Now I could tease some more people besides Maya.

"Hey stop flirting, you two. No PDA. Have some respect for Penelope and I." I was please when I not only earned a glare from both Riley and Farkle, but also Maya for calling her Penelope.

"If you and Maya were flirting we wouldn't care." Farkle defended himself.

"You mean like (and I mimicked Farkle): Oh Maya, let me get that for you." and I took a napkin and began to reach across the table until her hand shot up and stopped me.

"Don't even think about it." She growled.

"Oh you got the easy one." I pointed to Riley while speaking to Farkle.

"What's that mean?" Riley questioned.

"Means you're great." Farkle reassured her.

"Oh ok." Riley smiled to herself. "You hear that? I'm great." She turned to Maya.

"We heard." Maya nodded. And then she started coughing. At first it was small, a few tickles in her throat. But then it got stronger and a few gazes came our way from around the parlor. A panicked look captured Riley's face and she looked over at me.

"Come on." I stood up and walked over to Maya. "You need to get home."

"I'm fine." She gasped in between coughs.

"Here, Maya." Riley slipped an unwrapped cough drop into Maya's hands. "This might help."

"Guys, we don't have to leave." She shook her head, but she looked slightly dazed and her eyes were unfocused.

"We don't want Mrs. Matthews to worry." Farkle stood up too. But Maya was coughing again, harder this time and Riley's eyes pleaded for me to do something. And I could see that our afternoon was slowly getting ruined. I had to fix this. For Maya.

"I've always wanted an excuse to do this." I thought quickly and before she could say anything, I reached down and scooped Maya up in my arms, holding her gently, baby style. She was still wrapped in her blanket and she was as light as a feather. Her short legs dangled over the edge of arms and her head was supposed to be resting on my shoulder. But she wasn't resting.

"Put me down!" she protested and her voice cracked and all that came out was a squeaky whisper. I couldn't help but smile down at her.

"Sorry, can't do that, Ma'am." I started to walk towards the door as Riley and Farkle threw away our dishes and thanked the owner. "You're stuck with me."

"I'm capable of walking." She was trying to clear her throat.

"Relax." I leaned down and my voice got a bit more serious as I whispered, "you don't know how hard it is for us to see you like this. Let us help you. It makes us feel better." The indignant look was wiped off her face and a slightly guilty one took its place.

"It really makes you feel better to carry me home?" she whispered.

"It really does." I replied softly. "And it makes Riley feel better too to know that you're not overdoing it."

"Fine." And I felt her whole body relax. "Be careful with me." She threatened.

"Always, Penelope."

"Don't tease the cancer girl." She put her head down on my shoulder and just looked up at me.

"The cancer girl?" I spoke the foreign words out loud.

"Yeah."

"You're not cancer girl."

"Then what am I?" she asked.

"You're Penelope. You're the Other One. You're Maya Hart. That won't ever change in my eyes." I promised.

"Just take me home." She shut down my emotional moment and I just laughed.

"You're scared of me being nice to you."

"No, I'm scared that you might actually want to be nice to me." She made herself snicker a little. "Now get a move on." I shifted her weight. Riley and Farkle caught up with us and held the door as I carried Maya out onto the streets and we made our way to the subway. We hadn't even gotten onto the subway when I saw the Maya was definitely asleep. Her head was resting lightly on my shoulder and one of her arms was wrapped around my neck for support.

"She's out." I told Riley and Farkle.

"It's a good thing we left." Riley sighed. "She's weaker than I thought. She had a long day."

"Do you think the tests will be good?" I wondered as we stepped off the subway and walked the short trip home.

"I hope so." Riley looked down. "If there's more, I don't know how we'll deal. She's barely coping right now." And she looked over at her best friend, sleeping in my arms, and I realized just how serious this was. Maya Hart was asleep in my arms. Something had to be serious for that to happen.

"I'm proud of her." The words slipped out of my mouth before I even thought them.

"For what?" Farkle asked as we started up the stairs to the apartment.

"For letting us help her." I looked down and quickly memorized every line of her face, the way her body felt in my arms.

"Lucas, she's in your arms." Riley whispered.

"Yeah?" I looked over at her.

"That means she trusts you. Don't hurt her." Riley's eyes were glassy.

"Never." I looked down at the blonde and promised myself, Riley, Farkle, and Maya who I saw stir slightly. "I would never hurt Penelope."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Riley's POV:

Sometimes terrible things happen to amazing people. It just comes with the territory of living. But people that say that, have no idea what it means until they live it. Like I was living the moments after Maya got the phone call about her latest test. We had gotten home from the icecream parlor and my mom was waiting for us.

"Maya, I have to run out to pick Auggie up from his friend's house. The doctor should call any minute, so if the phone rings, answer it." My mom explained, then hurried down to her car. Lucas settled Maya on the couch and handed her the soft blanket she had been wrapped in.

"You can go back to sleep." Lucas spoke softly to Maya.

"Nah, might as well wait for the news." Maya mumbled and leaned back, but kept her eyes open. And then the phone rang.

"I'll get it." I walked over and picked up the phone. "Hello? Yes this is Riley Matthews. Um Maya Hart is here. Ok." I handed the phone to Maya. "You want this?"

"Yeah." Maya took a deep breath and pulled the phone to her ear. "Hello?" And then, everything changed. "Tell me." Her voice hardened. And then her entire body went rigid and froze. This couldn't be good news. "She'll be home soon." Maya's voice was cold, emotionless, and soft. "Yes, I'll have her call back. Thank you." And then Maya slowly lowered the phone from her ear.

"What did they say?" I asked softly and moved to sit next to Maya gently.

"It's bone cancer." She sighed. But she didn't cry or scream or yell or even whisper. Her hands were sitting, not moving, in her lap.

"Maya, we-" Farkle began, but Maya stopped him.

"Don't." she shook her head and a small smile even broke out on her lips. "Let's not talk about it." She then pursed her thin lips. We all sat quietly, absorbing what we just heard, and waiting for Maya to do something. "I think I want some tea." She stated and stood up carefully and made her way over to the kitchen. "Riles do you want some tea?" we were all shocked. Maya had just gotten more terrible news that the cancer was raging through her whole body and she was acting like nothing had happened. But maybe this was her defense mechanism. All I knew was that we needed to accommodate.

"Sure. But here, I'll help you." I stood up quickly and started to fill the kettle with water while Maya hunted for tea bags.

"Should we stay?" Lucas asked as he and Farkle stood up.

"I think you should go." I turned around and gave them both a knowing look. Maya probably wanted to be alone.

"No." Maya looked up from the cupboards. "Stay." Lucas and Farkle froze. "I'm going to make you two some tea too, and you both are going to sit and drink it with us." She had that stubborn look on her face.

"I don't drink tea." Lucas smiled as he and Farkle walked over to the kitchen.

"Then what do Huckleberrys drink?" she huffed.

"We appreciate a good old glass of Dr. Pepper."

"Well I prefer to drink something that doesn't taste like cough syrup." She sighed and signaled Riley to pour more water into the kettle. Lucas laughed and shook his head.

"I thought you liked coffee better." Farkle's voice was a tad shaky as he sat down to accept his mug of the hot, steaming drink.

"Normally. But I feel like tea right now." Maya wrapped her small hands around the mug and breathed in the strong scent.

"That's funny. You don't look like tea." Lucas blurted, but probably immediately regretted it because of the hard glare he earned from Maya. He tipped his imaginary hat. "I had to." He defended himself. Maya sighed and an awkward silence settled over us. All of us were thinking about Maya. She was sitting here, at the table sipping her tea, dying. The cancer was in her lungs. It was in her bones. That knocked her fighting chances way down. And she was reacting really weirdly.

"We're here for you." I broke the silence and gently rested my hand on top of Maya's. She looked up slowly and when her eyes met mine I was sure there were tears in them. But I didn't point that out.

"I know." Maya's voice cracked slightly. "I'll be fine. I'm a fighter, remember?" she gave me a half smile.

"Oh we remember." Lucas chuckled. "To Maya!" he held up his mug.

"To Maya!" Farkle and I chanted and held up our glasses. Then we all looked over at Maya. She was smiling, watching this little scene like she was trying to memorize it, never wanting to let it go.

"To being friends." She bit her lip and hoisted her mug up to meet ours. "Without you guys, I'd be lost."

000000000000000000000000

Lucas' POV:

The next day, Maya came to school late. She had gone in for another appointment to start talking about how they wanted to treat the cancer. Riley had gone as well and they both came back in fifth period biology.

"How'd everything go?" I whispered to Riley as she and Maya took their seats. Maya was already looking like she was about to doze off. I smiled to myself. That girl was something else. But Riley grimaced and I refocused my mind.

"It doesn't look good. It really is all over her body. It's dangerous." She sighed and ran a hand over her hair in a distressed motion. "I'll tell you more later." And then she turned her attention to the teacher who was displaying a powerpoint about cell respiration. But I couldn't pay attention. It was literally impossible. Because a seat away from me, Maya Penelope Hart was dozing. Her messy, blonde hair had been pulled up into a bun and her outfit was casual today, probably because she had the appointment.

"Hey." I poked her arm and she jumped. Then, when she was oriented again, she narrowed her eyes.

"What do you want, Sundance?" she growled under her breath.

"You ok?" I raised my eyebrows to show her I was concerned.

"All things considered…." She let the sentence dangle.

"Want to hang out after school?" I felt my voice softening. I didn't want her to go somewhere and sulk and feel bad for herself.

"Can't." she sighed. "I have another appointment at four." She rubbed her eyes frantically, a mannerism I noticed in her when she was trying to clear her mind. It was very endearing which is why I made no motion to stop her as she finished wiping her eyes and managing to smear the little bit of mascara she had haphazardly applied, probably right before she walked into the school building.

"What for?" I wondered and instantly wished I hadn't asked. Her face immediately tightened up into a fiery expression.

"Mind your own business." She hissed.

"I was just trying to understand." I pleaded.

"You will never understand what this is like." And with that she turned away from me and actually got out her notebook to take notes, but soon started drawing instead.

0000000000000000000

Maya's POV:

As soon as the final bell rang for the end of school, I jumped out of my seat and began to rush for the door of my economics classroom. But as I was reaching the door, my leg buckled and I fell into the door and cried out in pain. My upper leg was suddenly screaming in pain. I let out a hiss of breath as random students ran over to help me up. None of my friends were in this class, all having taken it last year.

"Maya, are you ok?" a taller, red haired girl asked in concern as she helped me stand upright. My leg was killing me, but I could put a slight amount of pressure on it.

"I'm fine." I rolled my eyes at my own clumsiness. I hated to draw this kind of attention to myself. "Sorry to scare you." I waved to my teacher and let myself out of the classroom and limped down the hall to my locker. My heart was beating fast. What the heck was that?! But I already had a sneaking suspicion of what had caused that attack on my normal movement. I made it to my locker and opened it easily, since I never lock it, and stuck my head inside. I took three deep breaths to calm myself and to regain my composure. I had promised myself to make it through today without having a panic attack.

"Hey Mocking Bird." I heard Lucas greet me from the other side of my open locker door. I let my head go limp and crash into the locker wall with a loud 'bang', hoping Lucas would hear. I assumed he did when he started laughing. "Don't you sound happy to hear me."

"Go find Farkle and talk about boy stuff." I really didn't need Lucas pretending to care about what was going on right now. He was a good guy so he would obviously just offer to do things and say that he cared, but who cares about a sad little blonde girl with cancer? A hopeless cause? Not worth investing anything into.

"Hey." Riley walked up behind me with Farkle close behind.

"Did I hear my name?" Farkle asked.

"Let's do Maya a favor." I heard Lucas suggest.

"Yes, let's." I coated my voice in sarcastic sugar. Then I proceeded to take my head out of the locker and slam the door shut, revealing Lucas on the other side, leaning up against the locker next to mine, with his charming grin captivating his face. Not that I thought it was charming. I mean, Huckleberry is anything but charming.

"Let's go talk about 'boy stuff', Farkle." Lucas walked over to Farkle and swung his arm around the boy's shoulders. Farkle gave Lucas a weird look. Lucas just looked over at me. And for a minute, his eyes weren't teasing. They weren't smiling. They were serious, deep, concerned. I saw the concern in his eyes. I just couldn't tell if it was genuine.

"Boy stuff?" Farkle looked to Riley like she might be able to explain. She just shrugged.

"Come on." Lucas steered Farkle off down the hall.

"Let's go." I nodded to Riley. "Let's go find out what other things are goin on inside my sad, sad body."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Maya's POV:

Basically my life picked up what seemed to be a never-ending cycle. It was like I was stuck on the Ixian wheel. You know I don't know how to spell that. It's a math term that Farkle was learning in his calculus class. It was like repetitive or something. Ok so bad example, but you get the idea. I'd go to different doctor's offices. They'd run tests. They'd whisper. They'd do scans, they'd take blood. I got weird looks at school. Everyone knew something was up. Though so far everyone that knew had done a good job keeping it a secret. But it was only a matter of time.

"So which do you like better?"

"Huh?" I looked up and saw Riley standing in front of me in a cute purple dress. "That one's nice." I nodded. She sighed and gave me a look.

"You've said that about all the dresses I've tried on!"

"No, I told you the tube sock dress looked bad." I reminded.

"That was the lady in the room next to me." Riley frowned. "And I don't think she liked your opinion."

"Well she got it." I gave her a half smile. "I'm sorry Riles I'm just pretty tired." She immediately lost her pouty look and assumed a concerned one.

"Do we need to go home? I can call my dad. Anything hurt? Is it your legs again? How long has it been since you took those pain pills last?"

"No I don't need to go home, you don't need to call your dad, and yes my legs hurt. It's been two hours since the last pills." I rattled off.

"We should go." Riley turned and hurried back into the changing room and swished the curtain shut. "What do you want for dinner tonight?" she called.

"Food?" I sighed.

"Maya," Riley poked her head out of the curtain, looked around carefully then lowered her voice, "you start chemo in a few days. You should all the food you want while you can."

"Is Shawn coming for dinner tonight?" I asked, ignoring Riley's observation.

"Oh yeah, how was his date with your mom last night?" Riley pulled her head back in and she handed the purple dress out to me. The fabric ruffled in my fingers. She was trying on dresses for the winter formal. We both knew that Farkle was going to ask her, but date or not Riley wanted something fabulous to wear.

"Mom had a great time." I smiled to myself. "She really likes him."

"I knew she missed him. It had been what, a couple months since they last saw each other?" Riley popped out of the room.

"Yeah." I nodded, handed her the dress and we went to go hang it back up. "But I think things are getting more serious this time."

"I hope so." Riley's face broke into that huge grin as we walked out of the store. We made our way to the escalators and Riley linked her arm into mine.

"I don't need help." I mumbled.

"I never said you did." She replied under her breath.

00000000000000

Lucas' POV:

It was a dark, wet Friday afternoon. The final bell rang and I watched the sea of students swarming around their lockers, their friends, their phones, and all talking about weekend plans. I was waiting for Maya. The Matthews were going to watch Auggie in one of his elementary track meets and I had offered to take Maya to her last appointment before she started chemo. Shawn had offered, but Maya had insisted instead that Shawn take her to her first chemo and take tonight to go on a fancy date with her mom. It made her happy to see them together.

"Hey there Other One." Lucas smiled as Maya appeared beside him. "You ready?"

"Books." Maya motioned to her locker. Lucas popped it open and mentally laughed. She never locked it. "Which ones?"

"Computer science, my art templates, and algebra 2." She leaned up against my locker. I could tell she was tired. Maybe not as tired as she will be, but she was definitely mentally exhausted from all of this. "I got them." I held on tight to her books as she reached for them.

"I can carry a few textbooks." She scowled at me.

"And so can I." I gestured with my head for her to get a move on. She rolled her eyes and we made our way outside to where my car was parked. I put her books in the trunk, took her bag and tossed it in the backseat and watched as she gently flopped down into the passenger seat. I climbed in on my side and started the car. "Safety first." I reached across Maya and buckled her seat belt for her.

"Click it or ticket." She growled and reached across and grabbed my seat belt, pulled it tight, then let it back out in my face. I rubbed the spot on my cheek where the metal had hit me. "Someone's not in a good mood."

"Is it me?" she feigned sarcasm.

"Ok you need to tell me where I'm going." I changed the subject as we pulled out of the school's driveway and into traffic.

"It's the group of clinics down by the waterfront." She explained. "Right next to the pet store and that big outlet mall." I knew what she was talking about so I headed there.

"Music?" I offered. I looked over and saw her silently shake her head.

"I have a headache." She mumbled. The rest of the car ride was silent except when Riley called Maya to make sure she had gone with me and we were ok. I found a parking spot not too far from the building and she got out. "Thanks. See you tomorrow." She shut the door behind her. I jumped out of the car.

"How are you getting home?"

"I'll take the subway." She shrugged.

"In this weather? It's freezing. You'll catch a cold."

"Then I'll just catch one!" she exploded. I saw the fire, alive in her eyes. But I didn't mind her being mad. It brought some life back to her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, the fire was gone. "A cold, Lucas, is the least of my worries." I froze when she used my real name.

"Let me stay, Maya. I can take you home."

"I don't want you here." Her words stung, I admit. I had been her friend for over four years and she wouldn't let me in.

"Maya, I'm trying to help."

"I don't want you to see me like this!" she cried and her voice cracked. I was hurting her. "It's hard enough to see Riley's face when she sees the blood tests and when they give me the pills and the waiting rooms full of lifeless people. But you?" she paused and I could see her eyes were glassy, "I don't want you to think any differently of me."

Her words confused me. Was she saying that I was important enough to her that she cared what I thought about her? Or was she saying that only her true friends could see her like this? I couldn't tell. So I decided to do what I do best. The right thing.

"I'm coming with you." I locked the car and pocketed my keys.

"Ranger Rick, go home. Don't waste your Friday night."

"I'm not wasting my Friday," I walked over to her and put my hand on the small of her back, "if I'm with you."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Maya's POV:

I had prayed that Lucas would just leave me there. At least when I was alone I didn't have to put on an act for everyone. I didn't have to push away which was good because I was getting tired of the effort it required. But he had insisted. He had almost made me cry. So I let him. He walked beside me, not touching me, not talking to me. Which was good. He knew when to keep his mouth shut.

"Is it that one?" he pointed to a brick building to our right.

"No that's for heart disease." I pointed to the path that led us between a collection of buildings. "We go here." We followed the path back and into a big courtyard. I walked to the farthest door on the left and opened it. Immediately the air got warmer and the familiar smell of sterilizer filled my nose. We were in the main lobby.

Lucas' POV:

Maya knew exactly what to do and where to go. I hadn't realized how much time had been spent here. She walked over to the front desk and got in line behind a couple with a baby in it's carrier. I stood with Maya and looked down at the baby and smiled.

"So cute." I felt the words slip. For some reason I felt uncomfortable talking in here. Everyone waiting in line, in the chairs, mulling around wasn't speaking and when they did they spoke in hushed tones. The mother of the baby heard me and turned around and smiled. Then she noticed Maya.

"Hello Maya." The lady's voice was sweet and quiet. Maya looked up and I saw a small smile break out on Maya's lips.

"Hey Jackie." Maya's deeper voice was a great contrast to this Jackie lady's. "Hello Emmie." Maya cooed down to the infant in the carrier. I almost fainted. I had never heard Maya speak that sweetly to anything. I had never even known Maya liked kids. "How's she doin?" Maya looked back up to Jackie.

"The cancer is taking its toll." Jackie heaved a tired sigh and shifted her weight to the other foot while her husband moved forward and started speaking with the attendant. "Sometimes I can tell she's in pain, sometimes she doesn't recognize us."

"Did they decide what they want to do?" Maya asked. I heard the deep concern in her voice. It was very endearing to hear this side of Maya.

"Mm, that's what this visit is for." Jackie explained. "Final testing. They need to get on this before it's too late."

"Absolutely." Maya nodded in full agreement.

"And who's this?" Jackie looked over at me. I startled to attention. I had been enraptured by the simply sweet look on Maya's face. Her small smile, her eyes not sparkling, but bright.

"This is Huck-" she stopped herself, looked over up at me and we both smiled at her private mistake, "This is Lucas Friar. He's a friend from school."

"Pleasure to meet you, ma'am." I extended my hand for her to shake. She shook it with her one free hand and then stepped back to look at me.

"I wish we had had boys like this when I was in high school." Jackie chuckled. "I had to go way down to Florida to find this guy." She gestured to her husband who was checking them in.

"He's not as great as he looks." Maya replied about me and she looked up with a playful smile on her face. "He can get so annoying."

"Hey," Jackie giggled, "if I was you, I wouldn't mind having a cute boy as company during this." I blushed. Maya just snickered.

"Ready, Babe?" I saw Jackie's husband turn around and place his hand around her waist.

"It was nice meeting you." Jackie beamed at me. Maya waved and stepped up to the counter to begin checking in. As Jackie was walking away she muttered under her breath to me,

"That girl is something special. I hope you know that." And then she was gone. As a matter of fact, I had just been thinking how special Maya Penelope Hart was. And how much I envied Jackie's husband for having a kid and a girl of his to touch and comfort and love. I was popular sure. I had been on a few dates. But that wasn't the same as something real. Maya, Riley, Farkle, and I were getting closer and closer to the end of high school. And I knew what I wanted. I wanted a family.

"Ready?" Maya was suddenly in front of me, holding a piece of paper.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I followed her out of the lobby and up a staircase.

"That was the floor where they do x-rays and check in. Now we're going to the more specific office." She stepped out of the stairwell when we reached the fourth floor and we were in a huge hall. Doors on each side ran the length of it. And I'm pretty sure the hall ran the length of the building. She didn't hesitate though. She began to walk briskly to the seventh door on the left and opened it. This time we were in a much smaller lobby. But it wasn't any cozier. People sat in chair with oxygen tanks making eerie whispering sounds. Most of them were in wheelchairs. Some were older and some were frighteningly young. Like an eleven year old boy who sat with his mother, staring off into space. He had dark circles under his eyes and he was wearing a hat which I'm sure was hiding the fact that he had no hair. Maya and I took seats next to each other and she took out her phone and began to check her email. I tried not to make eye contact with anyone.

"Maya Hart." I nurse opened a side door and called her name.

"Do you want me to come with you?" all of sudden I was feeling very protective of her. I didn't want her to wither in that room alone. I saw her actually ponder for a minute before shaking her head.

"Thank you, but this is as far as you go." She rasped and then the nurse led her back into the depths of the office.

0000000000000000000000000

Maya's POV:

Today's check up was quicker, less chaotic. They were prepping me for chemo and having that chat with Jackie had lifted my spirits a lot. I sat on the bed wrapped in paper and let them take my temperature, check my reflexes, ask me questions and eventually have me put on that ugly gown and have them check my lungs and heartbeat.

"Not much worse than the last time." The nurse sounded pleased. "The cough any worse?"

"My voice is worse, but the medicine takes care of the cough." I explained she nodded and moved on to taking my blood pressure. By the time we were through with the regular procedures, I was already getting tired.

"Just a few more things." The nurse promised and left the room for a few minutes. My phone started to ring. I pulled it out and saw that it was Lucas. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes?" I answered.

"Are you ok?" I heard the concern in his voice.

"I'm fine."

"I just wanted to make sure. You've been in there a while."

"This is actually a shorter visit than most." I laughed dryly. I paused, then continued. "I'm almost done. Sorry to make you wait."

"No no," he immediately stopped me, "I was just checking. While I was waiting I walked around a bit. Did you know that there's a coffee cart on the fifth floor?"

"I did not." I chuckled. "But that's good to know for the future."

"It's pretty good." I could hear Lucas take a sip of something.

"So you bought some?"

"I was just gonna get something for you, but I wanted to test it first. Make sure it was good." He replied.

"Oh you got me some?" I tried not to sound too grateful.

"Sure did."

"I hope you got me-"

"Your vanilla mocha with half the sweetener?" he finished for me. "Yeah it's still warm."

"Oh." I smiled, glad he couldn't see how pleased I was. "Thank you."

"So just get out of there so you can come drink it."

"Cause I'm so in control of how fast this goes."

"If you hurry we might have time to do something before it's too late." Lucas added.

"I'd actually rather just go home…."

"Then hurry for the sake of my sanity. It's boring out here without you."

"Please." I sassed him. "It's boring anywhere without me." I heard him laugh and I ended the call.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Maya's POV:

When I came back out into the small waiting room there were only a few people left. But I noticed Lucas was standing and chatting with the receptionist. She was laughing. I didn't know what the feeling was that suddenly took over me for a second, but it wasn't good. Was it….no it couldn't possibly be…jealousy? No way.

"Hey." I breathed as I walked up to Lucas, careful to act nonchalant.

"And here she is." Lucas gestured to me like he expected a spotlight to form over me and an audience to start applauding.

"My coffee?" I asked expectantly. He laughed and handed me the still warm drink. I wrapped my small fingers around the cup and let it warm them before taking a sip. "Yum."

"You were right. She is pretty." The receptionist said. I turned and watched as a frustrated look appeared on Lucas' face.

"Mm, yeah." Lucas gave a tight smile. I was trying not to bust out laughing. "She is."

"Ok Maya." The receptionist handed me a packet that I had seen sitting in the printer behind her. "I believe this is yours."

"Thanks." I took the paper and looked over the new prescription I had. "I have to get it here?" I looked at the receptionist. She nodded.

"I know it's more expensive," she sighed, "but it's nowhere near the strength of the over-the-counter stuff."

"Figured." I huffed. I turned to Lucas. "Mind if we stop at the pharmacy downstairs for a couple minutes?" I held up the paper for him to see.

"Not at all." He nodded to the receptionist. "Nice to meet you."

"You too." She beamed. I was trying to calm my heart. He had told the receptionist that he thought I was pretty. But…what did I care? He probably always had. He treated me like a sister. Brothers compliment their sisters all the time. Lucas gently took my elbow and steered me back out into the huge hall.

"I liked her." I teased. I saw him breathe heavily. I snickered.

"I'm sure you did."

"Pharmacy is this way." I took the lead and began to lead him down the stairs to the bottom level. We walked in silence for the next two minutes. I was just tired, but he looked like he was thinking.

Lucas' POV:

I was thinking as Maya and I walked down the stairs. I had been sitting by myself and decided to ask the receptionist if Maya Hart was coming out any time soon. She and I struck up a conversation. I don't even know how I let the words come out of my mouth to some basically stranger that I thought Maya Hart was pretty. I watched her blonde curls swish across her back as she bounced down the stairs. Pretty was not good enough. I shook that thought from my head.

"How's your coffee?" I asked as we got in line for the pharmacy.

"Gone." She smiled sweetly up at me and tossed the cup into the nearest trash can.

"Nice shot." I watched the cup sail into the can with a small thud.

"You didn't know, but I tried out for the Lakers one year." She gave me a mysterious look.

"Lakers?" I scoffed. "Way to stay loyal to New York."

"Their uniforms are prettier." She defended herself. I laughed and she stepped up and ordered her meds. By the time we were walking back out to my car it was already dark out. A slight breeze had picked up and I saw Maya shiver. I was tempted to offer her my jacket like I had used to do with Riley, but I knew I'd get a glare or a punch or something. So I just pretended I hadn't seen. Back in the car we buckled up and started out of the parking lot.

"How about dinner?" I asked casually.

"How about home?" she pleaded.

"Come on, you'll be at home all the time in a week or so." I wish I could've taken those words back the minute I said them. "Maya!" my eyes widened. "I didn't mean-"

"Whatever." She replied harshly. The tad bit of tenderness I had seen in her was gone.

"Don't get mad." I coaxed her.

"I'm not mad." She crossed her arms.

"Could've fooled me."

"I'm not."

"So then you'll let me stop and get you something to eat?" I challenged. I could see I had caught her.

"I want Mexican." She replied curtly and didn't speak for the rest of the car ride. When we stopped, I had pulled into an evening cuisine Mexican restaurant called El Indio. I saw her look at it with satisfaction. "This good?"

"Let's make this quick." She was already getting out of the car. "I'm hungry." We walked in and were seated at a booth next to a picture of some crocodile man eating a tiger? I had no clue. But I could see that the food was pretty authentic. And I could see that Maya was already enjoying the chips and salsa so I didn't criticize.

"What looks good?" I asked as I watched her look over the menu.

"Fajitas." She pointed onto my menu at the fajitas for two special.

"You want me to get them with you?" I asked.

"Whatever floats your boat." She shrugged. So we ended up with a sizzling platter of meat in between us to build our burritos with. But the food really was good. And Maya devoured it and took some to go so I considered this a success. We were walking back to my car when she decided to finally talk more than just when she needed to. "I'm going back there again. That was yummy."

"I liked it." I nodded. We reached the car and instead of getting in, she leaned up against the side of it and looked up at the sky. New York was always to bright and hazy at night to ever see stars, but she still looked up. "Whatchya lookin at?" I came to lean next to her.

"I'm pretending I just saw a shooting star and making a wish." She turned and looked up at me with her deep sea green/blue eyes. "And you're breaking my concentration."

"Pardon me." I replied and she turned back to look up. "Ma'am." I added quietly.

"You're a pain." She sighed.

"What did you wish for?" I didn't want her to continue on that previous subject.

"What I'm gonna be wishing for for a long time now." She let a deep breath out slowly. We stood in silence for a few more minutes.

"I should get you home." I realized the time.

"K." she sounded very far away, dreamy almost.

0000000000000

We were back to the Matthews, at the bottom of the fire escape. Maya still insisted coming in through Riley's window at times. It was dark and a few street lights barely illuminated Maya's content face.

"See you on Monday." I didn't know what to do. I wanted to finalize this goodbye….but there was nothing to do. Pat her shoulder? No. Hug her? She would kill me. Kiss…. Stop right there. You haven't been done with Riley that long yet. And Maya has other things to think about. And so do you! My mind was working really hard here. But before I could calm my thoughts, I felt something smooth, soft, and warm slide into my hand. I looked down. Maya Penelope Hart was holding my hand. I looked down at her, startled.

"Thank you." She whispered. "For the rides. And coffee, and waiting, and dinner. And for being nice to Jackie. I could tell she liked you."

"Uhhh," my mind was blank with her touching me like this, "of course." I found words. "Maya?" I wanted to keep her here, holding my hand for as long as possible. I knew that Monday she would be back to teasing and grumbling at me. But for now, she was soft.

"Yeah?"

"I think I saw a shooting star." We both knew I hadn't. But I wanted to help keep her spirits up.

"So maybe the one I saw was real." She murmured sleepily.

"But I didn't wish on mine yet. Anything you want me to wish for?" I asked quietly. I saw her pause for a minute. Her hand was still wrapped in mine, feeling perfect there. Riley's hands were always so big, almost bigger than mine. But Maya's were small and fragile. So dainty and I cherished the feeling of them in my rough, callused, cowboy hands.

"I would wish for-"

"Maya?" we heard Riley's voice from up one level. Maya looked down.

"That would be Riley." She sighed.

"Coming!" Maya's loud voice made me jump a little. Then just like that her hand was gone, leaving a blank space between my fingers, the cold air seeping into my bones.

"Wait." I stopped her before she could climb the escape. "You didn't tell me what to wish for, Penelope."

"I wish for you to go home and go to bed." She shook her head and chuckled.

"You don't wish for me to stop calling you Penelope?" I feigned surprise, but part of me really was surprised.

"That could never happen." She replied as she began to climb. I watched her for a few minutes. Then we she reached the top, she turned and called back down, "And I wouldn't want you to!" then she ducked into Riley's bedroom and was gone.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Maya's POV:

Spring Fling was coming soon. Spring Break was coming soon. Summer break wasn't too far away. But while everyone else got excited for that, on a bright sunny morning in March I was on my way to a new clinic with Shawn in the backseat with Riley and me while Mr. Matthews and Mrs. Matthews sat up front. But I wasn't feeling gloomy. Shawn was here. And my mom was meeting us there. All the people I truly cared about were with me. Except for Farkle. And….I stopped myself. I wasn't thinking about….him.

"Let's stop for strawberry shakes!" Riley cried as we approached a Burgerville.

"Does it have enough protein in it?" Topanga was already like a hovering mother hen with Maya. She was constantly checking Maya's prescriptions and checking the reference sheets.

"Maya can eat what she wants." Shawn patted my shoulder gently. I smiled up at him. He knew I loved strawberry shakes.

"Yes please." I nodded and Mr. Matthews turned through the drive thru.

"Yayyyy!" Riley clapped as the pink cups with whipped cream on top were passed around the car. "So pink!"

"Hurry or we'll be late." Topanga was pushing on Cory's arm.

"This can spill." He was trying to juggle his milkshake. I sipped my shake contentedly and enjoyed sitting in between two of my favorite people. The two I trusted and loved.

"Here it is." Cory slowed the car and pulled into the parking lot for a huge brick building that had to be at least ten levels high.

"Big." Riley commented as we all got out of the car.

"They all look the same." I commented as we made our way to the main entrance. "Big or small doesn't matter. They all look….dead." Riley reached out and took my hand.

000000000000000000

Shawn's POV:

Maya was being so brave. We had been directed up to the eighth level. It had been decided that Riley would go with Maya while the standard stuff happened and then when the chemo started we would all go in and sit with her. Maya and Riley disappeared down a hall with a nurse where Maya would get her blood pressure checked and her temperature and she'd get changed. After about twenty minutes a nurse popped her head out and called us all back. I saw many people around the halls. Some pulled oxygen tanks, others were in wheelchairs. This specific cancer treatment center treated a specific kind of small cell lung cancer that had the possibility to move to other parts of the body. Which was what was happening to Maya. It was attacking her bones now.

"Hey." Riley stuck her head out of a door and the nurse led us into the room. Riley had taken the chair by Maya's bed. There was a couch and two chairs. But none of us sat down yet. Maya was in the huge hospital gown and sitting propped up on a hospital bed. She looked small and weak. It hurt.

"Ok Maya." Two nurses walked in, wheeling a cart with them. "You ready?" Maya nodded solemnly. Then she looked out at us. "Could you guys sit down? You're making me nervous." Topanga, Cory, and I all sat down quickly. Riley was holding firmly to Maya's right hand. The nurses kept Maya sitting up as they inserted the needle into Maya's vein and then the pump into the needle. Maya's eyes were squeezed tightly shut. Whether in pain or shock or denial or just sheer terror, we'd never know.

"Ok it's pumping." The nurse hit a button and the machine that they had wheeled in began to whir and we watched as the liquid began to race into Maya's bloodstream. A pained look came across Maya's face. Riley's eyes had tears in them. I could hardly stand this. I remembered my dad in the hospital. And here was my….well she wasn't technically my daughter. But I loved her like she was. The nurses checked Maya's temperature again and marked some things down on a sheet.

"How you doin?" Riley was almost whispering.

"I'm fine." Maya rasped. I cringed. She was only sixteen.

"Ok Maya, you have a while to go. We're gonna lay you down and we suggest you try to relax. Keep your heart rate down." The nurses explained and then they put the bed down and left us alone.

"You tired?" I asked carefully.

"I'm pretending I am." She mumbled, her eyes still shut.

"Do you want us to be quiet?" Topanga asked.

"No." Maya swallowed hard. "Keep talking."

"Your mom should be here soon." Cory promised. "She's probably stuck in traffic."

"It hurts." Maya whimpered and her hand flinched.

"Try not to move it." Topanga instructed and got up to sit on the end of the bed.

"How much longer?" Maya inhaled sharply.

"Not much. Just hang in there." I was bad at comforting.

"Maya?" Katy Hart stuck her head in the door.

"Mom?" Maya called.

"I'm here Babygirl." Katy set her purse down next to me and brushed a soft hand over my cheek then went to stand next to her daughter. "I got caught in traffic. It's busy today."

"It's ok." Maya was struggling.

"Sh sh." Katy smoothed some of Maya's hair back. "Don't talk."

"Dad?" Riley looked over at Cory. Riley looked very pale.

"Ok." Cory stood up quickly and guided Riley out of the room quickly.

"Riles?" Maya called.

"She'll be back soon." Topanga took up the hand that Riley had dropped.

"I'm sick of this." Maya sounded not only in pain, but frustrated. But I could hear her getting sleepy.

"Rest." Katy ordered. "Just relax your muscles." And the rest of the chemo that day was done in silence with Maya's even breathing and the whirring of the machines ringing in our ears. When the nurses came and removed the needle, Maya's eyes fluttered open immediately.

"Done?" Maya tried to sit up.

"All done." Katy kept her down. "But stay laying down just for a few more minutes."

"I wanna go home." Maya whispered.

"Ok. Ok. We'll go home soon." Topanga promised.

0000000000000000

Maya's POV:

It had hurt a little. But the feeling of the stuff going into my body was the worst. It made me feel all sick and achy. I felt like puking. So I was happy to stay laying down while the nurses talked to my mom and the Matthews and Shawn. And I hate to admit it, but while I was laying there, while the stuff was racing into my blood, I was thinking. I was thinking about Lucas. I was thinking about the way his hand had felt in mine. The way he had smiled down at me. How he had told the receptionist that I was pretty.

"Maya?" Riley stepped into the room.

"Good. You're back." I breathed a sigh of relief.

"I didn't mean to leave…." Riley trailed off.

"It's ok Riles." I turned my head as she walked around the room to the side of my bed.

"Lucas wants to talk to you." She held out her phone. "He's worried." I rolled my eyes.

"Hey Huckleberry. Stop worrying." I croaked into the phone.

"How are you feeling?" his voice was nice and clear.

"To be honest, not so great." I sighed.

"Well I just called to check up on you." He sounded suddenly very uncomfortable. "I'll see you on Monday?"

"Yeah." I heard him breathing quietly. "I hope." I added under my breath. "Talk to you later." I handed the phone back to Riley and she hung up.

"Let's go home." She held out her hand and Shawn stood up and held out his. Together they helped me up and guided me out of the room and back down the hall.


	12. Chapter 12

**I apologize I know chapter eleven was not my best.**

Chapter Twelve

Lucas' POV:

On Monday Maya left school half way through the day. I was worried about her. Riley had been texting me off and on through the weekend giving me updates on how Maya's body was responding to the treatment. It did not sound pretty. Riley told me that on Saturday night Maya had gotten pretty sick and had only recovered a bit Sunday afternoon, insisting that she go to school for at least half the day on Monday.

"Hey." I greeted her when she sat down in science.

"I don't feel good." She mumbled. I was startled. Maya never told me how she was doing. She would crack a joke or ignore me. But then I remembered that I was one of the only people at school that she could talk to about this. It was still a secret. I took in the dark rings under her eyes and the paleness of her skin. She still looked gorgeous, her blonde curls still there and her blue eyes still deep.

"I know." I replied gently.

"I wanna go home." She had said. And after that class she had left. After school I gathered Farkle and Riley and we all went home with Riley to see Maya.

"Knock knock." Farkle called as Riley opened the door and let us in. But Maya wasn't in the living room. "Where is she?"

"She's probably asleep." Riley led us through the house and to her bedroom. And sure enough Maya was asleep in Riley's bed, covered in mountains of blankets.

"Awww." The word slipped out before I could stop it. Both Riley and Farkle gave me a weird look.

"When's her next chemo appointment?" Farkle asked quietly as we all made our way to the bay window.

"A week and a half." Riley sighed. "And it's already making her feel awful."

"Should Farkle and I go?" I asked and looked over at the sleeping Maya.

"No," Riley shook her head, "Maya would kill me if I didn't wake her up to see you guys." Riley walked over and tapped Maya's shoulder. "Maya." Riley gently hummed. "Maya, Lucas and Farkle are here."

"Great." Was Maya's grumbled reply. Her head was still buried beneath the blankets.

"Come on get up." Riley coaxed. "You might feel better if you get something to drink."

"Nothing stays down." Maya replied. "And plus I'm not wearing clothes." When I heard that something inside me jumped. I don't know why it's just….no! Stop! Riley turned around and gave me a look.

"We'll wait in the hall." I nodded and Farkle and I exited while Riley got Maya up. When Riley called us back in, this time Maya was sitting up in bed, a baggy zebra print shirt hanging off of one shoulder and her hair up in a messy bun.

"What's up losers?" she rasped.

"Found clothes?" I teased.

"Don't act so happy." She was joking. She had to be. She couldn't have really thought I was upset that she was dressed….even though I was. I came and sat on the end of the bed.

"Brought you water." Farkle handed Maya a glass. Her hand shook as she accepted the water.

"Thanks but I can't stomach anything right now."

"Try." Riley instructed "Or you'll dehydrate."

"So what?" Maya sighed and sipped a bit of the water. "Gots to be better than this." She used her poor English phrase and then set the glass on the table, and leaned back against the headboard.

"We miss you in school." Farkle piped up.

"I want to play a board game." Maya acknowledged Farkle's comment but didn't add onto it.

"What do you wanna play?" Riley asked and went to the check her game cabinet.

"Let's play Life again!" Farkle cried in excitement.

"Sure let's do that." Maya nodded and Riley brought the board back over to the bed and began to set it up.

"I call the green car!" Farkle shouted before Riley could even open the box. Maya chose the blue car to match her eyes. Her gorgeous sea blue eyes that were so beyond her time. Seen things no one else had. Noticed things most people wouldn't. Read souls that no one would or should. Passed over the other simple pairs of eyes, not knowing that her pair were something so special. Which is why I loved her eyes. Her looks. Because she didn't know what she had. And how many people wanted what she had.

"I get a son!" Riley shouts excitedly. Riley always got so excited about kids.

"I get twin daughters." Maya announces weakly and shakily adds two pink pegs to her car. I grimaced. This kind of Maya scared me. But I felt a sense of protectiveness when I was around her now. I didn't know what to think of it. Maya played it off like she didn't care about the kids. But I could tell she liked it.

"You gonna get some kids in real life?" the words slipped out of my mouth before I could think. She looked up, startled. After some stammering, she found her words.

"I think kids might be nice." She murmured. "If I don't screw things up for them."

"What?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Maya Hart would be a wonderful mother! But before she could respond, a horrible look appeared on her face. Suddenly she was throwing back the cover and racing to Riley's bathroom.

"Maya!" Riley cried, grabbed a bottle off the bedside table, a blanket, and her phone. Farkle and I jumped up but didn't move towards the bathroom as we watched Riley dash in behind Maya and heard the sounds of Maya losing the water Farkle had given her. Farkle and I exchanged worried looks. In a few minutes the sounds died down. "Guys?" Riley called.

"Yeah?" Farkle called back. Riley appeared in the doorway.

"Could you go warm up the cinnamon heat pillow?" Riley asked Farkle. "It's in the guest bathroom cabinet."

"On it." Farkle jogged out of her room and down the hall. Riley turned to me.

"I need to go call my mom. Could you please go sit with her?" Riley's eyes pleaded with me. "Try to make her take her nausea pills."

"Riley, I don't know what to-"

"Talk to her. Make her laugh. And if worst come to worst, hold her hair back." Riley nodded then ran to go call her mom. I took a deep breath and peeked into the bathroom. Maya was wrapped in the fuzzy blanket that Riley had brought in. She was leaning back up against the opposite wall of the toilet. Her hair had fallen down from its bun and her eyes were closed. But somehow she knew it was me.

"Cowboy." She whispered.

"Hey." I slid down next to her.

"I want to die." Her words stung. She couldn't say that. She couldn't possibly mean it.

"No you don't." I reached onto the counter and grabbed the bottle of nausea pills. "You're just tired of all of this."

"If death is inevitable, why even fight?" she sighed.

"Stop sounding so defeated." I ordered. "You're Maya Hart. You never let anything get the best of you."

"This is the worst of me."

"We all like you just the same." I reminded.

"If only-"

"Now don't start blaming yourself." I stopped her.

"I wasn't going to."

"It's no one's fault that you're hear like this. Sometimes these things happen." I really didn't know how to justify this.

"Yeah you keep believing that." She replied.

"What do you mean?" I sat up straighter.

"Some people just have this happen. And others are the victims of some peoples' mistakes."

"What are you saying?" I was getting scared.

"I didn't tell you, didn't let Cory tell you why this happened." She was taking short, raspy breaths. "The doctor said when we first started testing that the seriousness of this was enhanced by my father's smoking. As a child it made my lungs weak. The doctor said that if I hadn't caught that second hand smoke, my body could've fought it away." She let out a breath and lapsed into silence. I couldn't breathe. Because of her father, she was here on the bathroom floor dying of cancer.

"Why….why didn't you-" but suddenly her face was over the toilet. I jumped forward and held her hair back. I rubbed her back as well, just instinct I guess. She was dry heaving. Poor girl. She probably hadn't eaten in days. Or kept it down in days. I started to wrap my arms around her to carry her back to bed or set her back against the wall but her arm whipped out and stopped me. Her reflexes were still there.

"Not yet." She shook her head. "When I'm scrawny and weak and have one of those oxygen tanks, you can carry me."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

Maya's POV:

That summer came quickly. School was dismissed and for a while, Maya seemed relieved. Already she had begun to miss school and her grades began to slide. Being released from that requirement for a few months gave her time to focus on much more important things. She had been doing chemo for about two months now and it was taking its toll.

"Come on." Riley ordered, standing at the foot of the bed that the Matthews had moved into Riley's room for me.

"No." I retorted and pulled the covers tighter over my head. I was still getting used to feeling the fabric rubbing on the exposed parts of my head. "I look hideous. I'm done going out. I'll die here with you and food and a comfy mattress."

"That sounds just awful." I heard Riley say and heard her wedge heel boots clopping over to the side of the bed and stopping next to me. "Mom made breakfast."

"Great so I can go sit out in the living room while everyone looks at me and my missing hair." I growled.

"No one is looking at you!" Riley cried. "Geez Maya just come eat! You know I know you're feeling sorry for yourself but there comes a point when I can't help you anymore if you won't help yourself!" Riley stopped shouting and took a shaky breath. We both were quiet. I was thinking. A little voice in the back of my head was telling me that she was right. And for once I didn't have the energy to keep being stubborn. I unrolled the blankets a little until I could see her.

"Will you hand me my bobby pins?"

"Yeah." Riley grabbed a handful of pins off her dresser and gave them to me. I sat up and began to pin the bits of blonde hair up on top of my head. "Have you thought about…getting a wig?" Riley asked carefully.

"Some." I admitted. I reached onto the bedside table and grabbed a beanie. I gently slid it on over the pins. That was a good as it was gonna get. "But I don't know if I could stand the whole posing thing. It's not long before people find out. And then they'll know the hair is fake."

"Actually…." Riley's voice grew guilty.

"Whaaaat?" I asked suspiciously as I stood up and went to go find something to put on.

"Some people at school kind of already….know." she winced. I turned around slowly to face her. I began to glare.

"And how do they know if none of you guys were talking about it?"

"It wasn't my fault!" Riley cried and grabbed a pillow for protection.

"Whose is it?" I growled.

"Well Sarah overheard Lucas talking to my dad about it and it kind of just took off from there…." Riley looked down. "I'm sorry, Maya."

"Your dad will be." I stomped to her door and flung it open. "And so will Lucas!"

00000000000000000

"Matthews!" I hollered through the house.

"Hart!" he called back. "I'm eating!" I stormed into the kitchen, yanked his spoon out of his hand and chucked it across the living room. Topanga's mouth was hanging open. Auggie's eyes were wide. "What did I do?!" Cory cried.

"You promised not to talk about it at school!" I yelled. His surprised look slowly faded.

"Maya-"

"Don't 'Maya' me!" I turned on my heel and started for the front door.

"Where are you going?" Topanga got up.

"To find Lucas and chew him out." I huffed as I fumbled with my jacket zipper. "I won't be out long." I let myself out and began to make my way to Lucas' house. By the time I got there I was feeling completely drained and weak. I pounded on the front door, but instead of getting Lucas, I was greeted by his mom. I had only met her a few times, occasionally for school projects and a birthday or two, but never ever had I come here without any of my friends, all of my own accord.

"Maya." She looked startled. She was an average height woman with wavy honey colored hair. She was wearing her usual baking apron that was covered in flour. I could smell something amazing coming from the kitchen.

"Is Lucas here?" I asked carefully.

"Come in." she gestured instead and had me step into the entryway of the large suburban house. Lucas was not as wealthy as Farkle, but his family was wealthy enough to have a house instead of a drafty apartment like mine. "Lucas!" she called. "Maya's here!" after she was done shouting, she motioned for me to sit on one of their fancy couches in the front room right off the entryway. I sat down uneasily. I wasn't good with people. I hoped she didn't want to talk. "So how are you?" she asked cautiously.

"Huh?" I was confused. "Fine? I guess." I shrugged.

"Lucas told me the chemo is making you feel pretty under the weather." Lucas told his mother. He was telling everyone! My brain started to reel I was so angry.

"Maya!" Lucas cried from the top of the sweeping staircase that looked over the front room. "What are you doing here? Did something happen?"

"Something did." I muttered and glanced quickly at his mother.

"I'll bring you two some lemonade." His mom offered.

"No thanks, Mama." Lucas could read the look on my face. "We'll go for a walk first."

"Is that good for Maya?" she was concerned.

"I'll be fine." I tried not to shout. I was so angry I couldn't even think as I grabbed Lucas and yanked him outside. As soon as the door closed behind him I shoved him up against the brick siding of his house. He hit the wall hard. "You told her?!" I shouted. He looked completely startled. "And you were talking about it at school!" I turned and began to walk briskly away from his house and I heard him following my pace. "I told you not to talk about it! This is my problem! Not yours! It's not your business to share it!"

"Maya-" I turned and punched him in the arm as hard as I could. He sucked in his breath.

"I don't want to hear it!"

"I'm sorry!" he cried.

"You should be! Now the whole school knows and the only thing I'll ever get again is those stupid pity looks!"

"Everyone was going to find out eventually!"

"Yeah. But prolonging it was the one thing I asked you to do for me in all of this. Does it look like I need your help?" I threw my hands up. I saw the look on his face, then remembered how awful I looked. "Don't answer that." I sighed. "But seriously," I was beginning to rant, "I don't need your rides to the doctors office and for you to be there. The only thing I asked is that you keep it a secret and you can't even do that!"

"Maya I didn't think Sarah would hear! And I didn't think that it would affect you if my mom knew."

"I don't need you!" I screamed, sending a few birds flying off of the yard next to us and taking refuge on a telephone line. The sun was out and burning bright like those normal summer New York days. And the sky was a brilliant blue with a little city haze. And everything was quiet. That was not normal. I could see I had hurt Lucas' feelings. And the truth was, I did need him. I just didn't want to admit it. Not yet.

"Then why are you here?!" he shouted back. I paused. That was an excellent question.

"Because," I began slowly, "if I wasn't here, I'd be at home, in bed, hiding my hair." I saw him freeze. He had just noticed my hat.

"Is it that bad?"

"I'm so ugly." I breathed. He cringed.

"When you say that it makes me so angry." He muttered.

"What's it to you anyways?" I scoffed.

"It's everything!" his voice began to rise. "I bet every girl wishes she has what you have!"

"Why?!" I cried. "What's so great that I have?!"

"You have amazing blonde hair! Beautiful blue eyes! A great sense of humor! A nice sense of style! Outstanding artistic talent! A great voice! The perfect body! And you don't appreciate any of it!"

"You look at me and see all of those things," I ignored the fact that he had just made me blush, "I look in the mirror and see the fat on my stomach. I see the frizzy hair, the short eyelashes, the chubby fingers. I look at my art and see the mistakes. I listen to my jokes and mentally grimace they're so stupid."

"You're being so selfish." He shook his head.

"What?!" I screamed. "Me!?"

"Yes!"

"I have cancer! I can hardly get out of bed each day! Sometimes I can't! I get a sick every week! And I'm being selfish?!"

"Ok I get it! But that's not an excuse to be rude to poor Riley for trying to help! And to yell at me and Mr. Matthews because we made a mistake. And to feel sorry for yourself. I'm sick of you talking about poor you all the time. Having no hope is one thing, but constantly making your life sound so horrible is getting on my nerves." He huffed. I could feel hot tears building up behind my eyes. I had no idea why. Words couldn't hurt Maya Hart. Especially not Lucas' words.

"Well I'm sorry to hear that." I replied quietly and sucked in a shaky breath. "You didn't sign a contract. You don't want to be my friend, fine, you can walk away whenever."

"Maya," he rolled his eyes, "that's not what I said."

"No, it's not. But I might as well get the inevitable out of the way. Everyone that I care about leaves me. Right now, you don't sound like you want to stay."

"You care about me?" he paused. I froze. Had I really said that out loud?

"Forget it." I turned and continued walking back down his street.

"Well I care about you too." Lucas called. I stopped. "Which is the reason why I yelled at you. It was to help you."

"Like I said," I called over my shoulder, "I don't need your help."

"I think you kinda do." He jogged up behind me and put his hand on mine that was resting in my coat pocket. "You need a lot of help right now." I lifted my head and looked up into his eyes. He was looking down at me with an unreadable expression on his face.

"If you're gonna leave, do it now. Stop hanging around, pretending." I whispered.

"Maya Penelope," she flinched, "Hart. I am not leaving! I held your hair back! I carried you home from the icecream shop! I'm not leaving!"

"That's a first." I murmured.

"And Riley won't either. Or the Matthews. Or your mom. Or Shawn. Realize that."

"Maybe someday I will." I sighed and pulled away from him and walked off down the street, leaving him there in the summer sun and the cool breeze blowing through his hair.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Riley's POV:

It was a Sunday evening when it happened. Maya and I were in my room playing a game of checkers. Maya usually hated checkers but I had convinced her that she could eventually go down to central park and win some money off the old guys if she practiced with me. So here we were. She had just moved her black piece a square up when my mom opened the door.

"Girls?" Topanga smiled. We both looked up. "Lucas and Farkle are here. They're in the living room with Dad. I'm going to the grocery store."

"K!" I smiled. "Let's go." I looked over at Maya.

"Hold on." Maya stopped me and motioned to the checkers. "Let's finish."

"Bye girls." Topanga waved and closed the door.

"I already know you'll win." I sighed and moved another piece.

"That's the fun." Maya smiled evilly and captured the piece I had just moved.

"Please let's just go see Lucas and Farkle." I took her hand and we both stood up and made our way out into the hall. But before we stepped into the room, Maya stopped me. She put her hand across my stomach and motioned for me to stay quiet. She had a strange look in her eyes. I looked in and saw my dad talking to Lucas.

"But Sir," I heard Lucas say, "she wasn't ever going to tell you!" I looked over at Maya and saw her chest rising and falling very fast.

"Mr. Friar are you sure she knew what she was talking about?" Cory asked skeptically.

"Sir, Maya told me clearly that it was her father's smoking that crushed her chances." Lucas sounded very concerned. And suddenly, so was I. I turned to Maya quickly.

"What is he talking about?!" I whisper shouted at her. Her eyes were huge. And her face was red. She was angry.

"Does Riley know?" Farkle asked curiously.

"I don't think so." Lucas shook his head. "I felt I should tell you, Sir." He turned back to my dad.

"What don't I know?!" I whisper shouted again. This time Maya turned to look at me. A look of desperation was written all over her face. She looked completely panicked. "Maya is Lucas saying that your dad-" she turned away.

"How could you?!" Maya stormed into the living room leaving me standing in the hall.

"Maya!" Farkle jumped up.

"Maya." My dad stood as well. "Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I can't BELIEVE you!" she screamed at Lucas. "I TRUSTED you!"

"Maya, if I didn't say anything-" he started.

"We would still be friends." She finished for him. The room got quiet.

"What?" he choked.

"Get out." Her voice cracked. "I'm sick of you sharing my secrets. Get out."

"Mr. Matthews needed to know!" Lucas cried.

"Maya, it's good that Lucas told me." My dad spoke up.

"I HATE you!" she stepped up to Lucas. "Why did you have to move here?! Why did you have to steal my best friend's attention for years?! And why did you have to tell all of my secrets!? And why did I even trust you?!"

"Maya!" Farkle cried and tried to pull her back.

"Get off me!" Maya jerked her arm away. "Get out!"

"This is my house." Cory stepped in. "Lucas needs to stay. Maya we need to have a very serious discussion about this."

"Fine!" Maya screamed. "Then _I_ will leave!" she ran over to the coat rack and grabbed her jacket.

"Maya, you stay here!" Dad ordered.

"Make me!" she cried and opened the door.

"You do not walk out of here!" he warned.

"You can't tell me what to do! You're not my father!" she yelled and slammed the door behind her. And then she was gone.

00000000000000000000000000

I knew where I would find her. Best friends always know where their other half is. She was in the art gallery downtown, sitting in front of her favorite exhibit. She had a piece of paper and a pencil with her and she was trying to recreate it.

"Hey." My voice echoed through the empty hall.

"I knew you'd come." She replied simply.

"I knew you'd be here." I sat down next to her and looked up at the painting.

"You better not have-"

"I came alone." I promised. I saw her shoulders relax. For a few more minutes we sat and I listened to her pencil rub on the paper. "Is it true?" the words came out before I could stop them. "About your dad?"

"Yes," she sighed, "yes Riles, it's true."

"Maya, I'm so-"

"Don't be." She answered before I could finish. "It's just me and my luck."

"Why wouldn't you tell me?" I asked.

"You wouldn't understand."

"And Lucas would?" I argued.

"His older brother used to smoke." She replied quietly. She was still sketching. "His brother got in with the wrong crowd and started smoking a few years ago. He knew about secondhand smoke. I thought he would understand."

"He told you that?"

"Yeah a few years ago when he came to school smelling like weed. I knew what was up. He told me." Maya was breathing deeply almost like she was memorizing the scent of the gallery. Or just remembering the scent from a different time.

"So you were pretty mad, huh?" I asked gently. She sighed and set her pencil down gingerly.

"No I was furious."

"But Maya, he just-"

"Stop defending him." She replied coldly. "He's not perfect you know. He obviously messed up. It was a secret. I confided in him. Twice. And he let me down."

"If he hadn't told-"

"Nothing bad would've happened. The doctors knew and that was all that mattered."

"It's not that." I picked up her pencil and began to twirl it between my fingers. "It makes us wonder what else you aren't telling us. We're your family, Maya. There shouldn't be anything you can't tell us."

"Unfortunately that's not the case."

"Maya if you can't trust me….who can you trust?" I was genuinely hurt. "I thought we could always tell each other anything."

"Well that was before I grew up." She took the pencil back from me and began to study the painting again. "Some things are better unsaid."

"Not for us." I grabbed the pencil away, forcing her to look at me. "I like to believe that our friendship is different than any other friendship ever. We are always there for each other, protect each other, put the other first, support each other, and most of all: tell each other everything."

0000000000000000000

Maya's POV:

When Riley said that, it cut deep. I used to tell her everything. I had told her everything, up until I found out about the smoking.

"You know everything." I promised when I saw the hurt look in her eyes. "The smoke was the only thing I hadn't told you."

"You're sure?" she looked so concerned.

"Yeah," I shrugged, "well except for…." I stopped. No. I couldn't tell her that. She looked at me expectantly. I smiled a small smile. "Except I haven't told you recently what a great friend you are."

"Aww." She smiled and leaned in for a hug. "Thanks, Maya."

"No, thank you." I corrected her.

"For what?" she pulled back.

"For putting up with me. I know I've been pitying myself lately. And using the cancer as an excuse to treat everyone badly. But no more. I'm sorry and it won't happen again."

"Thanks. Hearing that is really nice." She smiled. I started to nod, then stopped. All that I had just said….Lucas had told me. He had been….right. Riley had been feeling pushed around and unthanked. And he had tried to tell me.

"I have to go." I stood up quickly.

"Where?" Riley stood up with me.

"To find Lucas." Was all I needed to say and Riley understood.

"You really scared him." She added quietly.

"I know." I sighed. "Do you know where he is?"

"He's waiting for you down at the waterfront." Riley smiled.

"I'll be back." I started out the doors.

"It's late!" Riley called after me. "Don't be too long!"

"I won't!" I called and quickly made my way to the waterfront. Ever since the first year of high school, Riley, Farkle, Lucas, and I had made the waterfront walkway by the Hudson River a special hang out spot. But over the past few years it had become more of just my spot. Lucas knew I liked it. It was quiet, had strings of lights hung above the path, and the sound of the water lapping against the side of the concrete of the city. It was my peaceful place. I slowed down when I saw his shadow under the lights. The path was empty, no stars out tonight because of the clouds. It was summer still, but the weather had become pretty ugly.

"Hey." I dug my hands into my pockets and kicked at a pebble.

"You showed up." He was looking out at the water. He hadn't even turned.

"Um…yeah." I breathed. I had no idea what to say. He didn't say anything else. I walked up to the railing next to him and looked out over the water. I shivered in the cold. He turned his head.

"You cold?" he began to take off his jacket.

"I'm fine." He stopped.

"If you're cold, tell me."

"Ok fine, I'm a little cold." I admitted and took the jacket begrudgingly. We stood in silence another few minutes. "I'm sorry." I gave up my 'too cool' act and just gave in. "I'm sorry I said I hated you. I don't. I'm sorry I was so mean to you. You were right. I was being pretty awful to everyone and I realized it. If you hadn't told me, I might not have."

"Yeah well I'm sorry I told. But you understand why I did, don't you?" he looked at me now. I faced him.

"Yeah. Yeah I do." I sighed in defeat. "I just wish…."

"I know." He nodded. "Some things are easier left unsaid. Easier, not better."

"Yeah."

"So you really wish I hadn't moved here?" he asked and I saw him kick at the ground.

"I wish I could take that back." I groaned. I saw him smile a little.

"So you're happy I moved here?" I could see hope dancing in his eyes.

"Don't try to trick me into saying anything, Huckleberry." I narrowed my eyes at him. He just chuckled and lowered his head.

"The truth is," he took a deep breath, "Maya I don't know what I would do if you hated me. You're that spark that always gets me going, keeps me laughing, makes me excited for the next days. When you said those things, acted so angry, you really scared me. I thought I had lost you forever. Having Riley as a friend is amazing, but having you is-" he stopped when I put my hand over his hand, which was resting on the railing. He froze.

"You could never lose me." I croaked. He began to lean in, and for maybe just a millisecond, I did too. But I knew that it was just my imagination. Lucas Friar did not like me. He was not about to kiss me. Not me. Not the cancer girl. So I pulled away. Neither of us were getting hurt by this. "Walk me home?"

00000000000000000

Lucas' POV:

She didn't let me kiss her. I wanted to. I so wanted to. Maybe more than anything else before. But she pulled away. And I didn't understand why.

"Walk me home?" she asked. She looked completely unfazed.

"Of course." I forced the words out of my mouth. She nodded, dug her hands back into her pockets again, and led the way home.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Maya's POV:

The next morning was hell. I had another chemo appointment, with only Shawn there to comfort me, and all the time in the world to think about it. I laid there, feeling pretty crappy, when Shawn broke the silence.

"What are you thinkin about?" he asked quietly.

"Huh?" I was startled out of my thoughts about Lucas and I leaning closer and closer and closer…..

"I asked what you're thinking about." Shawn pointed to the blank wall I had been staring at for the past hour. "That can't be it." I shifted and the deafening sound of the stiff clinic sheets rubbing against me filled silent room. I sat up a little, leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

"Shawn, how did you know that you liked Angela?" I asked carefully.

"What?" he sat up a little straighter, surprised by my question. He knew I never liked to bring up Angela, what with him kind of dating my mom and all.

"Like when did you know, like really know that you wanted to be hers?" I repeated. I saw him mentally grasp the question. He cleared his throat.

"Any particular reason why you ask this?" he smiled slyly.

"Shut up. And no." I replied with a slight lie. I didn't know if it was a lie or not yet. "I was just curious."

"Well then to save you the curiosity: I knew I wanted to have a future with Angela the night when I took her out for our very first Valentines' Day dinner. It was after I had been handcuffed in a boat house, after I had explained how much she meant to me. Anyways, it was while we were standing outside the restaurant after dinner, waiting for a cab that I found out. She looked up at me and I could see that she was workin on something in that pretty mind of hers. And before I could ask what it was, she kissed me."

"So you knew because of the kiss?" I asked.

"No, I knew because she had the courage to kiss me, when I didn't even have the courage to kiss her." Shawn smiled bashfully, he was looking back on the memory, relishing in the fact that he was telling it.

"But you didn't get that future with her. The one you said you knew you'd have when she kissed you." I reminded. His face grew sad.

"That's true." He nodded. "I didn't get it. But that doesn't mean my future, or I guess my present time now is bad."

"But how can you be so sure about someone, if the future is so unclear?"

"Well, all I based Angela's and my relationship on was Cory and Topanga's. I wanted the fairytale relationship that they had. I wanted to meet someone when I was younger, grow old together, have them love me for me. But that kind of relationship is rare. But that doesn't necessarily mean it's bad if it isn't fairytale." He sighed and looked at me for a moment. "Who knows, I mean maybe you can have a different kind of fairytale. Like meeting a woman in a diner when you thought you were too old to find love. Maybe it's finding out that her daughter is amazing. Maybe there's a reason why Angela and I didn't have a future together."

"Maybe." I smiled limply.

"Maybe that's what the feeling was, when Angela kissed me. Maybe it wasn't knowing the future would be good with her, maybe it was just knowing that my future would be good and that I would find love eventually." Shawn nodded slowly. "In fact that could very well be it."

"Weren't you ever scared you'd mess things up? I mean from a broken home, lots of baggage, anger issues. I mean, weren't you scared that you would only drag Angela down?"

"Of course I was."

"Then why didn't you hold back?"

"Because I knew that I'd be even more broken if I didn't have her." Shawn replied and I heard his voice crack a little.

"Don't cry."

"I'm not." He chuckled. I kept my eyes closed.

"So you never got that fairytale moment with my mom then?"

"No I think I did, just in a different way." Shawn replied very seriously. "It was like I met her and it felt like I had known her my whole life."

"Oh."

"Maya, why are you asking me all of this? Not just to make the time fly I'm assuming."

"What if you hold back? Would you ever find love? Or I guess, would it ever find you?" my voice was starting to shake. I was willing myself not to think of Lucas as I said this.

"Maya, if you find love, why would you wait until half your life is gone to start enjoying it? Don't be like me. Stop hiding from others because you're afraid of what you bring with you to the table."

"Bringing cancer to the table is a pretty big deal." I bit my lip.

"It hasn't been to your friends. Look at them, they're still all by your side, ready to help and support and love. People like them need to be cherished. So why hold back?"

"I don't hold back with them. I tell Riley everything."

"What about Farkle?" Shawn asked.

"Farkle can find anything out about me if he wants to." I chuckled dryly.

"What about Lucas?" Shawn challenged. I sat quietly. "Whom I'm guessing this conversation is about."

"Is not!" I cried, then lowered my voice. "I don't like people like him."

"Because they actually care? Because the real you shows when you're around them? Because they make you feel nervous and self conscious cause they can see what others can't? I know. I chose girls the opposite of that when I started dating. Shallow girls who couldn't care less about my feelings or my past, just about my looks. Then I could never be hurt. I'd break things off, still feel confident, then look for the next. Then Angela came and I gave her the power to hurt me."

"Why would you willingly do that?!" I cried.

"Because I loved her enough to give her that power." We both sat in silence then, the machine next to me stopped whirring and I knew the chemo was done. The nurse would come on a few minutes. "So I guess the question is, do you love Lucas enough to give him that power?"

"What?" I choked.

"Maya, he's been by your side through this whole thing. And you love it. Are you really going to try to tell me that you never wanted him to stay? You care that he stays, you love him to death and you hate for him to see you like this?"

"Lucas Friar is the least of my worries right now." I sighed and ran a hand through what was left of my hair.

"Yeah that'd be the logical thing to say wouldn't it be?" Shawn shook his head. "But come on, Maya. I was in high school once too. Those people that shouldn't matter, the feelings that seem so unimportant, they're all you can think about."

"He's not all I think about." I replied indignantly.

"I'm not saying he is. And I'm certainly not telling you to run out and find a boyfriend. Of course I'm not cause then I'd have to beat him up." Shawn smiled. "But what I am saying is: if you are wondering how to handle the fact that you have feelings for Friar, well I told you what I think."

"So you said that sometimes, you can find out who is meant for you just out of the blue? Just BAM? You realize. And sometimes it's a gradual build up. Sometimes it's not your soulmate that you realize either. Just a very special person to you."

"That's hard to remember." I squeezed my eyes even more tightly shut.

"Haha, that's love for you."

"For the record, I do not _love_ Lucas Friar."

"I know. But I think you might be on the way."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

Lucas' POV:

Our junior year was starting. Maya was still going through the treatments and made the decision that it was best to start school online. She would show up back at school when the major treatments were completely finished. That meant that the start of this school year was way too hard for me. I had no comic relief with blonde hair sitting in the desk in front of me. I had no one to tease and laugh at me. I had no one to pester or subtly give the homework answers to. I noticed her absence. So every day after football practice I would go over to her house. The Matthews were technically Maya's guardians, but Maya still spent time at her real home. I'd get there and Maya would be on the couch, watching some dumb cartoon and either sketching or sleeping. Sometimes Shawn or Riley would be there and if she had energy we'd play a game or watch an action movie. Then I'd wait with her and help her with homework and talk to her until Katy got home. Then Katy would invite me to stay a while longer and would serve us a snack. Usually I ended up eating Maya's snack for her while she told me about her latest art creating. So went the first two months of the new school year.

"That's really pretty." I said one evening as I watched over her shoulder as she began a sketch of a dragon breathing fire.

"Stop munching those carrots in my ear. I can't concentrate." She grumbled and shooed me away. I took my plate of carrot sticks and sat in the chair across from her. She worked in silence. That was a difference between Riley and Maya. Silence scared Riley. She always had to fill any silence there was. But Maya didn't mind. She was very independent, so when there was silence she would just do her own thing, make the conversation the other person's deal. "Maya!" I cried all of a sudden and she jumped and her pencil slid clumsily across her paper, making a long dark streak across the dragon's face. She looked up slowly and glared at me.

"What was that for?" she hissed.

"Wanted to see you jump." I smiled sweetly and stood up and walked over to her. I slid the drawing from her hands. "Take a break."

"To do what?"

"My first football game is tomorrow night." I changed the subject. I had been working up courage to ask her this for a while.

"Yeah?"

"I brought you this." I produced my second jersey from my backpack. It was my white away jersey.

"You're away jersey?" she fingered the fabric skeptically.

"Come to the game."

"You know I don't like people seeing me like this." She motioned to her head which was covered with one of her favorite beanies.

"Let me rephrase that." I picked up the jersey and held it out to her. "It would mean a lot if you came."

"It will be cold, Ranger Rick."

"Which is why I'm offering you this."

"Only girlfriends wear a guy's jersey." She shrugged.

"Then pretend to be my girlfriend for a night." I replied casually, trying not to let the feeling on the inside of me make me sound serious about that statement.

"Football isn't really a cancer person's thing." She coughed lightly.

"Think about it?" I suggested.

"I don't think-" I put my finger to her lips, then pushed the jersey further into her hands.

"Thank you." I smiled, grabbed my bag and headed for the door. Katy opened it right as I was about to say goodbye.

"Oh! Hey Lucas you startled me." She stepped around me and dropped her keys on the kitchen counter. "Stay a while?" she turned and asked me.

"I have a lot of homework." I sighed. "But I really wish I could." I let my eyes drift to Maya on the couch. Even without her blonde hair, her loss of weight, the dark circles under her eyes, I loved her. I loved her anyway she was.

"Well tomorrow then." Katy nodded.

"Tomorrow is the football game, Mom." Maya called from the couch.

"Which Maya will be going to." I added to Katy. "I hope that's ok, Miss Hart. Riley will be here at six thirty to get her?"

"I told him maybe!" Maya called again.

"Sounds fine." Katy smiled and waved.

"See you tomorrow night, Other One!" I called as I stepped through the doorway.

"Mm, we'll see, Huckleberry!" she called back.

000000000000000000000

Maya's POV:

When Lucas had pulled his jersey out and asked me to wear it, I almost fainted. After he had left I finger the fabric, then lifted it to my nose and lightly breathed in his scent. It was a scent that said: strong, protection, safe, and hot. But that last one is just between you and me. So the next night I had a decision to make. I hated going out in public now. Especially back around all my fellow high schoolers. They'd all ask how I was doing and want to know the details to gossip about. But as I held the jersey, I knew that if I didn't wear it, I'd regret it. Lucas couldn't care too much about me showing up, but I know that if I didn't, I'd never forgive myself for the chance of feeling so close to him.

"Knock knock." Riley called as she stepped through my bedroom window the next night. "My dad is down in the car. Farkle is too. Football time!"

"How does it look?" I turned and when she saw me, her mouth dropped open.

"Maya!" she cried. She was looking at my hair. Yes, my hair. I had finally broke down and purchased a wig. A nice one. It was a tad more red than my real color, more of an auburn really, a blonde auburn. I loved having hair again. Instead of the beachy look my real hair had, this hair was straight and shiny.

"I get a chance to have a different kind of hair." I smiled shyly. "How does it look? Did I pick the right one?"

"Oh Maya you look so beautiful!" Riley cried and ran over to touch it. "I love your natural hair, but I like this a lot too! It's so straight!"

"And the jersey?" I asked. Riley stepped back.

"That's Lucas' number." She realized.

"He told me to wear it tonight, just so I wouldn't get cold or anything." I tried to play it down.

"And you wanted to?"

"Well not really I just thought…ok yeah I guess maybe I did." I sighed and looked at her with a bashful smile.

"Well it looks great." Riley smiled a genuine smile. "But let's go or we'll be late!" she cried and gently took my wrist and pulled me to the fire escape. "How you feeling?" she asked as we made our way down the cluster of ladders and stairs.

"Pretty good actually." I replied. "They pulled back a little on the treatments just so it wouldn't kill me, you know that. And so yeah, I've been feeling a lot better."

"Yay!" she was so happy.

"Maya!" Farkle called to me as Riley opened the back door for me.

"Hey Farkle." I smiled and climbed in next to him. Riley took the front seat.

"How you-"

"I'm feeling fine." I finished before Farkle could.

"Hey there, Maya." Cory called from the front seat as he pulled away and started driving towards the school. "You staying the night at your house again tonight?"

"No, I'd rather stay at yours tonight. It'll be late."

"No problem." Cory nodded.

"I can't wait to watch the game!" Riley cried from the front seat.

"You barely understand football." Farkle laughed at her.

"Same as you." She called back to him.

"Ouch." Farkle feigned hurt.

"I'm excited too." I admitted.

"To see Lucas?" Farkle jumped in.

"What? No!" I drew my eyebrows together.

"Oh," Farkle smiled a little, "ok. My mistake."

00000000000000000000000

Lucas' POV:

It was five minutes into the first quarter and I still didn't see any sign of my friends, more specifically Maya. I had scanned the bleachers every chance I could while still keeping my head in the game. Guys were good like that, putting everything else away during game time. So I blocked Maya out while I was out on the field. John Quincy was crushing. We were a strong team this year. Our quarterback had a great arm and our defensive line was massive. We played a good game and we ended up winning 43-13. As soon as the final buzzer sounded and we cheered our victory I took a sweeping glance of the spectators. Where was she? She had to have shown up!

"Lucas! Congrats!" one cheerleader shouted.

"Nice Friar! First game of the season!" my gym teacher clapped me on the back. Crowds of fans started surrounding us. No! I needed to find Maya! I squeezed my way out of the crowds and looked around me, taking full circles to see everything and everyone. She had to be here.

"Hop-a-long!" I heard a familiar voice call. I turned and saw her. Then I did a double-take. She was walking across an empty section of the field, the harsh field lights glaring down on her, her eyes had the black war paint drawn under them. And her hair! It was a different kind of gorgeous from her beachy blonde. It was so straight and sleek. The color was beautiful. And she was wearing the jersey. There was my number right over the front of her body: 26. Riley and Farkle were a ways behind her. "You won!" she smiled when she reached me. I just looked down at her, lost for words. "Well I came." She continued. "Watched the whole thing and didn't even fall asleep." She teased. I still couldn't remember where we were. I could tell she was waiting for me to say something. Instead, she dropped her voice, "does it look ok?"

"Your hair?" I choked out. She nodded softly.

"I like it." I was still trying to find words.

"I mean…do I look pretty?" she looked so hopeful. She looked so small, her big eyes gazing up at me. I didn't know what I could say.

"Maya." I suddenly made up my mind.

"Yeah?" she straightened up, thinking I was moving on from the topic.

"I'm going to kiss you now." And then before she could reply and before I could think twice, I leaned down and kissed her.


	17. Author's Note

Author's Note

 **Thank you so much to everyone who has been leaving reviews and comments. Apparently you all like Cherish a lot. It makes my day when you tell me what you like and even when you request what will happen even though I usually have most of the plot planned. Updates will be a little slower for the next few weeks because of the new school year, a butt load of homework, soccer season starting, and youth group and church and stuff. But I'm not done with the story. So far I've been most dedicated to this story out of them all. So keep following and please leave reviews!**


	18. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

Maya's POV:

He was kissing me. He…..was…kissing….me. LUCAS FRIAR was KISSING ME! What had happened to the earth? I don't even know how many moments passed, I lost track of time in the pounding of my heart. Then reality hit me like a slap to the face. I inhaled sharply and pulled away.

"Stop." I replied. My brain was making these words escaped my lips. My heart was telling me to take my lips and crash them back onto his.

"I'm sorry Maya…I-I didn't…" he stammered.

"Just don't do this." My voice cracked and fell to a whisper. "I can't let you get hurt." And with that I turned and ran. I fled across the field. I passed Riley on the way.

"Maya what-" and I left her in the dust. For the girl with cancer, I could move fast. I burst out of the field limits and onto the sidewalk. I kept jogging until I was a safe distance away from anyone finding me. Then I slowed to a walk and burst into tears. I took jagged shaky breaths and didn't stop walking. I had to convince myself that I had somewhere to go, some purpose. All the city lights were blurring in my teary eyes. My cries turned into sobs.

"Oh honey what's the matter?" a concerned lady in a fancy dress asked as I walked past a conference hall. I didn't answer, just walked past and cried openly. It was impossible to hide now. But the lady didn't pursue me. I was fine with that.

"Miss, would you like me to call someone?" A cab driver asked as he let a couple out to go for a nice pizza dinner.

"No." I croaked and waved him off. But even speaking made me choke up again and I started back into my sobbing rampage. I kept wiping my sweatshirt sleeve across my eyes so I could see where was I going and keep me from walking into traffic. I crossed streets and passed people and meandered around buildings, sniffling the whole time. By the time I reached the art museum I had calmed by crying to a sniffle every few seconds. My eyes were dry and itchy and I tried the front doors. They were still unlocked even though it was late. I let myself in and accepted the warmth gratefully. The glass doors closed softly behind me. Half the lights were out and the halls were empty. My soft footsteps echoed off the marble floors as I made my way to my favorite painting. When I reached it, I let my legs give way and sank to the floor. I laid down and stared at the ceiling. "Why?" I asked into the silence and I burst into tears again. Apparently I hadn't cried myself into dehydration yet. "I finally get him! The one thing I wanted since middle school and I have to leave him! Just cause of cancer!" I spat. "It ruins everything!" I gasped in air as I choked on the salty tears sliding lazily down my throat. "I left him so I couldn't hurt him! So he didn't have to watch me die and cry and scream! And you wanna know why I did that?!" I cried to no one in particular. "Because I love him!" the words echoed back to me, reverberating in my heart and mind. The walls called it back to me, reminding me I had actually said them. I had admitted it. And it hurt. So so badly.

0000000000000000

Lucas' POV:

Maya fled across the field. She disappeared, her auburn hair flying behind her as she blended into the darkness when she left the field.

"Lucas!" Riley cried and came running up to me. "Lucas! What happened?!"

"I kissed her." Riley's eyes widened. "But I didn't know she'd…." I let my voice fade off.

"Come on." Riley grabbed my hand and before I could ask or reply, she yanked me off the field and towards my car.

00000000000000000

Riley's POV:

Lucas pulled up to the museum. It looked like the inside halls were only half lit. It was a stretch to come here to look for Maya. She could've been back at home or went to find her mom or maybe just at a late night diner somewhere. But I knew my best friend. Something told me she was here.

"Wait here." I turned in the seat to look at Lucas as he put the car in park.

"What? Why? If she's in there I need to talk to her." He instantly objected.

"If she's in there," I sighed, "she doesn't want you to talk to her." I watched the hurt look that passed over his face. "Lucas, she's hurting."

"I know." His voice was hard and cold.

"Wait here." I repeated and stepped gingerly out of the car and onto the sidewalk. I shut the door crisply behind me and listened to the clicking sound my boots made on the cement steps up to the doors. I tried the handle. It was still open. A good sign that Maya was here. My boots were echoing off the walls as I made my way through the empty halls. I stopped when I reached her favorite painting. She wasn't there. I was about to turn away, when something caught my eye. I turned back and made my way to the painting. On the floor in front of it was a piece of paper. It was a picture. Her final drawing of the painting. It was perfect. An exact replica. Maya did a great job. At the bottom was a note:

 _Weirdos-_

 _This is for you. Riley, Farkle, The Matthews, and Lucas. I finished it. Please forgive me but I have to do this. I know you wouldn't understand because you all have hope. But recently, I've been lacking hope. I'm tired of fighting and trying when I get nowhere. You all mean too much to me to keep sticking around and hurting you. I'm sick of you seeing me like this. Thanks for the best years of my life._

 _-Maya_

I read the note quickly, then read it again. I panicked feeling seized me. The note sounded so final. So….done. I spun on my heel and raced for the doors. I burst out into the night, raindrops splashing heavily on my hair. I pounded on the car door frantically. Lucas let me in.

"Riley, what's wrong?" he asked as I threw myself into the car and thrust the paper at him.

"Maya! We have to find her!" I cried.

"What's going on?" he started to read the note.

"I think she's trying to kill herself!" I cried. The note fell from his hands and floated down into the backseat. He grabbed the steering wheel with such force the whole care shook. He put the car in drive and his tires screeched as he pulled out into the street, going way above the speed limit.

"Put your seatbelt on." He ordered. I did what he said. "Did you try calling her?" he asked as he turned a sharp corner.

"Her phone is off." I replied as I tried calling and it went straight to voicemail.

"Oh God, Maya." Lucas growled.

"Where are you going?" I asked as he turned another corner.

"Her apartment." He replied. He was so intense. He pulled to a stop in front of her fire escape and jumped out of the car, leaving the door wide open and racing to the ladders. "Call Mr. Matthews and Shawn." He called over his shoulder as he began to climb.

"I'm coming!" I called and began to climb after him.

"Call them first!" he ordered. I stopped on the first landing and called my dad.

"Daddy?" I cried into the phone.

"Riley? Where are you!? Farkle and I have been worried sick!" Cory yelled.

"So have I!" I retorted. "Maya ran away from the game and she left this note….I think she trying to kill…."

"Where are you?" my dad's voice grew steely cold.

"Her apartment. Lucas is going in to check."

"I'll call Shawn. We'll look for her someplace else. Call us if you find her. You're with Lucas?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Stay with him." Dad replied. Then he hung up. I resumed my climbing.

0000000000000

Lucas' POV:

I reached Maya's window. I pushed up on it but it wouldn't budge. Her lights were off and I couldn't see a thing.

"Maya!" I yelled in the loudest voice possible. "Maya, open up right now!" no answer. I was starting to lose it. I cut my finger on the metal window box next to her window. "Shoot." I muttered. What if she was dead? What if she really did kill herself? I would never be able to live with myself, knowing I could have stopped her. No. She couldn't die. There were still so many things I had left to say to her. When I realized that I found a new energy. I groped around in the window box and found a rock. Riley reached the landing.

"Lucas?" she looked at the rock in my hand.

"Get back." I pushed her aside, threw my hand back, then thrust it forward and let the rock fly from my fingers and we both flinched as it hit the window and shattered it to pieces. I didn't stop to think, just dove in head first, catching my legs on jagged glass pieces still attached. I collapsed onto her bedroom floor. It was pitch black. "Careful!" I called to Riley. "Don't cut yourself." I made my way to her door and hit the light on. I looked around. Her bed was unmade, her room messy. She wasn't here. I hung my head. There was no way we were going to find her. But as I lifted my head back up, something down the hall caught my eye. I stopped breathing. I looked out her door and saw a slight light beam coming out from under the closed bathroom door. There was no sound. "Maya?" I called out carefully. No answer.

"I don't want to see." Riley materialized next to me and whispered.

"Me either." I admitted quietly.

"We have to." She started to cry softly. I stepped forward down the hall and my hand came to rest on the knob. I turned it.


	19. Author's Note 2

**Have you all not seen the promo for Girl Meets Texas!? If Riley gets in the way of Maya and Lucas FINALLY becoming a thing, I will kill her! Crossing my fingers and setting the DVR to record all three episodes. Counting down the days!**


	20. Chapter 18

**Sorry guys I know this has been a long time in coming but here it is. Hope it's everything you were expecting.**

Chapter Eighteen

Lucas' POV:

"Maya!" I cried. The petite blonde looked up. She was sitting against the far wall, in the bathtub. Two empty pill bottles lay on the floor in front of the sink. She held another half empty one in her hand.

"Go away." She mumbled. I couldn't breathe. Her eyes were unfocused and her forehead was sweating. Her chest was rising and falling uncontrollably.

"Maya, stop." I ran over to her.

"Get away!" she cried and stood up quickly.

"Maya!" Riley cried from behind me.

"Call your dad right now!" I turned around and yelled at Riley. She was frozen. "I said call him!" She jumped and grabbed her phone from her pocket. I turned back to Maya. "Maya, listen to me. You're just upset."

"Darn right I am." She slurred and stumbled against one of the walls of the shower, hitting her shoulder. She winced. I took a careful step towards her.

"You really think that doing this will help?" I asked gently. She muttered something I couldn't understand. "Just come here." I was getting impatient. I wanted her in my arms, where I knew she was safe.

"Should I call an ambulance?" Riley whimpered.

"Call 911." I nodded.

"Don't you dare." Maya hissed at Riley. "I want to die and I won't let you two stop me." That's when I saw the kitchen knife in her hand. It glinted in the light, sharp and lethal. Riley gasped.

"Riley, get away." I put my hand behind me to motion her out of the room. "Maya, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down!" she cried. "I'm going to end my life right now and nothing you do will change my mind."

"Call 911 now!" I yelled to Riley.

"No! I wanna die! Let me die! I swear, Riley, if you call 911 I'll stab myself right now!" Maya cried. It killed me to see her like this.

"I know that you think this is a good idea," I started.

"Maya?" we heard Cory's frantic voice call into the apartment.

"Dad?" we heard Riley call back. Maya's eyes widened.

"The bathroom! Now!" Riley screamed to her dad and we heard frantic footsteps coming down the hall. Maya shook her head and raised the knife.

"Don't do it." I warned.

"I have to." She whispered. Then she took the knife and drove it down towards her thigh. Adrenaline pumped through my body. Time stopped. I dove across the bathroom and my body slammed Maya into the shower wall. The sickening crunch of her bones against the wall made me feel awful. Was I doing the right thing? We wrestled, me trying to get the knife from her hands. She was strong. She was hyped up on the pills.

"Get back!" Maya screamed. "Give it to me!"

"Let go!" I yelled back.

I heard a scream and then felt a searing pain in my arm. I suddenly felt nauseous. But I looked away too long.

"Gah!" Maya shrieked and I saw her tumble backwards and heard the clang of the knife as it hit the bathroom floor, fell from her grasp. She hit the wall and fell backwards. I dove to try to break her fall. She fell back and hit her head on the tub faucet. She gasped for breath and her eyes began to unfocus.

"Maya!" I yelled and grabbed her, making her sit up. Blood began to soak through her shirt. Her lips were turning blue and I could see the blood backing up in her throat. I hadn't stopped her. This was where it all ended. She had stabbed herself, drugged herself, hated herself. And why couldn't I have stopped her? Why didn't I make a difference? Was I not enough for her? Or maybe it wasn't me. Maybe it was that this world was too harsh, too awful for the rare and beautiful souls like Maya Hart to thrive in. The world killed them off. And I would never forgive the world if it got to Maya before it was too late.

00000000000

Riley's POV:

I looked down at Lucas as he sat in the chair. We were in a curtained section of the hospital down in the minor emergency treatment wing. He was getting his arm stitched up.

"She stabbed you." I managed to croak as the nurses came back with the materials.

"She didn't mean to." He wouldn't look at me.

"Of course she didn't!" I couldn't believe he would need to tell me that. "She wasn't thinking…clearly." I grasped for the right words, tender words so that neither of us would start to cry. Both of us were just hanging on by a thread. Maya had been rushed into surgery the minute she arrived at the hospital. Lucas was sent down to this wing and I had agreed to go with him since they kept denying my participation in Maya's surgery.

"Why couldn't I stop her?" he mumbled and I almost missed what he said.

"Lucas," I took the chair next to him and got down on his level, "it was her decision. You tried your hardest. She's going to be fine."

"Did I?" he looked at me now, his eyes glassy. "Riley I thought that I could get her through anything. Didn't you? That's what we're here for is to protect her. I failed."

"You did not fail!" I cried as the nurses began to stitch up his arm. I tried not to watch. "You found her! You stopped her from taking more pills."

"She's in surgery because of me." He dropped his head down in shame.

"She's alive because of you." I corrected him. My phone rang and I saw that it was from Farkle. I answered it quickly. "Farkle?"

"Riles where are you? Where's Maya? Where's Lucas?" he cried into the phone.

"Maya is in surgery. Lucas is getting his arm stitched." I tried to calm the panic in his voice.

"Arm stitched?!" Farkle cried. "What happened?"

"Lucas saved Maya." I tried to spare the details of how Maya still had come so close to death. Lucas already felt terrible. He didn't need to be reminded. I gave Farkle the details of how to find us, then hung up quickly. The nurses were cleaning off the remaining blood on Lucas' arm.

"Lucas?" I asked him as the ladies rushed off to get him a prescription list.

"Yeah?" he didn't look at me.

"Remember that New Years Day, when Farkle blurted I still liked you?" I grimaced. I couldn't believe I was bringing it up.

"Yes." His voice was low.

"Are you positive now?"

"Positive about what?" he looked up at me, eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

"That Maya is the one you want…." I had to ask him. Had to make sure.

"Don't tell me you still have feelings for…." Lucas wouldn't look at me.

"No, I just…I just had to make sure." I lowered my head.

"I'm sure, Riley. It's Maya. It always was Maya."

"I see." I nodded. It still hurt a little to hear those words. I had thought of he and I together for the majority of my tween years. But it had been officially cleared up. He loved Maya and I knew that Maya loved him. All that was left was for me to move on.


	21. Chapter 19

**Hey guys another chapter for you! Little bit of Riley/Zay in this one. I don't know how many of you are fans. Personally I'm not quite sure who I like Riley best with. The more I watch of Farkle the less I like of him. So either Charlie or Zay are my first choices for Riley. Anyways, here's another chapter for you amazing readers.**

Chapter Nineteen

Lucas' POV:

Nightmares plagued my subconscious. The window smashing, the light underneath the bathroom door, the pain in my arm, the adrenaline. I tossed and turned in the waiting room of the ICU. My mom sat next to me, her small hand resting protectively on my arm. She had come to take me home, but I had insisted on staying. She had gone to the pharmacy and got my pain killer prescription and told me that if I started running a fever (meant infection), or if my arm started to hurt any more, she really would take me home.

"Here." Zay nudged me awake and handed me a cup of coffee. "Drink up."

"Thanks." I nodded my gratitude and accepted the warm drink.

"How's the arm?" he sat down on the other side of me.

"I don't think about it." I hoped he got that hint.

"Your mom's asleep." He dropped the subject and motioned to my mom.

"Yeah. I hate to keep her out like this." I sighed.

"I'm sure she doesn't mind." Riley mumbled sleepily from the other side of Zay. Farkle had gone to get her something to eat and she had begun to doze.

"I thought you were asleep too," Zay turned to Riley.

"Mm." Riley just sighed and turned over in her chair. Zay chuckled and looked back to me.

"Farkle is lucky." The words slipped from Zay's mouth and I saw the surprised look on his face. He immediately began to stammer but I stopped him. Normally, I didn't do well with feelings. But today, everyone's feelings were raw and obvious.

"Riley is pretty great." I silenced him. "She deserves a good guy."

"She has Farkle." Zay nodded.

"She does. But maybe Farkle isn't who she needs in the long run." I let the words hang there as Zay glanced over at the sleeping Riley, making sure she hadn't heard anything we had said. I took the time to look around at all the people waiting for Maya. Shawn, Katy, and Cory were waiting in a section of the surgery unit, closer to Maya for immediate news and updates. Topanga was going back and forth, bringing words of comfort, going for food, and sharing all the news with the others of us not allowed in the back. Riley was still asleep, Farkle had just gotten back with food for Riley and him, and Zay and I were lost in our own thoughts. A few other distant relations and friends had shown up to see either Maya or myself about my arm, but my mom had soon had the desk assistants direct them away, telling them to call, write a message, or go by the house in a day or two.

"Hey." Topanga appeared in the waiting room from the back. We all perked up except Riley who was now in a heavy sleep. The other families in the room continued to sleep or read or pace.

"News?" Farkle asked hopefully.

"She just got out of surgery. They'll be moving her to a room in the ICU in just a moment." Topanga's voice was a mix of hope and stress.

"How did the surgery go?" Zay asked in concern.

"She had good doctors. She's breathing normally and they stopped the bleeding successfully. That's all they'll say."

"When can we see her?" Farkle stood up and kicked at the shiny tiled floor.

"Not quite sure yet. I'll let you know as soon as we can." Topanga nodded and turned to leave, but stopped when she saw me. "You're awfully quiet." She turned back to face me.

"I have nothing to say right now."

"Lucas," she sighed and came to stand next to me, "you can't feel bad about this."

"Why can't I?"

"You saved her, not hurt her. You have to stop beating yourself up over this. She's alive. She wasn't expecting you to do anything on her behalf. I know that she'll be so grateful."

"Will she?" I choked. "Because I can't decide. She deserves to live. I want her to live. But she didn't. What if she wakes up and hates me forever for saving her. But then I think, no, I did the right thing. I saved her like I should. But what if it had been better if I had just let her go. Save her the pain of the cancer and save her the pain of an awful life. I can't provide for her what she needs. So maybe if she had just gone, she'd be happier. Maybe me saving her was selfish."

"Lucas…." Zay's voice was tight and I knew all my friends' eyes were on me. Topanga continued to stare at me for a few more moments. Then instead of some sort of pep talk like her husband would give, she took a deep breath, patted my good arm, then turned and went back into the ICU.

000000000000000000

Katy's POV:

I walked with Maya as she was transferred to a room. Her limp body lay on the cot, lifeless and pale. The cot rolled along side me, pushed by a team of nurses who carried also Maya's IV's and other necessities. Shawn and Cory followed behind me at a distance. I held Maya's hand gently as we continued down the halls.

"The anesthesia should wear off in about three hours." One of the nurses lightly touched my shoulder. "After that she should begin to wake up. And as it wears off even more she'll begin to talk and think more clearly."

"Thank you." I managed to stutter and slowed down as they steered the cot into a small room. Shawn came up behind me and squeezed my shoulders. A sudden wave of gratefulness came over me. I was so glad I hadn't gone to Vegas to accept the acting job. I needed to be here with my daughter. I needed to be here instead of leave like her father did. Plus, I needed Shawn.

"Ok." A nurse sighed and walked over to me. "I'm Pamela and I'll be your regular." She shook my hand.

"All settled in." Another nurse called from behind Pamela and I watched as they began to hook Maya's pain drugs and such up to the final machines.

"Thank you." I mumbled to Pamela.

"Buzz if you need anything." Pamela pointed to the remote-like box by Maya's bed. "Buzz if she wakes up."

"I will." I nodded and Cory came up behind Shawn and I.

"Thank you." Cory nodded.

"Of course." Pamela excused herself and the other nurses solemnly followed her out of the room.

"So what now?" I asked helplessly as I took an unsure step into the room and towards Maya's bed.

"Now we wait." Cory sighed quietly.

000000000000000

Riley's POV:

I sat up and looked around. Lucas was asleep in his chair. His mom's chair was empty and I assumed she had gone to get a drink or something to eat. Farkle was asleep as well. I got up and went to the two huge windows looking down over the city. The ICU was on the sixth floor and it gave a good view of the city and all the lights. It was dark out, making me think it was probably sometime early in the morning.

"Like a whole 'nother world at night." Zay appeared beside me. I just nodded and continued to stare out the windows. "You ok?" I saw him looking at me.

"Should I be?" I sighed and looked over at him. "I'm scared to death, Zay. Maya is my best friend. I should have been more supportive. I should have done more for her. I should have never left her side."

"Stop thinking about what you should have done. Focus on what you do now. It's better for your health." I chuckled lightly at his last sentence. "Seriously." He turned and looked out at the lights. "We don't want you winding up in the hospital either."

"How's Lucas?" I asked quietly.

"Not so good." Zay grimaced. "He's so regretful. He's terrified that he ruined things for Maya. He thinks he did the wrong thing."

"What?!" I cried. "He thinks he did the wrong thing by saving her!? How is that the wrong thing? She would be dead if he hadn't done something? And he thinks he should've just stood by and let her kill herself?" Zay looked around and saw that my yelling was drawing attention.

"Calm down. You're making a scene." He hushed me. I didn't like to be hushed but these terms were different than under normal circumstances. I knew he was trying not to have others hear our private issues. "Lucas doesn't know what to think. Just a few hours ago, Maya was right in front of him telling him she wanted to die. Now that hit home for him. You know his older brother wanted to commit suicide." I sucked in my breath.

"Zay, I don't think we should talk about this." I whispered.

"But it's true." Zay continued. "Lucas wants to be there for the people he loves. And hearing Maya say she wants to die, means to him that he wasn't enough for her. Enough to make her stay."

"But she wasn't thinking clearly at all." I argued.

"I agree," Zay held up his hands in exasperation, "but Lucas doesn't see it like that. I don't think any matter of convincing will do him any good. I think he needs to hear it straight from Maya. I think he needs to hear her say that she wants to live and she's happy she's alive and that he's enough for her."

"But he shouldn't need that!" I cried. "He should trust her."

"I think that you're afraid that she won't say that."

"Of course she will!"

"Will she?"

"Maya will be so grateful to Lucas!" I replied indignantly.

"Or will she still wish she was dead?"

"Zay, maybe I'm scared of the same thing Lucas is. What if Maya wakes up and I'm there for her and she still wants to die. What if she gets out of the hospital and she still wants to die. I'm terrified that I can't stop her again. I'm scared of how she'll feel. I don't trust her to make the right decision anymore. But then I feel guilty." I began to sob. "Because I should t-t-trust my friend." I collapsed into Zay's open arms and let tear after tear fall onto his plaid shirt and leave a wet reminder that sometimes Farkle couldn't be there for me. Sometimes it was someone else. I was happy it was Zay tonight.


	22. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Maya's POV:

Lots of people say they have some sort of revelation when they encounter near death experiences. Some accept Jesus and some decide to completely turn their lives around. Others say they had visions or heard voices. Speaking from a personal experience, I don't believe a word of any of that. Because when I woke up in the ICU, just out of surgery, I remembered nothing. I didn't even know who I was. No way would I have ever been able to have "visions". I felt like I had just had enough drugs to get a whole continent high. And now I was on detox.

"Maya, baby girl, are you awake?" I felt my few, thin hair locks being pushed out of my face, smoothed back over my forehead. My vision was blurry. Where the heck was I?

"Is she awake?" I heard another voice ask.

"I think so." I heard a buzzing noise and I brought my hands up to my eyes to rub the sleepiness out of them. Unfortunately the rubbing didn't help.

"She awake?" another person leaned over me and I felt them messing with something on the other side of the bed I was laying on. "Maya, can you hear me? Answer right now if you can."

"Yeah. I can hear you." I responded groggily. My voice sounded so foreign to me. It was scratchy and my throat was raw. "Water?" I asked helplessly.

"We'll bring you some." I blinked rapidly trying to bring the voice a face. "Her body is still trying to process the anesthesia. Waking up is always hard."

"Where am I?" I mumbled.

"Honey, you just got out of surgery. Try to lay still ok?" I began to recognize the voice. I just couldn't put a face with it. Who was it?

"Surgery for what?" I felt so out of the loop here.

"Here." I felt someone guide my hand around a small paper cup. "Water." They told me and they helped me get it to my lips and sip it in moderation.

"Is that better?" Mom! It was Mom! Why had I forgotten what she sounded like?

"Mom?" I asked for clarification.

"Yes, honey?"

"I didn't know it was you." I mumbled.

"I told you the drugs were intense." Someone was talking to my mom.

"You were right." I heard her reply. My vision was slowly beginning to clear. I could make out a room with a big window on my left side. The blinds were drawn but I could see daylight making its way through the cracks. The people in the room slowly started to take form. My mom was by my bed on my right side. She was holding my hand. I could tell it was her because of her blonde hair. I saw two other forms sitting farther off in the room. And I could make out a lady standing at the foot of my bed messing with some wires connecting to the footboard.

"I'm tired." I suddenly felt like weights were attached to my eyelids.

"Go back to sleep, baby." I heard my mom coax.

"Will you stay here?" I wondered.

"Of course. I won't leave." She promised. I began to let my mind drift again. Then my mouth was moving and I wasn't even controlling it. I let myself mumble something that I didn't hear.

"What about Lucas?" I asked. My mom's hand stiffened.

"What about him?" she asked. Her voice was fading.

"What about who?" I couldn't remember what I had just asked.

"You just asked about-"

"Lucas." I remembered. "How is he?"

"Well his arm-"

"I need to get to the football game. I think I've decided to wear his jersey. Mr. Matthews is coming to get me soon. Don't worry. I won't be out late."

00000000000000000

Katy's POV:

For some reason I found tears quietly sliding down my cheeks.

"Don't worry. I won't be out late." Maya mumbled to me. I could tell she wasn't thinking clearly.

"I won't worry." I squeezed her hand. I saw her breathing begin to become more rhythmic. She was remembering last night. It was a slightly eerie feeling.

0000000000000000000

Zay's POV:

By the time the sky began to light up, Riley was asleep in the chair next to me. Her head was resting lightly on my shoulder. Normally I would not know what to do with this. But today was different. I needed her as much as she needed me. I dozed on and off but every time I woke up, she was asleep. Good. She needed rest. She had had a rough night.

"Awake?" my eyes snapped open. Lucas was talking to Topanga.

"Yes," Topanga replied, "she woke up fifteen minutes ago."

"Is she ok?" Lucas was standing now, hands crammed down into his pockets.

"Katy says she talked for a few minutes before falling back asleep. The drugs are really hard on her. She still has anesthesia in her system from surgery and she's on pain killers and the next time she wakes up is gonna be a lot worse. Once those drugs wear off, she's gonna feel what they did to her. A stomach pumping is not a comfortable thing."

"So they did have to pump her stomach?" Lucas winced.

"It was the only way to get the pills out of her system before it reached her blood stream." Topanga replied solemnly.

"But some still did reach her blood stream." Lucas guessed. Topanga only looked down. Lucas began to run his hands through his hair, his face distraught.

"So the pills could reach her kidneys and liver and damage an already weak body."

"Lucas, we can't think about that. She's a strong girl."

"Did they say anything about the cancer?" he asked persistently.

"Not yet. They'll start running tests when she's strong."

"And they have her side stitched up?"

"Her side will heal nicely."

"Did the knife get anything?"

"Only punctured a small part of the spleen. They see it all the time. It won't be a problem. They have it all fixed up. The only problem lies in the risk of infection. And because of the cancer and her weak immune system she is very susceptible to infection."

"Thanks." Lucas replied, his voice strained. I knew what was coming. Topanga didn't seem to. She nodded and turned to go back to see Cory. Lucas however did not sit back down. Instead he turned and stocked out of the waiting room. I didn't want to leave Riley, but I knew that Lucas would need me. He was my friend and he was really hurting.

"Lucas!" I called down the stairwell that I had seen him disappear into.

"What?" he asked when I caught up to him. His eyes were flaming and I thought lasers might shoot out of them. He was livid.

"She has a chance." It was the only thing I could think to say.

"Another chance for us to watch her die!" he exploded. "I should've listened to her. I should've let her do what she wanted!"

"You don't mean that." I reminded him. "You know you don't."

"She doesn't deserve this pain!"

"Of course she doesn't. But she also doesn't deserve to die."

"Well that's what's comin for her!" he yelled and before either of us could think, he turned and put his fist through the nearest wall.

0000000000000000

Riley's POV:

I woke up to my phone ringing. I sat up and rubbed at my eyes. It was day now. Farkle was asleep next to me. Lucas and Zay were nowhere. Lucas' mom was still asleep across the room. What if Maya had woken up and they had all gone to see her without me?! Panic seized me. Then I remembered my phone.

"Hello?" I answered quickly.

"Riley, it's Zay." I heard Zay speaking.

"Where are you?!" I cried.

"Urgent care unit." I heard him suck in a hard breath.

"Why?" I was seriously confused. "You're not with Maya?"

"No, they're still not accepting visitors yet." He replied.

"Oh. I thought you had all gone without me." I sighed in relief.

"Sorry we left you. But yeah."

"Wait, did you say urgent care? Zay, what happened?!" a new panic seized me.

"Lucas kind of punched a wall." He replied quietly.

"What?!" I began to scoop up my purse and coat.

"And reopened his stitches." Zay added.

"He punched the wall with his right hand!?" I cried. "How stupid can he be?!"

"Riley, calm down. He's fine. He's in a little pain but nothing big. We're almost done."

"Don't tell me to calm down. I'm meeting you down there right now."

"Oh and Riley?" Zay asked as I began to make my way to the elevators.

"Yeah?"

"Good morning."


	23. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

Maya's POV:

The next time I woke up, yeah I thought the first time was hell, nope. I began to stir and immediately like ten things in my body began to ache. What had I been doing? Had I gone cliff diving recently? I couldn't remember.

"Mom?" I called, hoping she was there.

"Maya?" a voice replied. It wasn't my mom's.

"Where's my mom?" were my eyes still closed, or was the room just dark.

"She's right here, she's just asleep."

"Who is this?"

"It's Mr. Matthews." He replied and I felt him sit down on the edge of my bed and place a rough hand on my arm.

"Why is it so dark?" I rasped.

"Your eyelids are taped closed." He answered and I thought I heard him snickering.

"Is this like a joke or something?" I wanted to reach up and touch my eyes but I couldn't muster the energy.

"No joke." He calmed down and began to get serious. "If you opened your eyes now your brain might explode, meaning you'd have the most giant headache in the world. The drugs are wearing off."

"What drugs?" I was beginning to feel around the blankets on my bed.

"The ones you were on when you were in surgery."

"So I really had surgery?"

"Yep. You really did."

"What for?" I asked. Before he could answer, a nurse rushed in and began to check my vitals.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"Achy?" I replied. "Everything feels like a toothache."

"It's just the anesthesia wearing off." She explained.

"Well could you give me more of it? I liked it better when I just slept all the time." I heard the nurse giggle. "Or at least take this tape of my eyes."

"It would hurt a lot." She warned.

"I want to see stuff." I persisted. She didn't reply but soon I felt the tape being removed. I kept my eyes closed for a few more moments, then cracked them open. Instantly it felt like I was under a ten billion watt bulb and it was shining right in my eyes. My head reeled and I was so thankful I was laying down. I clamped my eyes tightly shut again and tried not to pass out. "Any pain killers?" I gasped.

"Just be still, Maya, they're doing the best they can." I heard Mr. Matthews saying. Suddenly I was mad. Exasperated. I wanted to get up and move.

"Would someone just tell me what the heck is going on?!" I cried to nothing. I couldn't look at anyone. "What about surgery and drugs are we talking about? Why am I in the hospital? I would appreciate some details!"

"Maya, calm down. It's not good for you to get worked up." Mr. Matthews was still sitting on the bed and I felt him talking. It was vibrating the sheets.

"Just tell me why I'm in here." I heard him sigh.

"Maya, after the football game last night, you attempted suicide." My body contracted so much, I thought it might burst into dust. I racked my brain to remember what had happened. Suicide? I thought hard. I remembered screaming. Riley screaming. She had a phone in her hand. I was threatening her. Lucas was there too. What was he doing there? I remembered the tile of the bathroom floor. Red on the bathroom floor. My…blood? I remember getting the kitchen knife out of the drawer in the kitchen. It wasn't just to cut up a snack. It was for me. And suddenly I felt sick.

"I think, I think…." I stuttered and reached up to grasp for Mr. Matthews, get his attention. "I think I'm gonna-" a plastic tray was shoved under my face just as I got sick. Someone rubbed my back. I still couldn't see a thing, I just felt myself heaving. Except it was dry heaving. I hadn't eaten anything in hours. Only that water. Someone wiped my mouth and laid me back down on the bed. They flattened the bed so I was flat on my back.

"You ok?" I heard a different voice. It was my mom's.

"Suicide." I mumbled. There was silence.

"But you're ok now." She comforted.

"Wait…do I still have…" I suddenly wished I had died. Because then I remembered the cancer. I felt two tears fall on my arm. My mom was crying.

"Go back to sleep, hon. The doctor put a new IV in. You'll sleep for a while." Mr. Matthews stepped in.

"Another drug?" I couldn't believe it.

"Just relax." His voice began to fade.

000000000000000000000

Riley's POV:

When Lucas, Zay and I got back up to the waiting room, Lucas' mom immediately began to fuss over him. This time, Lucas couldn't win. His mom was dragging him home whether he liked it or not. She packed up her purse and other belongings and dragged Lucas out of the room. Lucas made Zay and I promise to call if Maya woke up and told us he'd be back as soon as his mom would let him. We nodded our understanding and told him we'd be in touch. Then he left. Farkle had woken up when Lucas' mom had started to fuss and had listened with interest to the story about Lucas punching the wall. After Lucas left, I went over to sit with Farkle and Zay told us he'd bring us breakfast. It was already eleven in the morning, but we still hadn't eaten the first meal of the day.

"Sorry I slept so long." Farkle apologized after Zay left.

"It's ok." I shrugged it off. "You needed to rest too."

"Have you been crying?" he looked at my red, puffy eyes.

"Who hasn't." I cringed at my lame excuse. Farkle opened his mouth to say something but before he could, my mom stepped into the room.

"Riley."

"Is she awake?" I stood up quickly and so did Farkle.

"She was. She stayed awake longer this time. She's speaking. They'll be moving her to her own room in about a day now."

"Can we see her?" I asked hopefully.

"I'll go check with the nurses again. I don't think so. But maybe if she's sleeping it will be ok. She's on a new round of drugs again. Apparently she got sick when she woke up the second time."

"Is she ok now?" Farkle asked in concern.

"She's asleep which is the best thing I can think she could be doing." My mom replied. "I'll go check. Wait here." She disappeared back to Maya's room.

"We should call Lucas." Farkle reminded me.

"Right." I remembered. I quickly dialed his number and waited for him to answer. He answered on the second ring.

"Hello? Riley? Is she awake?"

"She was. She's asleep again. My mom is checking if we can see her yet." I answered quickly.

"I need to be there." He muttered under his breath. I could tell he was frustrated his mom had dragged him away.

"Have you gotten any rest?" I asked hopefully.

"What do you think?" his voice was tight.

"What are you going to say to her once she is awake?" I asked quietly. I heard him take a deep breath.

"What can I say? Sorry I kissed you? Sorry I stopped you from killing yourself?" he growled in frustration. "It ruined everything."

"Please tell me you won't say any of that."

"I don't know what I'll say." He sighed.

"Maybe just being there will be enough to calm her." I suggested.

"Or maybe me just being there will ruin everything."

"You don't mean that."

"Maybe I do." I could hear him moving around. "Riley I made a decision when I got home." He sounded so serious….so final.

"Which was….."

"I'm going back to Texas for the holidays. Thanksgiving isn't too far away and then Christmas will come. I won't miss much school. My mom wants me to take a break."

"A break from what? Us?!" I was starting to get angry. He was like a little kid, running from his problems, and Maya. He never left us! He was our moral compass! "You can't be serious!"

"I am. Dead serious if you'll excuse the expression. I think it would be best for Maya if I wasn't around while she recovered."

"Are you insane?! That is not what's best for her! She needs you!"

"Riley, chill. It's just for a few months. I'll be back for the new year. I think Maya needs a break from me."

"Really? Funny. Well _I_ think that you are feeling regretful and don't know how to deal with it, so you're running away." I replied haughtily.

"You couldn't be more wrong."

"I'm so sure." I scoffed. "So what am I going to tell Maya when she wakes up? She's going to ask for you first thing! Should I tell her you ran off?"

"No!" Lucas was frustrated now.

"But that's the truth! That's what you're doing! You're running off!"

"I'm doing what's best for everyone!"

"And since when is it your job to decide what's best for Maya. At least right now you're doing a lousy job!" I screamed at the phone. "You're leaving when the going gets tough! Just like her dad! You can't stand the fact that you might have to watch her die! That you can't do anything about it! So you're solution is to run! To hide and try to forget!"

"That's not it!" he yelled.

"It so is! And what? So you're gone for a few months. That's a long time. You know she could die in December. Or even tomorrow. What then? Would you even go to the funeral? Would you even come back to New York?!"

"Stop! Stop saying stuff like that!"

"I always trust you, Lucas! So stop flaking out on us! Maya needs you! Maya loves you!"

"No she doesn't. Leave her out of this. And stop speaking for her."

"I know what she would say."

"No you don't. No one knows what she's thinking anymore."

"You are so selfish and shallow!"

"I am?! Then why did she tell me about her dad smoking and not you?"

"That has nothing to do with this! You know if you leave now, she'll never forgive you."

"If it's what's best for her, I can live with that." His voice was steely cold.

"Well, then I guess there's nothing else to say, is there." I choked out.

"I guess not." He huffed.

"Happy holidays, Lucas. Have a nice time in Texas." I hissed.

"Could you put Farkle on?" he asked, ignoring my comment.

"No. Just go."

"Don't be mad at me, Riley."

"You have given me no reason to be happy with you, that's for sure."

"Believe me, it's for the best." He sighed.

"I wish I could believe you."

"Well, my flight leaves tomorrow. I guess I better start packing."

"You do that." My words sliced at the phone like daggers.

"Let me talk to him." Farkle nudged my arm. I turned to him with tears in my eyes and handed the phone over. "Lucas?" Farkle spoke into the phone.

"Don't even try, Farkle." Lucas shut Farkle down. "I'm not staying."

"Do you want me to call you when Maya wakes up? Will you want to talk to her?" Farkle asked quietly.

"No." Lucas replied slowly. "No. I don't want to hear about it. I'll call you when I get back home."

"You are at home." Farkle sighed. "Home is where the people you love is. Lucas, you love Maya. Don't leave her. Not now. Not when she needs you so much."

"Goodbye, Farkle. I'll call you later." Lucas hung up and the line went dead.


	24. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

Maya's POV:

My head was killing me. Was I awake? I couldn't tell. My eyelids must still be taped shut. Part of me was grateful and part of me was livid. Why couldn't I just get up and go get some fresh air? I faintly heard the sound of pairs of feet brushing on the floor.

"How is she?" someone asked. So I was partially awake. Was that Riley? No one told me she was here! Suddenly I felt like I hadn't seen her in years. I felt like I might never see her again. I began to panic.

"Riles?!" I called.

"Maya?" my mom's voice sounded surprised and I felt someone's hand on my arm.

"Is that Riley?" I asked with urgency.

"I'm here." Riley was next to me in a second. She was running her hands over my forehead and holding my hand. "I'm here."

"I thought I'd never see you again." I mumbled quietly.

"I'm so glad you're not dead." She choked out.

"Me too." I suddenly decided. "Me too."

"Why are her eyes taped shut?" I heard her ask.

"Killer headache." I thought that explained it. But soon the nurse was rattling off some long explanation about anesthesia and lack of oxygen and surgery. I tuned her out and just squeezed Riley's hand harder. "Mom?"

"Yes babygirl?" she piped up.

"Do you think you could give Riley and I moment alone?" I asked hopefully. My answer was silence. I could tell no one wanted to leave. "Just a few minutes. Please."

"Fine. But just a few. And I'll be right outside the door. And Riley, you buzz right away if anything goes wrong."

"I will she promised." As I heard my mom walking out.

"Who all was here?" I asked Riley after a moment.

"My dad, Shawn, and your mom."

"Where is everyone else?" I asked carefully.

"They would only let me in." she replied gently. We sat quietly for a few moments. Then I heard her crying.

"Riles?"

"Maya," she whimpered, "you have no idea how relieved I am. I thought I had lost you forever. I could not stand a world that you weren't in." she was sobbing and her sobs racked the bed. I felt so terrible for doing this to her.

"Riles, I'm so sorry." I was focusing really hard. Trying to stay awake. "It was so selfish for me to put all of you through this."

"Maya, we don't blame you."

"You should." I rasped. I felt years older. And not in a good way. "Riles, I threatened you. You watched me stab myself. I put you through hell. Why are you still here?" tears were backing up behind my closed eyelids. It was burning.

"I'm still here because I care about you. So much. You know why I'm still here." She replied simply.

"I need this tape off." I decided.

"Are you sure?" she asked cautiously.

"Tears." I just said. Soon I felt the tape being peeled back and I slowly let my eyelids crack open. Everything was blurry but the burning sensation ebbed as the tears ran out and down my cheeks. My head felt like it was being pounded with a hammer, but I had to get used to this or I'd walk around with eyelids taped shut for the rest of my life.

"You're in pain." Riley realized.

"It's ok." I sniffled. "Riles? You know what I have to know." I felt her stiffen immediately. That wasn't a good sign. "Where's Lucas? I need to apologize. If that can even begin to make up for this."

"Maya, I think you should try to go back to sleep."

"What? Why? Just a minute ago you were rejoicing that I was awake. Riles, we have to talk about everything. I don't even know what day it is!" I was getting worked up.

"It's November ninth." She replied meekly. The ninth. I had only been in the hospital for a day and a half. It felt like years.

"Where's Lucas?" I asked again.

"He's around somewhere." Her voice was forced.

"Don't lie to me." I began to get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. "You're not telling me something."

"Maya, right now is not a good time to talk about this."

"Talk about what?! I'm not dumb, Riley! I want to know where he is, right now!"

"He left." She blurted.

"Well you could've said that." My heart stopped racing. "I didn't expect him to stay here. He needs sleep and good food. I didn't even think he'd come here. So he's at home. So what." I waited. Riley didn't reply. My heart began to race again. Something really wasn't right. "Riley, he is at home, isn't he?"

"No." she was crying again.

"Then where is he?" I asked, my teeth clenched. She was being so frustrating.

"I mean he left. Like left New York."

"I don't think I heard you right." I prodded at her arm. I could still barely see her but my hand found her arm and I kept poking at her. "You don't me left New York?"

"Yes that's what I mean, Maya. He went back to Texas." I suddenly couldn't breathe. He left. He left. HE LEFT ME! Just like my FATHER! He went back to Texas! He deserted me!

"Riley." I growled slowly.

"Maya, I don't-"

"Get out."

"Maya, what are you-"

"I said get out." My head was spinning. "I need some time." I was gasping. I felt her squeeze my hand harder. Then I felt her slowly get up and watched her blurry form move towards the door.

"I'll be back soon, ok?" she called gently.

"Fine." She disappeared out into the hall. I let my head slam back against the bed. Then I heard feet shuffling quickly back into the room.

00000000000000000

Riley's POV:

I watched as Katy, Shawn, and my dad all raced back into the room when they had seen the look on my face. I heard Shawn say something and then I heard something that I will never forget. Even when I am dead, this sound will play over and over. It still haunts me. It was one of the most awful, heart-wrenching things I ever heard in my life.

"HE LEFT ME!" I heard her scream at Shawn and then I heard long, soulful wails coming from the room. Nurses stopped in the hall and everyone looked at the door and at me. I couldn't take it. I backed up against the wall and slid to the floor and sobbed into the sleeve of my shirt. Every sob made me feel like it would pull my stomach up with it. I don't know how long I sat there, but eventually Farkle and Zay were beside me. Maya had stopped screaming. It was dark again. They led me back out into the waiting room, but we didn't stop there. We continued to the elevators. I was still sobbing as they led me out into the night and towards Zay's car. They put me in the front seat and buckled me in.

"Take her home." I heard Farkle say and Zay climbed into the driver's seat. The car started and I felt it pulling out of the parking lot. I was still crying. Zay didn't say a word as he navigated the way to my house. As we pulled up in front of the apartments and Zay stopped the car, I tried to pull myself together. I took deep, hiccupping breaths to try and control myself. Zay helped me out of the car without a word and led me through the building to my door.

"Do you have the key?" he asked gently. I couldn't remember what a key was. Eventually he just took my purse from me and found the key in the front pocket and let me inside. We stepped into the living room and switched on the lights. The living room was just the way I had left it before the football game. Zay set my purse on the couch and shut the door behind us. "You need to go to bed."

"I need a shower, actually." My mind was beginning to clear. Being home was helping me a bit.

"Ok, a shower then. Where's Auggie staying right now?" Zay suddenly asked.

"He's staying with Uncle Eric." I replied absently.

"Ok, well you go take a shower and I'll make you something warm to eat." He offered.

"You don't cook."

"I will try my best tonight." He replied kindly. I didn't have the energy to protest. Normally I only liked Farkle to do these things for me, but tonight was different. I didn't have the energy to care. I nodded weakly and turned to head up to my room. "Riley?" he called and I stopped and looked back at him. "You're gonna be…ok right?" I could see the fear in his eyes. Classic boy. He thought I was gonna do something drastic just because I had sobbed for two hours.

"I'll be fine." I gave him a dry smile and wiped frantically at my eyes. "Rough days do this to me."

000000000000000000

Shawn's POV:

It killed me to see Maya like this. As soon as I walked into the room and saw the look on her face, I knew something was terribly wrong.

"Maya, what's wrong?"

"HE LEFT ME!" she began to scream, then long, mournful wails followed. I jumped onto the bed and wrapped my arms around her tightly. I didn't know if I was supposed to do this or not, both for her health and as a not-technical dad, but I did anyways. It was the only way that made me feel I was helping. She never specified who 'he' was but I could only assume it was Lucas by the way she continued to sob for hour after hour and she never had me leave. After about three hours, she began to drift off, exhausted.

"She'll be fine." A nurse was checking her vitals. "I mean, that probably set her recovery back a few days, but no lasting damage." She frowned. "Just don't try a stunt like that again."

"It won't happen." I reassured her.

"Good." She nodded and left briskly. Maya's steady breathing was a comforting sound. Katy was sitting on the couch, looking forlornly out the window. Cory was sitting in the chair by the door. We were all quiet.

"Cory?" I asked suddenly.

"Yeah?" he sounded so old.

"I didn't think Lucas was the type to leave."

"Neither did I." He replied and heaved a sigh. "Neither did I."

"I didn't think Kermit was the type to leave either," Katy suddenly spoke up, "but nothing stopped him."

"Lucas is not Kermit." Cory sounded very sure. "I've known that boy for years. I don't know what went through his head in the past few hours. But I do know that in the end he will make the right decision. He's a special person. And so is Maya. I know he'll be back in time."

"We don't have that time." Katy was rattled. "Maya needs him now. By the time he realizes that, it may be too late."

"Did she ever tell him she needed him?" Cory asked.

"What kind of question is that?" Katy cried.

"A good one." I saw where Cory was going with this. "I think I see what Cory is getting at, Katy. Lucas thinks that because Maya has been pushing him away and tried to end her life, that she doesn't want him around, that's he's not what she wants or needs."

"But we all know that's not true!" Katy cried. "Maya adores that boy!"

"We know." Cory replied and got up and came to stand over Maya and I. He looked down at her. "I just wish she had been brave enough to tell him that before all of this happened."


	25. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

Riley's POV:

November 12, Maya was moved to her own room in the recovery wing of the hospital. Part of me was happy. This meant that I could stay with Maya all the time now, when Dad wasn't making me go to school. But part of me hated this. This also meant that soon, Maya could go home. And none of us had any idea of where to pick up. Or begin again. Or anything.

"All this pink is making my head hurt." Maya grumbled as she looked at the thousands of balloons, flowers, and cards packed into her room.

"Well there's nowhere else to put them." I giggled, so happy that Maya was finally sitting up, with open, clear eyes and engaging in conversation. The past few days had been hard. She wouldn't talk after first hearing the news that Lucas had left. Then, when she would talk, she was brief, crisp, and detached. But she was beginning to open back up to us again. "Want me to rearrange them again?" I asked.

"Mm, let's do something else."

"Like what?" I turned around and saw her lifting up her hospital gown for probably the twentieth time today to look at the huge line of stitches running up the left side of her body. "Don't touch it." I reminded her.

"I know." She pushed her gown back down over her stomach and looked up at me.

"Does it hurt?" I walked over to buzz for the nurse, but she stopped me.

"No no. I guess I'm just getting used to it. It'll leave a nasty scar."

"No more bikinis I guess." I joked.

"But it might be kind of fun to show off." Maya rethought the situation. "Kinda like battle scars."

"Kind of." I giggled again and sat down on the bed next to Maya, making sure not to snag any of her IV's on my boots. She was still hooked up to all kinds of things. It was slightly scary, but I was getting used to it.

"What have I been missing at school?" Maya sighed.

"Not much. I mean, nothing big. Everything has been normal. Well, as normal as it can get without you there." I squeezed her hand gently, then turned my phone on and checked my texts. I saw a new one from Farkle. It read: _Lucas texted me today._

"What's that?" Maya was looking over my arm.

"Nothing." I tried to put the phone away. But Maya wouldn't let it go.

"Riles, I'm in the hospital. Do not lie to me."

"I wasn't." I replied innocently, but my voice cracked and my throat suddenly felt dry. I was a terrible liar.

"Was that a text from Farkle? What's he say?"

"Nothing important."

"So it went from nothing at all, to nothing important. So I'm willing to guess that it actually is important." Maya huffed. "Tell me."

"Lucas texted Farkle today." I blurted just as Maya ripped the phone from my fingers. Maya froze.

"Oh." Her gaze drifted to the window. "So soon?"

"Soon? Maya, it's been five days since he left!"

"I didn't expect him to stay in contact." She scoffed quietly. "Oh, well I guess I did. I just knew he wouldn't contact me. So I can't say I'm surprised."

"Maya." I put a comforting arm on her shoulder, but she shook it off.

"I don't need a pity party. I don't need him." Total lie! She totally needed him and she knew it too! She was in denial. Oh well. I'd let her be for now. Whatever it took for her to recover. But once she was strong (in theory) she'd have to face the facts. She did need Lucas and Lucas needed her. I just hoped Lucas would face the facts soon as well before it was too late for either of them.

0000000000000000000

Infection. I knew it was bound to happen. It was up to Maya's spleen to prevent infection and that's exactly what she stabbed. Her spleen. So I was completely upset, but not very shocked when she was being fussed over again. I took the opportunity to catch up on school work when the nurses wouldn't let me be with her. By the time she had recovered from the infection, it was already November seventeenth. But she was doing very well and there was talk of her being released in time to prepare for a great Thanksgiving.

And sure enough, on November twenty-second she was released from the hospital in a wheelchair, a huge bag of prescriptions, four boxes of cards, five teddy-bears, and an army of balloons and flowers. As soon as we rolled her out into the fresh air, she asked for one of the balloons. I handed her one of the only non-pink ones and she took it.

"I'm so happy to be out. I'm free. So I set this guy free too." She let go and we all watched it float into the expanse of clear blue. She breathed a sigh and I saw her breath in the wind.

"It's cold." I reminded my parents and we hurried Maya home. Katy was over at our house every day after work now. She'd spend dinner and late evenings with us, then head home to sleep. Maya stayed with us now, a permanent bed in my room for her. Our apartment was closer to the hospital and we could be home more to take care of her. By the time I was out of school for Thanksgiving, Maya was doing tons better. She could get up and walk around without her side hurting and the doctor said that if her stitches stayed in a nice line, that meant she was doing a great job of not stretching them. She kept them in a perfect line.

"I want to help cook." Maya pleaded on the day before Thanksgiving.

"Maya, don't be silly." Mom shook her head. "We're not even having that many people over. I don't need any help."

"I'm not offering because I think you need help, Mrs. Matthews." Maya wobbled off the couch and into the kitchen. "I'm offering because I want to cook." So I helped Maya and mom in the kitchen all Wednesday, helping Maya hold different bowls. It was so nice to see her smiling again. Of course she was nowhere near as happy as she had been when Lucas was around, but at least she was walking around and not getting another infection. But I guess I spoke too soon. Because on Thanksgiving Day she woke up and couldn't breathe. We rushed her to the ER. Mom had to get back home before the diagnosis came out because she had to get everything ready for the family we had already invited. So dad and I stayed at the hospital and waited for the news. I called Farkle and Zay to tell them what was going on, but told them not to come, that I'd tell them what happened and that they should be with their families on Thanksgiving.

"Her lungs were full of fluid." The doctor explained when we finally were led to Maya's room, thankfully not in the ICU this time. "I need to speak to you alone, Mr. Matthews." The doctor requested and left me to hold a sleeping Maya's hand as the sun began to go down. I could make out bits and pieces of the conversation coming from the hall.

"Cancer worse than we thought. We need to get her right back into chemotherapy before it's too late."

"She's not strong enough yet. She's still recovering from infection." My dad begged for Maya to stay out of chemo.

"It's not possible. If we leave her be, the cancer will continue to grow. She'll die of suffocation before the cancer actually kills her organs or affects her bones." I clutched Maya's hand tightly as I heard this. She was so much closer to death than I had thought. Oh Lucas, we need you! Where are you when Maya needs you!? She's dying and you left her! She doesn't deserve this!

0000000000000000

Lucas' POV:

"Back in the hospital?" I could not believe this. Farkle had called me the day after Thanksgiving to tell me that Maya was back in the hospital. She had apparently woken up on Thanksgiving Day, not being able to breathe. They had cleared her lungs and ordered her back into chemo as soon as possible.

"Is it Maya?" my mom asked when she heard my conversation. I nodded quietly and continued to listen to the details that Farkle gave. Everything that he said about me coming back, I ignored, but everything about Maya I listened to carefully. When he came to the end of his sentence, I stopped him.

"Has she asked about me?" part of me wanted to know, part of me didn't. "Did you tell her that I left?"

"Well we had to. She asked for you the minute she saw Riley." Farkle snapped. "Of course Riley couldn't keep it from her and told her then and there."

"How did it go over?"

"How do you think?" Farkle's voice was suddenly icy. "She started wailing about you leaving, just like her dad." That was it. I couldn't take it.

"Farkle, I have to go." I needed to forget about Maya for the holidays. I had to. She was killing me right along with her.

"Just like you always do." He sighed and the line went dead. Farkle was icy every time I called, and Riley never answered my calls. I didn't even think about calling Maya. And I doubt she ever thought of calling me.


	26. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four

Maya's POV:

My life. What had happened to it? I got released from the hospital again, just in time to go straight back to chemo. The sessions were more intense this time, more urgent. Even though no one would admit it, we all knew we were running out of time. I was so weak. I wasn't supposed to have this many sessions, this fast, this intense while I was still recovering. But we had to do it. The penalty for not doing it would be….well death, I guess.

"Want me to lay you back more?" Riley's voice was so far away. I must have been dozing. We were sitting in one of the chemo rooms, looked the same as every other one, and I was sleeping. We had my head shaved fully for the first time the day before and the hand-knit beanie I was wearing was the one Riley had given me on Thanksgiving night when I had woken up after readmission to the hospital. I cherished that hat.

"Don't move me." I mumbled. Even speaking was nauseating.

"You sure you don't want anyone else here?" Riley moved towards the door.

"I'm sure, Riles. I just want you." I had pleaded that Riley was the only one that came in with me today. I was tired of the hovering sometimes. They all were in the waiting room, right by their cell phones I'm sure in case Riley called. I felt Riley's hand on mine.

"He called Farkle today." She whispered. I tried to keep my breathing level.

"Has he still been calling you?"

"Not anymore. He knows I won't answer." She brushed some hair off of my face.

"I try not to think about him, Riles." My lips were so dry. I licked them gently and tried to breathe lightly, keep myself from crying.

"But you do think about him."

"Of course I do! Riles, how long have you known me? I care about him. I can't just automatically retract my heart when he leaves. He took a good portion of my heart with him! Between him and my dad I'll have barely enough heart left to live on if I get better."

" _When_ you get better." She corrected me. I rolled my eyes. "But Maya, I'm not excusing him in the least, but I don't think you really did ever give him your heart."

"Riles, I don't have to lay here and take this. If you're just going to criticize me, I'll gladly do this alone." I knew my words hurt her. But her words hurt me. How could she even begin to imply that I had done something wrong with Lucas? He was the one that left!

"Maya, I'm your best friend. You know I always will be. Well now you need to hear something that maybe you don't want to. But since I'm your best friend you might at least listen without getting defensive."

"I'm not getting defensive." I muttered sullenly.

"Maya, have you ever heard that quote 'in order to become strong, you first must become weak'?"

"Riley, enough with your quotes. That has nothing to do with Lucas leaving."

"It has everything to do with him leaving. Maya, your biggest insecurity in life is that you'll become weak. You'll need help and to rely on others. That people will see you as unstable and helpless. But there's a fine line between being helpless and being so emotionally detached from people that you put up a barrier between you and that person."

"I'm not emotionally detached."

"Not from me, maybe. Maya, if you really love Lucas, you need to be brave enough to let him take care of you, let him help you. It's what he does best. When you push him away, when you don't let him help, he feels like he lets you down, like you don't trust him.

"Maybe because I don't trust anyone."

"That's not true. You trust me. Stop using your past as an excuse, Maya. Anyone can truly love. Love is sacrifice."

"I'm not making a sacrifice for someone who left."

"Understandable. All I'm saying Maya, is that you push him away and you beat yourself up and you yell at him, blame him, block him out, and then when he leaves, you break down. Why do you break down, when every day you hold him at arms length. How do you know you care so much about him, if you've never let him fully in?"

"Get out." I hissed. I heard her shift in her seat.

"Maya, I'm not listing all your faults."

"It sure sounds like it. Lucas is the one who left. He LEFT, Riley! And you have the nerve to tell me what I'm doing wrong?"

"Yes, yes I do. Because right now I know that you care about me more than he does and that you will listen to me and think about what I've said. Because you respect me and treat everything I say with importance. Because that what friends do. Even when they're sick." I heard her get up. "I'm going to go get a nurse. Your thing is done." Only then did I notice that the chemo was done for the day. I sighed when I heard the door close behind her. Riley was right as much as I hated to admit it. I just couldn't begin to think about wronging Lucas when he had deserted me when I wanted him, needed him most.

0000000000000000000000

Lucas' POV:

December. The month of November had passed, the sun of Texas not helping my mood at all. My family had at first, seemed ecstatic to have me around for the holidays. Especially since I was still a Tombstone celebrity. But after a few weeks, they began to notice that my heart just wasn't in it.

"Lucas!" I heard my mom hollering for me. I was up in the little office on the third floor of our ranch house. Perfect place to think. Sun always streamed through the one big window, no matter what time of day. For some reason it reminded me of Maya. She would love it up here. She'd move an easel and her paints up here and make it home. She'd never come down. And for the millionth time since I had stepped onto the plane flying out of New York, I asked myself why I left in the first place. What had crossed my mind to make me think that this would solve my problems.

"Coming!" I heaved myself out of the office swivel chair and thundered down the stairs. By the time I reached the balcony, I saw why she had called. Mark. My older brother. He was here. I hadn't seen him in over three years. And he looked so happy, so normal. It was startling.

"Hey, Brother." He smiled up at me, his teeth a brilliant white. "Been a while."

"Mark." I began to laugh and raced down the stairs. We met in a bearhug. I had missed him so much. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing. I thought you only come down here in the summer." He clapped me on the back as we walked into the family room.

"Came back for the holidays this year." I left it at that. My mom started to say something but I gave her a look which didn't go unnoticed by Mark. But he left it for the time being. I just didn't want to have to tell him what a failure I was.

0000000000000000

Riley's POV:

Maya was knitting. She was knitting. I thought I might faint. Maya hated knitting! But there she was, on the couch, wrapped in her favorite blanket, wearing the beanie I made for her, listening to Christmas music and knitting. I quickly snapped a picture of her. I sent it to Farkle and Zay. Then I froze. Part of me really wanted to send it to Lucas. He would get so much enjoyment seeing her knitting. He would laugh for ages.

"Whatchya thinkin about?" Maya asked, still focused on her knitting.

"Nothin." I brushed it off and came to sit next to her. "You alright there?" I asked when I saw her frown at the mass of yarn sitting in her lap. "Have you even decided what you're making?"

"Mm, I'll make it, then decide. Safer than way." She giggled softly. I laughed and got up to make us some tea. She probably wouldn't drink since she always felt so sick, but I knew she appreciated the effort. Plus, sometimes she liked to just sit and smell the tea. But just as I was pouring the boiling water into the two mugs that I had put on the kitchen table, Zay and Farkle breezed through the front door.

"Knock much?" I smiled and kissed Farkle gently on the cheek.

"How ya feelin?" Zay asked Maya tenderly.

"A little better, thanks." She nodded. I breathed a sigh a relief. Ever since I had given Maya her pep talk, I could tell she had really been pushing herself to be open, kind, and sensitive. And it was a nice change. The air was almost clear of all tension. Not completely, but almost.

"So what are you guys doing here? It's not a weekend." I wondered. They were dressed in casual tuxes. Something was up.

"We are here to take two beautiful girls out to dinner." Zay announced. "A winter date."

"A date?" Maya scoffed. "I don't do 'dates'."

"Oh Maya!" I cried. "It'll be so much fun!" I was beginning to warm up to the idea. "Where would we go?!" I turned to Farkle with hope in my eyes.

"I was thinking Heiden's, downtown." He replied dreamily. "Best food, best desserts, gorgeous views."

"Maya, please, let's go. It will be like the movies! Christmas time and the lights. And look at Farkle and Zay! They're all dressed up! Don't leave them hanging now!"

"Guys, go on without me. I'll slow you down." Maya waved us off with a little half smile.

"No no no." I shook my head. "You're coming. It would not be fun without you."

"I don't even have a dress to wear." She added.

"That is such a lie. I bought her a gorgeous red dress a few weeks ago that just looked so perfect on her. Maya, wear that! You look so pretty in it! It's an excuse to flaunt it." I was working so hard to pep her up.

"I can see you all really want to do this." She said meekly. "So, I'll go. On one condition," she added before we could cheer, "you're paying."

"Deal." Farkle smiled and I whisked her off to get her ready.

0000000000000000000

Maya's POV:

I couldn't even count how many safety pins were in the back of my red dress. I had lost at least six pounds since Riley had bought it for me and she had to work so hard to finally keep if from falling down. But she worked her magic and when she was done, you couldn't even tell. She went light on my makeup, the main feature being the Vaseline she rubbed on my eyelids to make them shimmer.

"Riles, no offense, but this frumpy hat doesn't really work with this dress." I sighed. It was always something.

"At least you don't have to carry oxygen yet." She added quietly. "But, about the hat, I thought of that." She replied and I saw her run into her closet and come back with something in her hands. It was the wig. The one I had worn to the football game.

"Where did you find that?" a mixture of emotions clogged my throat as I looked down at the still shining, auburn hair.

"On your bedroom floor. I went by the other day and found it. Thought you might want it sometime." She helped me set it in just the right and for good measures she strung some sliver strands into it. Riley herself was wearing a floor length purple dress with one shoulder. My red dress was short, strapless, with a tulle skirt that twirled when I spun around. It flounced with me too and I had to admit, I was glad I had dressed up. "You look great." She smiled tearfully at me through the mirror.

"Thanks to you." I replied and smiled.

"You always look great, Maya." She handed me my jacket and my purse then took my hand and led me to the living room. We walked slowly, conscious of my body and its limits. The whole time at the back of my mind, the dark thoughts floated through my brain. I probably wouldn't eat the great food or I'd throw up, I didn't look nearly as good as Riley, I am so skinny and ugly, and lastly, where was Lucas when I wanted a date to hold my hand and walk me down the streets? I pushed the thoughts away. Not tonight. I wouldn't let it ruin Riley's night. I knew she had been waiting to do something fun for a while instead of watch me fade. She wouldn't admit it, but I knew it was true.

"Wow." Farkle breathed when Riley and I stepped down into the living room. "You two clean up well."

"I owe it to Riley." I blushed.

"I like your dress." Zay came up and helped me with my jacket. "Red for Christmas."

"I guess I can say I meant to do that. But I'd be lying." I whispered the last part and he smiled a little. Farkle took Riley's hand and they began to waltz out the door. I watched them go, and suddenly felt homesick for….what? I was at home.

"Maya." Zay put his hand lightly on my arm. "I know you wish Lucas was here."

"I don't." I replied a little too quickly. "I don't think about him."

"Why do you have that awful look on your face?" he asked.

"I feel….homesick." I admitted. "But I'm at home."

"Or maybe Lucas is just your home." He replied quietly. I didn't reply, just stood there, staring at the opposite wall. After a while he took a breath. "If I could do anything to have Lucas be here to take you out tonight, I would."

"Thank you, Zay." I looked at him. "You don't have to take us out."

"It's an honor." He offered me his arm. "Shall we?" he looked at me expectantly. How I wished so badly that it was Lucas offering me his arm! I missed him so much! How could he do this to me? I wanted him to see me in the red dress and him to compliment me. I wanted him to walk me to dinner and hold my hand under the table. I wanted him to take me home, keep me warm and safe. Keep me….normal. Maybe that's why I loved him so much. One of the reasons….he made me feel normal. Special….but normal. I sucked in a hard breath to try to hold the tears back. I would be strong tonight. For everyone else's sake.

"We shall."


	27. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five

Lucas' POV:

I was so proud of Mark. I can't count how many times he used to come home smelling like cigarette smoke and beer. And now look at him. I was sitting across from him at dinner and he was smiling, engaging in conversation, talking about his first semester in medical school and the new girl he had been dating from Montana that he met at a concert. No, not a hard rock concert, a symphony concert.

"Lisa plays the cello. She's so talented. I hope to bring her down here this summer to meet you guys. Or maybe on spring break. She's just great. Loves to cook, Mom." He smiled. "Her parents are both dead so I know she'd love to spend time with us."

"Well she sounds great. I'd love to meet her." Mom patted Mark's arm.

"And what about you?" Mark looked over at me. "You've barely said anything all day. What's gotten into you?"

"He's been a little distracted lately." Mom sighed.

"Mamma, leave it." I warned her.

"Lucas, talk to me. I thought things were going great. I thought you loved New York. So what are you doing back here?" Instead of answering him I tossed my napkin on my plate and scraped my chair back. The glasses shook on the table as I stood up and pushed out the back door onto the patio. I heard my mom begin to clear the table. Normally I would help her, be the gentleman I was raised to be. But not tonight. "Ok." Mark materialized next to me. "Tell me what's going on, right now."

"I broke our promise." I sighed and pushed a hand through my rumpled hair. The night breeze blew past us. I almost looked to see if Maya needed a coat. She wasn't here. And suddenly I felt like crying. What was she doing right now? Sitting alone somewhere, suffering, exhausted? Throwing up the breakfast she hadn't eaten? At another chemo session? I would never know. None of them were talking to me.

"What promise?" Mark asked quietly.

"The one we made when I left for New York and you left to find a job."

"Oh." He remembered.

"I told you I'd be good to mom and take care of her. I'd be responsible, not get into trouble like you did. I'd look out for myself and my friends."

"And what part of that did you break? Mom seems happy, she said you're doing well."

"My friend Maya has cancer." I choked. "She got it this last March."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I can tell she's important to you."

"Very." I sighed in frustration. "But she's….difficult. We've been friends since middle school, since the first day I went to school actually. You remember me telling you about her?"

"The blonde beauty?" Mark smiled a little. "I remember."

"Her dad left when she was little. Her mom works long hours. They're not wealthy. She holds everyone at arms distance. Except for the people she loves. Like Farkle and Riley. But for some reason she won't let me in. Especially now that she has cancer, I wanted so much to help her. But she would just get mad at me."

"Some people have a hard time with that." Mark agreed.

"Mark, she tried to commit suicide." I saw him stiffen, remembering a night many many years ago. A dark night, windy. A gun. And I happened to walk in.

"You were there." He sensed.

"I thought of you." I bit my lip. "She had a knife. Not a gun, but still just as lethal. I felt like a little boy again. Helpless. What if I couldn't stop her like I stopped you? There were so many things she hadn't done."

"So what happened?"

"I tackled her. We wrestled for the knife. She cut me and stabbed herself. Riley was there and called 911. Thank God for her."

"How has she been?" Mark remembered the short period of time that Riley and I had dated.

"She's good."

"Everything between you and her is over?" he guessed.

"Completely."

"So what are you doing here? If Maya is so important, so…unstable, why are you here? Miles and miles away from her?"

"That's the best question anyone has ever asked me in my life. And I only have one answer: I'm an idiot. I left the night she woke up in the ICU. I thought it would be the best for both of us. I couldn't help her, she wouldn't let me. I wasn't what was best for her. And watching her die and knowing that she wouldn't even let me in, killed me."

"Mm." Mark listened carefully.

"But now that I'm here, I have no relief. I think about her all the time. Farkle is the only one who talks to me. Riley never answers her phone. And then I think 'what if she dies? What would I do then?'" I leaned against the railing and looked up at the stars. "It would be too late."

"I don't think she's just a friend." Mark replied quietly, looking at the sky as well.

"I kissed her." I added, suddenly embarrassed. I knew what Mark was going to say.

"Then what ON EARTH are you doing HERE?!" he cried. "Let me tell you from experience, running away doesn't solve a thing. You need to be there for the people you love. I know you never had a problem with that before. But I can tell that there's something about this girl that makes everything different. But regardless of how worried you are that she'll never let you in, you need to be there. Leaving isn't going to convince her to open up to you. Especially if her dad left before. Once in a while, you find someone who just….fits."

"She's dying!" I cried.

"Man up!" Mark yelled back. "You love her?! Stop holding back cause you're afraid! Love is about sacrifice! If you're only with her for two more days, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you're there, not protecting her from every single thing, but going through it with her. By doing that, you will protect her! And if she won't let you in, fine! Love her anyway! I can guarantee you that if she's as great as you've said she is, she's still loving you right now, miles away in New York."

"Maya Hart never let me in enough to love me."

"But things change. _People_ change! But if you never go back, if you waste your precious time, you'll never know if she would open up to you. At least if you go back, you give each other a chance."

"If I wasn't enough to stop her from killing herself, what will be enough?!" I cried. "What am I supposed to do?!"

"It's not about you being enough! You're not Mr. Perfect like everyone thinks. Yep. We all make mistakes and screw up. Life throws stuff at us that we can't control, or even begin to fight. But what does matter, is that through everything, we stick by the people we love. Screw not being enough! Us Friars don't worry about that! What we do worry about is our family and friends!"

"What if she never forgives me now? I messed up big time." I shook my head.

"At least you'll know you tried." Mark sighed. Things grew quiet.

"How'd you know that Lisa was the One?" I asked.

"I didn't. I still don't."

"So you're walking blindly through a relationship, hoping that it works?"

"Not blindly. I just don't know yet what life has in store for she and I. But I have to try with her because she's special. I love her. She's worth my effort. Is Maya worth the effort?"

"Mark, she's so stubborn."

"Well, contrary to what most people think, so are you. Like I said, it takes effort. No one ever said love was easy." He rocked back and forth on his heels. "Does she have a chance to live?"

"If the chemo works like it should, she has a small fighting chance. She definitely hasn't given up." I smiled thinking about her determination.

"Then why did you?"

"Why did I what?"

"Give up? Give up on her? I never thought you were a quitter."

"I'm not." I replied indignantly.

"Then prove it."

00000000000000000000

Maya's POV:

Dinner was nice. I hardly ate my food, but I took it to go, in hopes I'd want it later. The walk home was slow, I was tired and Riley kept asking if I wanted to call her dad and get a ride. I kept saying no, we just needed to go slow. The lights were nice and Christmas decorations were everywhere. I kinda wanted to go see the giant Christmas tree, but it was out of our way and I just wanted to get home, and maybe cry some. The night had been nice, but I missed Lucas so much. Part of me was still so mad and hurt by him. But another part of me just missed him terribly. That must have been the weak part of me. It bothered me. But it was there. And I guess soon I would get used to it.

"Thank you so much for tonight." I looked and saw that we were back at the apartment building. Riley was thanking Farkle.

"Yeah, thanks." I added.

"It was our pleasure." Zay replied and gave us both a hug. "Sleep well."

"We will." Riley waved as the two boys headed towards the subway. "That was so nice." Riley smiled as we walked up to the apartment.

"Yeah." I agreed, lying completely. Just for her sake.

"I'm gonna get a shower." She told me as she opened the front door and let us in. "You ok?"

"Yeah." I nodded and gave her light push. "Go take a shower."

"Ok. Oh and Auggie is asleep so 'sh'." She put her finger to her lips.

"Riles, he's nine."

"He still needs his sleep." She would never get used to the fact that he was getting older.

"Where are your parents?" I looked around.

"Dad is visiting some distant relative and Mom is working late." Riley replied as she trotted up the two stairs to the hall. "I'll be quick." And she disappeared around the corner. I sighed and dropped my purse and coat on the couch and wandered to the living room bay window. I sat down and looked down at the street. I never sat in this bay window. This was the grown up bay window. But for some reason I felt out of place in Riley's bay window. It was too innocent and happy to hold me anymore. I fit in better here, with my old old soul. I began to cry, the night's frustrations boiling up behind my eyes spilling down my cheeks. I cried quietly, sniffling every now and then. And before I knew what I was doing I was picking up the phone and pressing speed dial for Lucas. I got his voicemail, thank God. I almost didn't speak, but I was too emotionally confused to remember I hated him.

"Hey." I sniffled into the phone. "It's Maya. I don't really know why I called, I just…." I pulled the phone away while I sobbed for a few seconds. I took a deep breath and brought the phone back to my face. "I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. For everything. I know I push you away and I know I never let you in and that hurts you. It hurts me too. I'm still completely mad at you for leaving….but I just have a feeling that I won't be around much longer. I don't want to…I guess I'm just saying…I don't know what….just come home. Please. Because when you're not home, I'm not home. Lucas, you're my home. I can't do it without you." I sobbed quietly. I wanted to tell him that I needed him. That I loved him. But my throat clogged and I just couldn't do it. The message tone reached the end and the dial tone came on. I lowered the phone slowly as my body shook with sobs and sniffles. I was completely weak. But it wasn't embarrassing and demoralizing like I thought it might be. It just….hurt.


	28. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty-Six

Maya's POV:

Three days before Christmas. The Matthews were big on tradition, even with a sourpuss like me around and even though I tried as hard as I could to get out of every carol, they rarely let me take a breath. Riley dragged me Christmas shopping with her to the mall. I bought a few myself, but most of my presents I was making for people. It's what I would work on when the family had something to do that I wasn't feeling up to.

"Maya, how does this look?" Riley showed me the present she had just wrapped for Auggie.

"Oh, Riles." I laughed at her terrible wrapping job.

"What?" she asked indignantly. "What's wrong with it? I thought it looked good."

"It looks perfect." I giggled. "Auggie will love it."

"Great." She smiled and placed it carefully under the tree. "Tomorrow is Christmas Adam!" she sang.

"Pardon?" I laughed.

"Christmas Adam. The day before Christmas Eve. Get it?"

"I get it." I rolled my eyes. I was sitting on the couch, as usual, this time playing a game on my phone and sipping at some hot water, the only thing I could stomach at the time. Ever since I had left the message for Lucas I had kept my phone near me, just in case he called. Not because I was waiting for him to forgive me, forget that. I was waiting for him to call to apologize. But he still hadn't. Maybe he had meant it when he said he thought it was best for us to be apart. But he couldn't have. Not when I finally realized how much I needed him!

"Thinking about him again?" Riley sank down on the couch next to me and I laid my head on her shoulder.

"Yeah." I sighed.

"Maya, I know he'll come back. And so do you. Have some faith in him."

"I'm not sure I can. He left didn't he?" I looked to Riley to give me some help.

"Yes. But everyone makes mistakes. We do stupid things and make rash decisions. But it would be hard to love someone who's perfect."

"But if he does come back, how do I know he won't do it again? How can I trust him?"

"I wish I could tell you that you could just look deep into his eyes and have a sign that would tell you to trust him or not. Unfortunately, that's not how love works." She took my hand and squeezed it. "But that's why love is special. It's a jump into the unknown. A leap of faith. And when you make the leap, and they catch you….it's indescribably amazing."

"How do you know all of this?" I chuckled. "You don't seem this passionate about Farkle all the time."

"I was talking about any love." She smiled. "My mom, dad, Farkle, Zay, and you. You guys all catch me constantly."

"Then what's the difference between family love and you know, true love or whatever?"

"Mom!" Riley yelled and Topanga came into the living room.

"Riley, inside voice, please." She sighed.

"Sorry." She grinned guiltily. "Maya has a question." She looked at me and gestured at me to ask Topanga my question.

"It's not important." I looked down.

"Ask her." Riley prodded me. "She would know." I agreed, Topanga would know. She and Cory had the best relationship I knew. I conceded.

"What's the difference between family love and you know, true love or whatever?" I repeated my question. She nodded knowingly and sat down in between Riley and I.

"I guess it's just that with true love, it's special. Indefinitely special. You make a promise to love each other forever. And then you start from there." She explained. "You get to be kids together again. Learn from scratch. Make your mistakes together. It's all about being together. Then you get older together. It's almost like you're born again. Starting over this time with a built in best friend."

"But Riley is my best friend." I was totally confused.

"And I know that she will be forever." Topanga nodded. "With love, it's different. Shawn is Cory's best friend. But Cory married me because he and I loved each other very much and we never wanted to have to do anything without each other."

"So you got married because you never wanted to be apart?" I asked, skeptical.

"No, not exactly." She squinted a little. "This is kind of hard to explain."

"Yeah, no kidding." Riley looked completely lost.

"Ok, Maya," Topanga straightened up, "think of it like this. You have your strengths. You're bold and a beautiful artist. You have a great voice and you care deeply about your friends. But you have your weaknesses. So when you find someone who meets you halfway and brings their strengths and weaknesses to the table, see if they balance yours out. Usually that has the makings of a good relationship."

"But that doesn't explain love." I protested.

"No. Love is hard to explain sometimes." She replied and eased herself off the couch.

"But I'll need to know eventually."

"You will. I figured it out when I met Cory." She smiled, reminiscing. "What has you asking?" she asked me.

"Nothing in particular." I lied. I could tell she knew I was lying. But she left it alone and went to kitchen to get dinner ready.

000000000000000000

Lucas' POV:

Christmas Adam. Riley always called it that. Maya thought it was silly. Every year Riley would say that then go,

"Get it? Get it, Maya?"

I smiled thinking about them. They were such good friends. I saw my phone on my bedside table, blinking with messages. I hadn't checked it in days. No one ever called me anymore. Farkle had gotten busy. I clicked it on and flipped through the list of texts and calls. And then I saw it. A missed call from a number I would never forget. Maya had called. And she had left a message. I unlocked my phone and opened my voicemail and found the message as quickly as I could.

"You have one unheard message." The voicemail lady told me. Then the message played. And it broke my heart. She was crying, that was the first thing I noticed.

"It's Maya. I don't really know why I called, I just…." I heard her pull the phone away and I could hear her taking shaky breaths. "I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. For everything. I know I push you away and I know I never let you in and that hurts you. It hurts me too. I'm still completely mad at you for leaving….but I just have a feeling that I won't be around much longer…"

The rest of her message faded. What did that mean that she didn't think she had much longer? Did she mean to live?! No, she couldn't! Farkle had said she was out of the hospital, back in chemo, doing fine. But would he really tell me if she was struggling? Suddenly, panic seized me. What would I do if she died tomorrow? Or tonight?! Maybe she was already dead, that message she left me, her last words, talking to me from her death bed. Oh why hadn't I picked up the phone? Why I hadn't I been paying more attention?! I raced to the closet and grabbed my coat down. As I did, a piece of paper fluttered to the ground. I bent down and grabbed it. I smiled when I realized what it was. It was the Christmas card Maya had made me two years ago, freshman year of high school. She had drawn a picture of 'anti-mistletoe' on the card. Everyone knew she thought it was cheesy.

"A Merry Christmas, Huckleberry." It read, "And a Happy New Year." At the bottom was her signature. I stared at the card for the longest time. The mistletoe was still there, minutes later as I looked at the paper. Her handwriting, her drawing, her signature. It was all her. Everywhere I looked I saw her. No matter where I ran, she'd be there. And staring down at the paper, I knew what I had to do.


	29. Chapter 27

**Ok guys this is The Chapter. I hope you like it. I could make this the end, depending on what reviews you guys leave. I could end this and make a second one, I'm considering a few things. Just leave reviews and please tell me what you want. Hope you love it! Thanks!**

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Maya's POV:

Christmas Eve. What better way to celebrate than playing out in the snow that the mammoth snowstorm left for us the night before? Riley and woke up to the gray light of winter mornings streaming into "our" bedroom. I rolled back over, exhausted from the chemo treatments. Fortunately, on the holidays they had compassion for you and let me off the hook for the rest of the week.

"Snow!" Auggie's voice pierced the silence of the room. Riley jumped up.

"No joke?" she looked hopeful.

"There was a big storm!" Auggie said breathlessly. I began to get up and Riley and I raced to the bay window. Sure enough, a heavy blanket of snow covered the street and sidewalks, trees and cars. And it hadn't been touched. Riley's eyes went wide.

"Snow." She breathed.

"It snows here every year." I rolled my eyes at how excited she was getting.

"But it's snow." She just kept staring down at it.

"Let's go!" Auggie cried and raced from the room. Riley jerked back and began to race to find warm clothes.

"You're going out?" I asked.

"You're not?" she stopped and looked at me.

"It's just snow." I shrugged.

"Maya, you love snow." She frowned at me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I pushed oppressive thoughts of Lucas out of my head. Every hope that he might fly back for Christmas was gone. Planes couldn't fly in this weather. "Hand me my pants?" I asked and she smiled widely.

"Here." She tossed them to me and I fumbled around my bed to find my hat. By the time we were all bundled up and had raced into the living room, Mr. and Mrs. Matthews were already up.

"Morning, girls." Mr. Matthews chuckled at our thick clothes, hiding our faces and making us look twenty pounds heavier than we were. "Going somewhere?"

"Snow!" Riley cried as if that explained everything.

"I don't think Maya should be out in that." Mrs. Matthews stood up and walked over to me. "It could be slippery."

"So I'll just fall." I sighed. Parents could be so annoying. "Don't ruin my Christmas." I laid the guilt on thick. I saw her buy into it.

"Riley, stay close to her." Mrs. Matthews waved us out the door and soon we were racing through the streets, covered in snow, leaving footprints, throwing snowballs, and building snowmen and forts. I hadn't had this much fun in such a long time. The kind of silence that the snow brings, I cherished it. I love it. After a few hours, Zay and Farkle came around and joined in the snowy games and then later a warmup in front of the fire with mugs of thick, steaming apple cider. Lucas loved apple cider. I personally liked mine cold, but he loved his hot.

"Warms up my whole body. Like Christmas in a cup." He always said. I got teary-eyed just thinking about him. Where was he on this Christmas Eve? Maybe in his ranch house, reading one of those huge books from his father's library. Or maybe he was out riding. Or maybe helping his mom cook dinner. Or maybe just talking to his horses. Whatever he was doing, he probably wasn't thinking about me.

00000000000000000000000

Lucas' POV:

I was too late. I made it on the flight from Austin to Raleigh, but by the time I tried to find a flight to New York, the elements had stopped me cold. Apparently a giant snowstorm had coated New York over night and the entire airport was shut down. No! I didn't have time for this. Mark stood next to me, on the phone with mom, telling her the bad news. I wouldn't get to New York in time for Christmas. I looked around at the large groups of people, all going somewhere, or doing something. They had places to be and nothing was stopping them.

"Mom says that we should try to find a flight back home." Mark said as he hung up the phone. I barely heard him. "Hello?" he grabbed my shoulder. "Let's go see if they have some extra seats on an Austin flight."

"No." I jerked my shoulder away from him. "Don't you understand? I need to be in New York tonight! I need to be with Maya!"

"Lucas, we can't get there! No way!"

"Come on." I began to push my way to the front doors of the airport.

"Wrong way!" Mark called to me. I kept walking. He caught up to me. "What are you doing?"

"You told me to prove I'm not a quitter."

"So what are you doing?"

"I'm proving it."

000000000000000000000000000

Maya's POV:

The light began to fade from the sky. Topanga lit candles around the living room and we smiled at the beautifully decorated tree with its coat of lights. But I was dreading the next day. Because the next day was Christmas. I had never liked the holiday anyway. My mom had always worked, plus we usually never had enough money for good presents. It was just a day to remind us how unfortunate my family was. But then I always felt guilty for being so selfish and had to remind myself that we were better off than most people in the world.

"Auggie's asleep." Riley told me as she curled up next to me in the living room bay window. "What are you doing out here? Our bay window probably feels so empty."

"I like when I can see the tree." I whispered, my eyes glued to the lights and the star on top. "It's so bright and….full of hope."

"Like you." Riley joked and gave me small smile. I smiled sadly back and continued to look at the tree.

000000000000000000000000000000

Lucas' POV:

The car rolled along over the icy roads. It was sometime around one am. Mark was asleep in the passenger seat next to me. His light snores filled the car, the only sound besides the times when a lone car would pass slowly. I was still getting used to the controls in this car. I had never driven a rental before. Oh well, first time for everything. I estimated we were somewhere close to the border of New York. Or just hoped we were. I was exhausted.

"Are we there?" Mark asked sleepily.

"Not yet." I sighed.

"Where are we?" he asked.

"Don't know."

"I'm cold."

"I can't find the heater." I pointed to the fancy control panel built into the car. He began to fiddle with it. "I'm sorry I dragged you into this." I apologized.

"I know you would do the same for me if I was trying to get to Lisa."

"I probably would." I thought about it. "She seems like a great gal."

"She is. Maya sounds pretty great too. I remember her a little." He laughed as he remembered the one time he had met her. I laughed with him.

"You remember?" I asked.

"Who could forget?" he was gasping for breath he was laughing so hard. "You brought her over for some biology project you two were working on and I was there for dinner."

"And mom served us in the dining room." I chuckled remembering how uncomfortable Maya was. "And Maya commented on having too many forks for just a bowl of salad."

"And mom came back with some snarky reply about Maya not being raised in how a table should look." Mark shook his head, still smiling. "Riley probably would have burst into tears. I thought Maya might too. But do you remember what she said?"

"She said: 'you're probably right, Mrs. Friar. Being raised by a pot-dealer and a prostitute, I never really learned how to set a table. We usually just snack on what mom brings home from the bar. You're welcome over any time.'" I busted up laughing remembering my mom's face when she said that. That had been years ago, freshman year I think it was. After that, Mom always discouraged me from going over to her house no matter how many times I told her that Maya had been joking. But eventually my mom grew to have a judging respect for Maya, even care for her.

Like that one time when Maya had a raging fever. She showed up at our doorstep late in the evening.

"Lucas isn't here." My mom had said, surprised to see her.

"I know. He's at football practice. But I'm really sick and I hear your chicken soup works wonders. I can't afford medicine. Please let me in, at least until my mom gets home." Maya had been a freshman then too, still so young and fragile. She had never asked my family for help after that again. But Mom had grown to love her in her own special way, and had even met Maya's mother a few times at parties and such. They seemed to get along all right.

"She's something special. I always liked her better than Riley." Mark smiled and sighed. "Riley's great, but I knew she'd never fit you. You needed someone to bring you down a few notches, make you laugh, keep your fire stoked, someone to argue with and stay in the moment. You had the sweet love with Riley, but with Maya you could have the passion."

"I never loved Riley." I sighed. I felt so old. Not like a junior in high school at all. "I loved her in a different way. I was too young to know what love meant back then. I may still be too young."

"Nooooo." Mark looked at me carefully. "I think you know enough to make a decision about it…."

00000000000000000000

Maya's POV:

I woke up to see sun streaming through the bay window. The ice was dripping off the trees. It was beautiful. I sighed and sat up. I saw Riley asleep in her bed. I smiled. She would kill me if I went to look at presents without her. So I gently shook her awake.

"What time is it?" she mumbled.

"Morning." I laughed lightly.

"You're lying. I can never sleep on Christmas Eve. Stop trying to trick me."

"I'm not. And if you don't get up, I'm going to open your presents for you." I threatened. She looked over at her clock now, then shot up like a rocket.

"CHRISTMAS!" she screamed and I covered my ears. She jumped out of bed and yanked me out into the hall and down into the living room. Auggie was sitting by the tree. "Where are mom and dad?!" Riley cried.

"Getting up." He smiled excitedly.

"I can't wait!" Riley cried. "Are our stockings filled?" she looked across the room at the fireplace. "They are!"

"Of course they are." I could not believe her naivety sometimes. "Like your parents would forget."

"Shhhh!" Riley clamped a hand over my mouth. "Santa still exists for Auggie!"

"I think he just exists for you, Riles."

"Nu uh!" she crossed her arms.

"Merry Christmas!" Topanga stepped into the living room. "Present time!"

000000000000000000

By the time we were done unwrapping presents it was almost lunch time. I had been surprised and genuinely pleased when my mom and Shawn showed up with a load of presents in their arms. It really was the best Christmas I had had in a long time. Even if I did have cancer.

"You look great in those jeans." Riley told me as I checked out my new jeans in her bedroom mirror. I had dropped like three pant sizes in the past two months, making my legs look like sticks. But I focused on my smile, which was bright. "The last of the snow is might melt in a few days. Feel like going out again?" Riley asked.

"Sure." I agreed and we bundled up again. This time was not as frantic and exciting. Today Riley and I just strolled, arm in arm down the streets, breathing the harsh air and admiring the snow on the trees and bushes. We turned back for the apartment when I began to get too cold. We reached the apartment in good time and Riley started up the steps, but I hung back, standing in the snow covered street, unafraid of any cars being out. I looked up at the apartment buildings, then at the sky and took a deep, deep breath, remembering what it felt like to breathe for when I was back in the hospital. Then I heard Riley gasp. I looked back down to her and I saw her eyes fixed behind me.

"Maya!" I heard someone call me. I froze. It sounded so much like him. But I couldn't turn around and face the fact that it wasn't. It would break my heart. Riley still looked as if she'd seen a ghost. "Maya!" he called again. No. It wasn't him. He wouldn't come back. He said he wouldn't.

0000000000000000000

Lucas' POV:

I called her name again but she didn't turn around. I raced to her and grasped her tightly, turning her to face me. She looked up at me and sucked in a hard breath.

"Lucas." She breathed. "It is you."

"Maya, I got your message and I thought you were going to die!"

"You're here." She was still looking at me as if I had fallen from the sky. Or maybe like I had wings or something. Her eyes had confusion, anger, and awe in them all at the same time.

"Maya, I went away because I was selfish. I got so fed up with not being able to take care of you, I felt guilty. I ran away because I was afraid to love you if you would never let me in. But I don't care anymore. Even if you never let me in ever again, I will still love you because you, Maya Hart, are the best thing that ever happened to me. I love everything about you and I'm tired of playing games with you. I want to start something real with you even if you only like for two more hours, because you make me so happy. I love who I am when I'm with you. You make me a better person. I am so sorry for leaving you and I don't expect you to forgive me, at all, but I had to get here, to you. I had to make you understand that I never, ever will leave you again! I couldn't imagine what I would do if you had died and I hadn't told you how I felt." She looked up at me, still staring at me in wonder.

"You came back." She rasped.

"That's all you can say?" I was so confused.

"I didn't think you'd come back this soon."

"Maya, I'm here. I'm never leaving you again. Do you understand?" I asked her earnestly.

"You came back….because you love me?" she asked.

"Yes." I swallowed hard. I realized what a stretch this would be after what I did to her.

"My dad never came back. Lucas, I'm so sorry." Her big, blue eyes welled with tears.

"What?" I breathed. This was not the reaction I was expecting.

"I was so mad at you for leaving me! So mad. But I realized that I never asked you to stay. All I ever did since I met you was push you away. Of course I wanted you to always be there, I was just too prideful to say it to you. I never thought I'd have the chance to tell you. But I do. I love you Lucas. And I need you. I want you to stay, I want you to help me and catch me when I fall. Please never leave again." I couldn't believe this was happening. Maya was so different. In a good way. More mature. She was letting her walls down.

"I brought you something." I pulled a packaged out of my jacket. She took is gently and opened it. She pulled the small bunch of mistletoe out of the package and looked at it.

"You drove all this way, just to bring me a plant?" there was the Maya Hart I knew and loved. Only, a few stray tears were traveling down her pale cheeks. I would have to get used to that. It was already very endearing.

"It's mistletoe." I smiled my teasing grin at her.

"You know I think mistletoe is stupid. It's poisonous." She rolled her eyes and smiled at me, but took a shaky breath.

"It's a classic."

"It's just an excuse for two, starry-eyed lovers to kiss." She sighed.

"Exactly." I brought my hand up to cup her face. "It's an excuse to show someone how much you love them."

"That's so cheesy." Her breath caught in her throat.

"Scared you might enjoy it?" I teased.

"Just kiss me under the mistletoe." She held the plant up above her head and tapped her lips. I scooped her up holding her a few inches off the ground and kissed her, her hand still above our heads, clutching the little plant that was beginning to wilt from the long drive. She pulled back and rested her forehead against mine.

"So, we're even?" she whispered.

"We're even." I agreed. "I should never have left you."

"And I should never have shut you out. But I'm glad I made my mistakes with you." She looked down.

"Why?" I asked as I slowly set her back down on the ground.

"Because I knew you would come back."

"You seemed pretty surprised there a minute ago." I laughed and took her hand in mine.

"A Huckleberry always knows where his home is." She looked up at me, her tone teasing, but her face serious. I squeezed her hand.

"My home is where you are."


	30. Epilogue

Epilogue

Maya's POV:

Remission. Never thought another word could be so sweet. I still don't. Remission meant so many good things for me. My hair back. My strength back. No more chemo. So the next March it only seemed right to say 'yes' when Lucas proposed. I could be what he needed. I could be a good wife. I was sure of that now. Even if I was still sick, I would've said yes. I knew now that the raw character of just myself was what he needed. And so it was settled. It was a small wedding, short and sweet. Everyone I cared about was there, everyone who had supported me. It rained at the end, but I didn't care. It was all beautiful. And Lucas smiled the most of us all. I was proud to have his last name now. He was mine now, and I was his. Nothing, not even a long distance, could separate us now. We were one.

0000000000000000

I got the news in May that Emmie passed away. The little baby I had befriended in my time spent at the cancer clinic. Jackie wasn't taking it well. But after hearing the news I felt I owed it to her to go see her, try to comfort her. She had decided that she and her husband were going to move out to Nevada to get a fresh start, maybe have more kids in a few years. But she said having closure with my story, knowing that I was ok, made her feel safe leaving. It was nice knowing she cared so much.

00000000000000000

In June, Riley and Farkle decided to take a break from each other. I knew that they still had feelings for each other, but Farkle had gotten an opportunity to go study abroad and he had pleaded with Riley to go with him. She had put her foot down, saying that she was staying with her family and with me. I insisted that she go, that she stay with Farkle since she loved him so much. But just the fact that she didn't want to go, scared her thinking that she and Farkle weren't meant to be together. So in late June Farkle boarded a plane to fly to England for a year and left Riley behind. They promised to talk every day, promised to wait for each other. I knew they would. Funny though that two days later, I heard that Riley and Zay had lunch together, without Lucas and I. I know that Riley will always have feelings for Farkle, but life happens. I'm curious to see how long it takes her to realize that she just might have feelings for Zay too. And then I'm curious to see what she does about it.

000000000000000000

In August, Lucas and I were invited to his brother's wedding. I finally got to meet Lisa. She was great. I already loved her then, love her even more now. And I thank Mark to this day for getting Lucas out of Texas and back to me. He swears it was all Lucas, but I know Mark must have talked to him or something. Plus, Mark and I have a bit of a connection now, as both victims of attempted suicide. And both of us were saved by Lucas. So sometimes when I'm feeling guilty of depressed, I find comfort in talking to Mark about it. He knows how it feels, when people like Riley and my mom can't.

0000000000000000000

My mom and Shawn got married that November. Finally. I had been waiting for years. My mom finally matured enough to let her walls down. Just like me. She said I had inspired her to step outside her comfort zone, take a leap of faith, trust someone for her future good and happiness. I was proud of her, proud to be the maid of honor. Proud call Shawn my dad. I did call him my dad. He and Cory were more like my dad to me than my real dad was.

0000000000000000000

After a year, Farkle did come back. And he and Riley resumed things as usual. They were both different, though. Farkle was hungry for more travel, to see the rest of the world. But Riley had matured, fallen more in love with New York. So it came as no shocker to me when Farkle proposed after a month of being back, asked for a quick wedding, so they could travel more, but never have to be apart. He said he wanted to see the world with her. She didn't even have to think. She told him that she could not live a life of traveling. She wanted her home to be New York. He was sad. But he understood. The next month he took off again, this time to Alaska. I know they will always have a special place in their hearts for each other. But they both wanted different things out of life. Riley was very sad, she had tried so hard to make things work. But Zay was still around and after a few weeks of asking, Riley finally agreed to go out with him, a simple date of rollerskating and pizza. She was shocked. She and Farkle had always done fancy things, nothing athletic, out of respect for Riley's clumsiness. But she loved rollerskating with Zay and loved the classic New York pizza. I have a feeling they'll be going out again soon.

00000000000000000000

And now you might be wondering where I stand, two and half years after I was diagnosed with cancer. It doesn't feel like that short of time ago. I feel like I've packed a lifetime into those two years. I've matured, loved, gotten married. But every decision I've made since, was a good one. Lucas and I are cozy in our four room apartment in the city, where I can look down and see all the lights. I've learned to cook a little, most of the time messing something up, resulting in a lot of cussing on my part, and a kiss on my head and a chuckle on Lucas' part. We've been eating a lot of pizza for the past few months. But I've been learning, and that's what counts. My hair has finally began to fill in, leaving it at a nice shoulder length. Lucas has gotten into the habit of twirling it around his fingers at night when I sit up late, drawing in bed. Lucas goes to college, slowly working towards his dream of being a veterinarian, while I have begun to sell my paintings. I haven't done too badly, you know, for a novice to the art industry.

00000000000000000000

I guess what I'm saying is that, I don't know what the future holds for me. I thought I knew those years ago at the beginning of sophomore year. And then I got cancer, attempted suicide, married Lucas Friar at age eighteen (which is kind of insane looking back at it), and beat my cancer. Proving that no one really knows what is around the corner. It's not about what your future holds, it's about how you deal with what life throws at you. I feel like I made a mess of what life threw at me, but hey, I know I'll have other opportunities, and I must not have done too badly, cause I am greeted every night in the kitchen at six by a kiss on the cheek from Lucas Friar. I guess sometimes life likes to surprise us, throw the thing that we least expect right in our faces. Cancer was not a very nice surprise. But marrying Huckleberry, yeah, that was pretty good. And then there are the surprises that have a category all of their own…..

I stared down at the little white stick in my hands. It had to be wrong. There was never a situation…well…ok that's a lie. But I still couldn't believe it. No way. The pink plus sign shined up at me. My worst fears and biggest ambitions were suddenly awakened.

"Lucas!"


End file.
